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This is a random blog stick with me please.
If you have been following my blog lately you may have picked up on the fact I am going through a lot of transition.
Seriously, if I shared everything going on right now you would think it was the plot of some bad Lifetime movie. I don't know that I have handled it well. I mean last night I cursed out Twitter because I am sad about Matt Harrison being included in the Cole Hammels trade. That's just not me. That's not who I am. I ended up sitting in my backyard crying over a baseball trade!
I have a lot of stress. My company was sold and there is a lot of transition there. An incredible a amount of change and the unknown. I lost a dear co-worker to death and several others have left for other opportunity. Tomorrow will see me at the memorial service of yet another friend, one of the best men I ever had the honor of calling family.
Someone did their best to try and hit me on the way to work today. My nerves are shot. I realized I simply have to let go of all these things I can't control. They are driving me crazy!
Little things can eat you alive when they build up and multiply. They end up becoming big things and you end up crying...over a baseball trade. I know better. I really do. I don't get attached to players. I don't let little things build up but sometimes life takes over and before you know it everything is a big thing. Before you know it everything is overwhelming and you have to step back.
So I am stepping back and taking a break. I need to clean the slate and concentrate on the stuff that actually matters. I need to find me again. It isn't that I lost myself it's that I let all the craziness from the outside take over.
I worry about so much that I can't let get to me. I can't be responsible for other people's insanity. I can't control other people's feelings. I can't let other people's hate get to me. I have had to remove people from my life because of it.
I am going to share a story now. My grandfather's story. He grew up a Catholic in Indiana in the 20's. When he was a child there was Klan. They would come to his home at night and burn crosses in his front yard. One night he went out into his yard as they were riding around on their horses and he made note of those riders shoes. The next day when he was in town a man came up to him and greeted him at the hardware store. He looked down and saw the shoes of one of the horseback riders who had burned the cross in his yard the night before. My grandfather, just a kid, looked at this grown ass man and said "the next time you burn a cross in my front yard you may want to change your shoes." He turned and walked away. My grandfather was a great man to his dying day. He was a medic in World War Two and I am pretty sure there wasn't one man who's life he saved who cares that he was Catholic. My point is, we let our own hate and bigotry shape our lives. We need to stop. It eats me alive to see how this country is being torn apart. I hate it.
I know this blog is all over the place and I am sorry for that. This is the stuff that has been on my mind and I don't know how else to share. We have to stop. We have to heal. We have to step back. We have to quit blaming each other and put an end to the finger pointing. We are all the same. We are all children of the same God. When we die we are going to one of two places.