Okay so a little aside here, last night while I was trimming my hedges with one of those automatic trimmers, you know the ones they look like this:
My pinky was caught in the blades and luckily I was able to pull it out before it got to the bone. Anyway, the point is, I am typing with 9 fingers today and a big bandage looking thing around my right pinky so this is going to be short and sweet. Work is hard enough.
Have you seen Unicorn SPIT? OMG this stuff is beautiful. It takes stain to an entire new world. I am going to use this on my mom's mother's day present. It's a simple little piece, but when I am done, it is going to be amazing.
I really want to make a dresser with this front and Texas Rangers sides. I don't know if I can find a buyer but it might be my favorite project.
So little known, odd fact here, my driveway to my house actually has a name. There isn't a sign but the driveway is called Peppermint Lane. If you get on google or siri and put my address in it will tell you to turn on Peppermint Lane. Anyway, I am so wanting to make a sign for my yard that says Peppermint Lane. Kind of like this but maybe I could use a few other fake places then just Harry Potter stuff.
Yes, that is all furniture stuff but that is what I pin.
It has been a challenging week personally this week. I am not even talking about the fact that I almost cut my finger off. There are some issues that are stressing me out. I needed this reminder that God has this. He will shape it, and give me knowledge if I ask. Lord, I am asking!
So periodically I go through this burst of depression and sadness because I feel like in the past 5 years I have lost a lot of friends. Now, before I explain this, I want to say that I gained my best friend in that time, my husband. However, there have been some that I considered losses, at the time amd some I couldn't get away from soon enough because they were poison. The loss of the "friends" don't actually bother me now because I realized they have way more problems than I have and they walked away from me because they are so unhappy or jealous or both and I can't nor do I care to fix that. Their loss is theirs. What I do regret is the loss of trust I have toward even my closest friends now. I am worried that if I talk to them and tell them how I feel, they will use that against me too, just like my fake friends did. I worry that opening up to them, they will just go behind my back and talk about me like some of my past people have done. The truth is, the only person I trust completely that isn't my mom, is my husband. Oddly, he has the capablity of hurting me more than anyone but he won't. I know he won't because I trust him completely and I guess that is what a real relationship and love are about. Sadly, none of those people who I lost in the past understand real relationships.
Okay so why I bring this up? Because a few days ago I went through this depression. I realized that basically I was the one left out in the cold and that I always chose wrong. Not in ending the friendships but in picking the friends in the first place. I got so wrapped up in what I thought I knew about these people that I didn't really learn who they were and there were warning signs that they weren't real friends but I ignored it. Anyway, water under the bridge except I realized this has happened to me at least 4 times in my life. I had friends who used me for one reason or another, a place to live (that one has happened in at least 2 fake friend situations), free tickets to concerts or baseball tickets or whatever, (My husband insists that at least 2 friends still owe me for concert tickets they never paid me back for...), the designated driver because I had the car. (That one goes back to High School). I realized a few years ago that I made bad relationship choices with men and I went to talk to a therapist. She helped me get my head screwed on straight and right after that, I met my husband. So the other day it hit me, I have the same pattern of befriending people who use me. I posted on facebook about there being something wrong with me because I keep getting taken in, over and over, and I got so many messages and texts reminding me that I am an amazing friend with a big heart and that I have been there for them throughout the time they have known me. Some I have known for like 30 years and others I have known about 2. Either way, they all said the same thing, there is nothing wrong with you. You aren't broken, you just trusted the wrong people. So, I am working on that but I love my friends for being there for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment