Two years and counting

2 YEARS AGO TODAY!

Happy Anniversary to the man: 

Who makes me laugh even when I don't want to. 

Who supports me when things go wrong and that has happened too often in 2016. 

Who likes to argue with me about NFL being better than MLB, he's cray! 

Who let's me be a mom to his kid. 

Who taught me how to be an awesome chicken chick and duck diva. 

Who opened a whole new world of hunting, fishing, and NASCAR to me. 

Who supports me even when I tell him I want to change jobs for the second time this year. 

Who loves me even when I am crazy, bitchy, or annoying.  

Love you, babe. 

Valentine's Blog: The best part of marriage and a message to my single friends

He is such a grump when the camera comes out!

Valentine's Day is coming up fast and with it, the pressure to not be single, be romantic, and get the right gift.    Seriously, the stress involved is just silly.  Single people should celebrate being single.  There are benefits, even if it seems lonely at times.     Relationships, on the other hand,  can't be dictated by a day on the calendar and love isn't something you plan like a dinner menu.   Love really is more like pot luck.  You get what you bring to it and some bonus material that you may or may not have planned on.   When I was single, I had all these romantic ideas about what it must be like to be married on Valentine's Day.   I happened to marry the most romantically challenged man on the face of the earth.  Actually, that is not true, he just thinks differently.  I think flowers are a romantic gift and he thinks showing me blue bird's flying around is a gift.   Truth be told, I have learned to appreciate his little gestures of love even though he can't understand why I insist on buying him stuff.   I even tried to explain that gifts are my love language.   He is too level headed for that.  He isn't cheap, he just has a different idea about what matters.  

Sometimes I think we go into relationships with preconceived notions of what love and marriage mean.  The truth is, it means something different to different people.  For example, I get up and make breakfast for him and my step-daughter about once during the week, sometimes twice.  This morning when I did this, he asked me if I was making him a toast egg-sandwich.  I told him "No, that one is for Liv."  He looked at me and said simply "Thank you for being a good stepmom."  It hit me like a ton of bricks, if I had a child and he was the stepdad, the most important thing to me would be that he loved and took care of my child.  I was honestly touched.  Maybe I give him too much credit but I think it is likely, I don't give him enough.

So without further ado, here are my favorite things about (my) marriage:

*Someone to watch over me:

This is something that can be wonderful but it can also be irritating.   There are times when having my back is the greatest thing about my husband but there are times when he is watching over me and I don't want him looking.   Case in point: Diet Coke.   He is looking out for my best interest and I know it, when he nags me about drinking water and not Diet Coke but I like Diet Coke.   I mean, not as much as coffee but honestly, I feel like it is something I need in my life, even if it isn't good for me.  He nags.  I ignore him nagging.  That is pretty much where we are with Diet Coke.

*Someone to make me laugh:

When I am having a bad day, he tries to cheer me up.  He tells me stupid jokes that make me laugh.  He is the funniest person I know and that makes him wonderful, in my book.   Compatibility on sense of humor may be the biggest part of getting along in a marriage. 

*Someone to share the load with:

We each have our own, special gifts but when we are trying to get things done, and I ask him to help, he jumps right in.  Our only problem is when he needs help and forgets to ask.  

*Someone to play with:

It is like having your best friend living with you at all times.  We play like we are 10 years old.  I mean, actually play.  I can't remember the last time I played with anyone.   Playing keeps you young. Sometimes we are playing around and we actually have to tell the kid that we aren't fighting, we are playing because it looks like we are trying to kill each other. :) 

*Someone to support your crazy ideas:

Sometimes one of us comes up with a crazy idea and we support the goofy.   My ideas tend to run the "I am going to start refinishing furniture and see if I can sell it" crazy train and his tend to run the "Hey, let's bulldoze the backyard and rebuild it to work better for us" kind of crazy.   Either way, we are there bouncing ideas off one another and trying to find a way to make the other person's dream work.  

*Have hug, will travel:

I don't really know what all men are like, but mine doesn't take hints well.  I have learned in the year and a half we have been married and two and a half years we have been together, to just come out and tell him when I need a hug or a back rub or a shoulder to cry on.   See, he is a man and subtle hints don't seem to work well with him.   He is always there to prop me up when I need it and I appreciate that! 

*It's Okay:

We have both had a lot of challenges in the last year, most related to work and changes at our places of business.   When either one of us gets down, the other is there to listen, support, and just basically tell the other 'It's okay.  We will get through this somehow.'   That's actually nice, even when you don't want to hear it. 

*Bad Times:

Bad things happen to everyone.  There are a lot of things you can control but there are a lot of things you can't control.   Companies get sold, people get sick, people die.   When those bad times happen, it is nice to know you have someone there who will pick you up or remind you of what you still have instead of focusing on what you lost. 

*Learning to spread your wings:

Here is the thing, there is no guarantee when you fall in love, you will love someone with your same hobbies. You love who you love, and no matter how much I laugh when I read a blog from a single person saying "10 things I must have from a man to get married"  that simply isn't reality.  You love someone for who they are not what they have.  So hubs and I have different ideas of "super fun"!  I love going to Texas Rangers games, writing, and painting pretty much anything, furniture, the walls, pictures, you name it, I have painted it.    My husband has never been more than a cursory fan of baseball, never reads my blog, and when I ask him about painting the walls, instead of giving me his color preference he says "Do we have any paint in the garage we don't have to actually buy?"   He, on the other hand, likes hunting and fishing, and running around on a 4 wheeler in the cold, wet, fall.  He Me?  I would rather have a heater, shower, indoor plumbing and no sand between my teeth.  I go with him as much as I can stand, can manage to get away from the house. When he comes to me excited about a new fishing thingy or a new hunting what-cha-call-it, I look like the deer in headlights.   We push each other outside of our comfort zones.   It is good to experience things you have never done and places you never knew existed.  

*Compromise:

The biggest struggle of our first year of marriage and the biggest change in our second year of marriage has been compromise.  We have learned to give each other the things we want but not always when we ask the other.  My mixer is the perfect example.  I nagged, bugged, harassed, talked with him about my mixer for several months, weeks leading up to Christmas.   I dropped hints and basically begged him for it.  It was not the right time.  We had agreed we were going to take it easy this past Christmas and not go crazy.   So, I continued to mention it like every other day week after Christmas. Well, as it so happens, I may have put it on Facebook a time or two (dozen) as well.   My friends all knew and three of them were actually shopping when they saw them on sale and sent me different messages.   Turns out, one was marked down about $100 (even thought the price tag said it was marked down $200, I knew better) and when you added the gift cards I had gotten into the mix,  I managed to get the thing for like $40.  I presented the option to him and his response was somewhere between "Yes! Let's go do this! Finally a mixer!" and "Oh thank God you will finally shut up about that damn mixer!".   I don't remember exactly where it was in there because I was too excited.   

Being Single:

Somehow when I was single, I equated that to being broken.   It took me basically meeting my husband and getting married to realize that there was nothing wrong with me before I married him and being married doesn't mean I am better or more worthy.   See, the fact is that while I love and adore my husband, the reality is, had we met 20 years ago, there is a real possibility that he would have hated me, and although he is pretty funny, I might not have liked him.   Timing was important in our relationship.   God knew better!

So, I was never very nice to myself when I was single.  I always wanted to be the girl with the flowers and dinner dates on Valentine's Day.   Do you know what I would love now that I am married?  Time alone.   Seriously, an few hours or better yet, an entire day to myself when I wouldn't feel guilty about reading a book or going shopping and leaving my family to fend for themselves.  When I wouldn't think about grocery shopping or house cleaning.  Time to get my nails done and not remember that the money I spent on them would have been better spent on a new pair of jeans for the kid or repairing the husbands thing-a-ma-jig.   

I really missed my chance to celebrate being single, when I was, so what I wish for all my single friends out there is that they take some time on Feb. 14th to celebrate the person they should love most, themselves.   Be nice to yourself.  Buy your own darn flowers and one of those stupid heart shaped boxes of chocolate.   Sign up to take a class, maybe it is time for that cooking, fitness, painting  or scuba diving class that you have been dying to secretly try.   Soak in the tub with bubbles up to your eyebrows and a glass of wine next to you watching old comedies on Netflix.   Sleep in and enjoy it because honestly, when you get married, you may never sleep in again.   Be kind to yourself because if you don't love you, it is a lot harder for someone else to love you. 

Surviving the 1st year of marriage

I still smile when I see my cake. 

We are fast approaching our 1st year of marriage. I know, I can't believe it either.  I can't say it has all been easy, in fact a lot of it has been hard, really hard.  My situation isn't normal, whatever normal is.   I see all these kids getting married in their 20's, living in their first rented place together outside of mom and dad's house and growing together as a couple without all the craziness and responsibility of kids, dogs, and chickens and I think to myself "how cute".  I missed the chance to be a young bride and meet his parents and have in-laws because by the time I came around, they were all passed.  I missed the chance to get to know my husband before he was a dad, although he is a good dad and the kiddo is a blessing.  I didn't do normal.  

What I do know however are these two things: marry your best friend and remember in the heat of the argument try and remember you love one another.  

That seems simple enough but it isn't.  Neither my husband nor myself are perfect. I know, I know, this is altogether shocking and disappointing.  Believe me nobody is more upset at not being perfect than me. :-) We both have tempers and are stubborn.   This makes life nothing if not interesting.  

There are times when I wanted to give in or give up. Not because I didn't love him but because I didn't like him in that moment.  Luckily, the moment passed and I have gotten some very good advice that basically says "You have to accept one another as is, warts and all.  You won't change for him and he isn't going to change for you."  

Next best marriage advice from a soon to be not newlywed?  Pick your battles wisely and remember nothing you say in the heat of the moment will be forgotten or can be unsaid.   I am terrible at this one, I admit it. My mouth runneth over way too often in arguments.   It has gotten better over the course of the year but learning to not talk is hard for me.  (Insert shock here!). We have had some really stupid fights.  I mean laundry had been a battle royale in our marriage.  See I don't always turn my dirty stuff right side out.  This drives him nuts.  Honestly though,  I have the ability to blow off his blow up and that's what I have learned to do.  I do try to remember in the middle of my complete need to get the bra off (ladies you feel me here) to turn the cloths right side out and sometimes I even do.  It's just not worth an argument.  Silly stuff like that, is marriage.  You get on each other's last nerve once in a while.  

Remember in the bad times that the good times are coming.   Life has a way of beating us all up and down simultaneously.  If you are feeling beaten chances are he is too.  Find a place to pray, think, and make peace within yourself so you can make love not war with your spouse.  Don't bring work anger home and turn it into spouse hate.   Learn to talk to one another not at one another.  Remember your common goals and desires.   

Do it together.   Not everything but find things to do together.  We are building a rail around our deck to keep our friends from falling off.  Okay, not because we want one or need one because our friends aren't stupid or drunks but because the insurance is making us.  (Shout out to State Farm for being just stupid enough to not hear me when I tell you nobody ever walks on the sides of the steps or deck but you know better!) 

I told my husband the other day that working on the deck has actually been nice, if not one of the hottest things ever.  

We are doing it together.   Last week for my birthday (yes you missed it!) we went to his land.  Our land...I always say his but it's ours now.   Anyway, we filled feeders and worked on sprucing up and mowing and trimming together.  We shared the joy of getting bit and stung by hateful wasps. (I am not allergic, he is).  We were exhausted, grumpy, hot and stinky...but we did it together.  Let's be honest, it was 105 so we smelled so bad we couldn't smell ourselves or each other by the end of the trip although I smelled like stink and vanilla because I sprayed down with air freshener.  Yep, air freshener as perfume because who takes perfume camping?  Roughing it in the wild is making use of what you have, ladies! 

You know those things about yourself that drive you crazy?  Yeah well chances are they get on his nerves too.  I mean there are times I can't stand myself and wish I could run away so I know he feels the same way.  That may be the time for a day with your girls and a boys night out for him.  (Although hubs always drags me along on his boys nights because he likes my company or something?). When we were dating he told me the best thing about hunting was he would get a chance to miss me.  (What a bunch of bull! The best thing is bonfires, beer, and hunting buddy talk, I'm not fooled).  Never underestimate the value of missing someone!  You sometimes have to be apart to appreciate what you have.   

One last thing, take some time together, alone, and do nothing special.   We don't do this enough because we have house and boat and land and so dang much on our plate.  Still we get a weekend in here or there a couple times a year to relax and stop.  Kinda.  

Alright that is my sage wisdom and warning for everyone in the midst of wedding or marriage.  What marriage wisdom can you share?   

Hey, It's OK Tuesday

I am still dealing with a sick kid and the doctors are pretty much no help.  How frustrating is it when you have a child who wakes up in the middle of the night crying or getting sick and you have no idea how to help her?  

Okay so here is what is okay with me:

-I have had to work from home the last two days to keep track of the kiddo. She asked me to stay so what was I suppose to do?

-We lost one of our baby chicks yesterday and it makes me so sad. The only thing I can figure is that she got caught under her chicken sisters and was suffocated. I have checked on the remaining little ones repeatedly now making sure they are alright.  Paranoid? Maybe but it's okay. 

-The Texas Rangers are inducting Juan Gonzalez into their Hall of Fame.   In the past the team has been hesitant because Juan hasn't expressed a desire to return for the ceremony.   This year the club decided regardless of whether Juan shows up or not,  he was going to be inducted.   As a long time fan of this club, all I can say is, It's about time!  

-I didn't know until this morning who was even playing in the Stanley Cup much less that anyone had won.  

-I don't think I really understood how many roles a woman plays until I married.  I would kill for a weekend of doing nothing but watching movies and eating cereal.  I wouldn't trade my husband and kid for anything but sometimes I think I didn't really appreciate being single when I was.

-Speaking of that, I had a friend ask me to set them up with some of my friends then proceed to send me a list a mile long of what was acceptable.  I looked at my husband and said "I would not pass these qualifications.  Being lonely sucks but being lonely and picky as you know what is just too much."  I told my friend that I can't help.  I understand picky but many single people seem way too stuck on superficial or stupid things that don't matter like physical appearance, income, and geographically friendly locations.  Look, if you are perfect, you can afford to be THAT picky but if you aren't, take a hard look in the mirror, see yourself honestly, all the pimples, circles under your eyes,  grey hairs and wrinkles and  learn to love and accept your imperfections then find someone who thinks you are amazing just the way you are, warts and all, and try dating different people. You never know.  Someone outside your norm may end up treating you perfectly wonderful, loving you more than anyone but your mother, and accepting you while maybe, just maybe pushing you to new limits.  Hey, it could happen.  It happened to me and that is REALLY Okay.

-It's suppose to rain today and even though the lakes are flooded from the rain for the last 2 months, we have had 2 weeks of dry and I am okay with a little rain. Texas is hot in the summer!

-It seems to me like I am the ONLY person over 35 not running for President.  Can I ask you honestly, why would you want that job?  I mean I don't need a house that big and I certainly don't need the press watching me for weight gain, hair styles, and commenting on my lack of fashion sense.   (Remember when Hillary use to wear headbands when Bill ran?  No, okay you aren't old enough.  It was a MAJOR thing.)  It is REALLY okay that someone else gets that job.

Have a Pinteresting Wednesday 3 plus 10 Things I learned from my Husband

Have a Pinteresting Wednesday!

Okay all, because I didn't write a blog on Tuesday, I am giving you 2 blogs for the price of 1.  Try not to get too excited.  I would do the 2nd tomorrow but I have a special reveal planned for my Favorite Things link up tomorrow so let's check out what I find Pinteresting!

Most of my 'pins' each week go to my DIY section and I have pinned a bunch of China Cabinets that look something like this.   I don't know, but that may just be a project I am planning and Ideas taking shape.  You make what you will of it.

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I have to admit, I have been on a bit of a preaching mission lately with my friends....and in discussion with many people on my painting sites about this same issue...

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You see, there is this mega-furniture store that opened up with mass produced, pre-fabricated, cheap furniture and of course, the mice are flocking to the cheese.   I won't say the name but the place reminds me of Peyton Manning "Omaha, Omaha!".

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I simply have a hard time understanding why you would pay $1000 or more for a mass produced piece of junk when you can find a great low boy dresser and a good furniture artist to turn a quality piece of solid wood into something like this for about half that.   (Dressers in my area unfinished go for about $200-$300 depending on the detail.  If you are a friend of mine, I have even offered to paint it for free to get word of mouth out there for my 'business' in the making.  You simply supply me the paint and sealer, furniture, and the look you want and I will do it for you.  Now, I clearly am not doing this for everyone, just a few select friends but it is a pretty good offer.   However, if you want to go the Omaha route, have at it.  I prefer custom furniture that I can paint or stain the way I want and know that if I change my mind in 10 years, I can redo it because, it is solid wood and quality. (Rant over)

Baseball:  

It's time Rangers fans!  It's baseball time in Texas!  Well almost, Friday is opening day at the ballpark.  I will see you there!

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There is a really good chance that I am going to make both of these signs for my backyard out of pallets.  Stay tuned!

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Food

I am not going to lie to you, I am a pretty good cook but when it comes to making dinner during the week, a lot of times my husband and I turn to 2 things that make us happy and make us full.  One is bacon, eggs and toast.  I could eat it 3 nights a week and never get tired of it.   

The other?  Grilled Cheese.  We do the simple, velveeta on white breat with a little butter in a pan but my husband and kid swear mine is better than anyone else on the earth and my nieces came over for lunch one day and they admitted, I make a pretty darn good grilled cheese.  Of course, these 4 girls are also the same ones that argue over who makes better toast, my husband or my mother.  :)

I have this fantasy about opening a little place on a lake when I retire and selling nothing but different kinds of grilled cheese.  

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Rumor has it there is a grilled cheese burger at the Captian Morgan's Club at the ballpark.  I already told my husband and friend Larry, we have a date for splitting one.

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Who's hungry?

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Okay for the 2nd half of my blog I thought I would share 10 things I have learned from my husband.  I don't want to give him too much credit.  I have probably forgotten 10 times this many things he tried to teach me.  However, since we met 20 months ago  I have had several new experiences and these are a few of the things I have learned.


1. How to drive a boat.   Never needed to do this before hubs.  He isn't the most calmand understanding teacher but he teaches. I may be terrified to make a mistake but I learn. LOL! I can now reverse and go forward and I know how to move the propeller thingy up and down.  He made me watch a video about that but I forget what it is called but the jist is that when you have it one way more of your boat touches water and you go slower but when it is the other way, you go fast and only a few feet of your boat touches water.   It's pretty cool BTW, being in a boat and owning one.  Well, he owns it but it is really nice to have one to go out whenever we want.

2. How to back a trailer.   If you own a boat, you have to back a trailer.  If you want the trailer to go right, you turn it left.  See...I can do this.  I hate it, but I can do it.

3. Basic AC maintence like cleaning the outside unit and changing filters regularly.  Why?  It has nothing to do with your air quality.   It basically saves money.  Just do it.  Your AC runs more efficently, you have less chance of freezing over in the summer when a good AC guy is hard to come by (and my husband is out fishing on the weekend and not making house calls anyway because he does commercial)  and you are sitting in a miserable, hot house.

4. In that same thought, the lie about needing to change your thermostat to save energy.  Here is the thing coming from my AC guy hubs.  Your house, when you raise the thermostat when you are gone, gets hotter.  Makes sense right?  Well guess what, when you get home and turn it down it is now going to have to run twice as hard or more to get it cool again.  Now that seems logical but what it means in reality is this, your furniture, your counters, your appliances, your computers, your TVs, your floors and wall, all got hotter during the day so now to get them back down to a cooler temp, your AC is going on overload cooling.  If you had just left it at 72 or whatever all day, the house would have stayed 72 and cooled for the normal cycle and shut off but because you increased it to 80 when only Fluffy and Fido were home, your house is now going to be cooling half the night just to get it back to 72.

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5. Hunters get a bad rap by some bad hunters.  Much like bad cops give all cops a bad name and bad priests, well, you get my point.   Hunting is actually not only beneficial to the family it feeds but necessary to keep the animal population under control.  I know, I know, Bambi, but here is the thing, Bambi's mom, had she not gotten shot by a hunter, would have probably run out in front of a car and got hit by a driver during the rutt season and not only would the doe have died but also, possibly the occupants of the car.    The state of Texas strictly regulates how, when, where, and how many deer each year you can shoot You only have so many tags.   As for Ferel hogs, they are destructive, over populated, can't be controled no matter how many hunters eliminate each year, and moving into the city.  Don't believe me?  Take a look at what the Texas Parks and Wild Life Department has to say on them.  I was a tree hugging liberal most of my life and I hated hunting no matter what my brother the hunter said.   Joe showed me his land.  Then he showed me the way the hogs destroy and run rough shot over his land.   I saw how destructive and mean they are and I changed my mind.  Even though I don't like deer hunting because I think the animal is so amazing, I understand it.  People need to learn and stop speaking from ignorance.  I spoke from ignorance until my husband showed me the reality of nature.

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6. Fishing: I fished when I was a kid, but before Joe, there was no jigging for crappie in my life.  Before Joe, I had never caught a bass or heard catfish reels go off.  Before Joe, my fishing consisted of a bobber, a worm, and a lot of waiting.  I still like that kind of fishing, there is no pressure, but IF I have to pick which of the two I would rather spend time doing with my husband, it is fishing, hands down.  

7. How to use a chainsaw.  Never used one before hubs.  Never needed to use one before hubs.  Then we bought a house on an acre and a quarter with dead trees and I had to beg him to let me use his chainsaw.  If you missed it from all my furniture posts, I have a thing for the smell of wood so a sander, a saw, a ax, anything that gives me that amazing aroma of wood is something I am saying "I am in" for!

8. NASCAR:

I never watched a race before my husband.  I have since watched them (kind of) and now I am going to my first race this weekend, the Duck Commander 500.  I am so excited and only partly because I think Willie Roberston and clan will be there and I can't wait to see the Duck Dynasty guys. 

9.  Camo is cool.  No really, I took a look around the Racetrac in Princeton, Tx last weekend and I could not believe the number of guys that wear camo all the time.   Suddenly I realized, I like this kind of man.  He is strong, no nonsense, and when he makes his mind up (even when he is wrong and disagrees with his wife) he stands his ground.   That is what a real man is.  Real men wear camo and spit and make nasty sounds around a camp fire that they chuckle over.  

10.  The most important thing my husband has taught me is forgiveness isn't a one way street, saying "I am sorry" are not the hardest words to say, sometimes it is better to just not say anything so you don't have to apologize later and being right isn't as important as being loved.    

In the beginning: The start of the start, the good, the bad, and the nasty

Just in time for Valentine's Day, a love story.   Okay, truth be told, when I was single, I hated these things.  I hated Valentine's Day too.  It seemed to me like it was just a reminder that I was a failure in the relationship department.   To be honest, now that I am married, I realize so much more about why I am better for having been single forever. Not to mention, if my husband and I had met in our 20's we would not have fallen in love with one another.  We just wouldn't have.  He was not my 20-something self's cup of tea. So before I give you all the  beautiful, wonderful, amazing,  totally mushy details of my love story, let me start with the ugly truth.


Background:

My love life, when I met my husband was on life support.  Actually, to say that I even cared would be giving way too much credit to the place I was mentally at the time we met.   I had given up on love.

You see, I had just come out of a terrible experience.  I won't call it a relationship because what it actually was is a toxic friendship trying to be a relationship.   I met the guy before my husband on Twitter.   I know, I know, don't date guys you meet on Twitter. (I met my husband on Twitter too so I didn't learn!).   The guy before, GB for short, was everything I thought I wanted and nothing I needed.  He was a huge Rangers fan, sort of technically inclined, had a smart a@@ sense of humor, which I find attractive for some stupid reason, and best of all he liked me.   I wasn't very fond of myself at the time so it seemed like a perfect situation.  He and I didn't meet until we had been communicating for months and months and months.   We finally met at a baseball game and I was smitten.  It helped that he seemed to like me because this made it much easier to make excuses for his bad behavior.  There was a LOT of bad behavior.

We will start with the fact that after he and I had been together a few times, he finally confessed, admitted,  told me the truth,  that he may not actually be divorced.  This admission only came after I actually asked, by the way.   Not divorced when all over the internet he was saying his "ex-wife"?  This completely confused me.  Apparently, he didn't know if he was or wasn't.....divorced.   Um, okay.   Somehow, I made excuses for that.  I should have run.  I would have run if I had more self confidence but...I didn't.  Then came the night he got mad at me in a bar and left me without saying goodbye because "I was ignoring him". (I had come with my friend Trish so at LEAST he didn't leave me stranded!)  Next came the fact that he stood me up, not once, but twice, at the ballpark.  Once when I had a free ticket for him (his B-day present) and once when he asked to be invited to a tailgate and then didn't show up. He was at the tailgate game, he just couldn't be bothered to come say hi.   At this point, I was pretty much done.   I barely talked to him on Twitter and was so confused about how a man who stood in my house complaining about his wife/ex-wife and how she was begging him to get back together with him...but he didn't want to and was afraid to tell her.... but when he saw himself married in the future, he saw himself married to me, (yes, I fell for that line of BS) could treat me like last nights left overs.   Oh but that wasn't the end.   Next came him sending me messages asking to meet up with my friends and myself to mountain bike together.   I wasn't rushing in to that because I figured, he had played me pretty well at that point and I wasn't really too trusting.  Good choice.   Eventually he got kind of quiet and wasn't sending me text message and there was a good reason.  It seems, he 'accidentally' got someone else pregnant.

I was crushed.  I cried.  I died a little. I lost all trust of men.  I lost all faith in love and relationships.  I lost all faith in myself to know a good man when I saw one. I became depressed.  I wanted to die.  I wanted to stop feeling. I went to a therapist.  I put my friends through hell.  I would burst into tears for nothing, I complained, I was self involved, I wasn't a very good friend because I was so wrapped up in my broken heart.  I shut down for basically 8 months...right up until the moment the kid was born.  When the baby came I sent GB a message congratulating him.  (We were still friends on Facebook and Twitter at that time and I was trying to be nice)  He sent me a message back telling me how afraid he was and how this isn't what he wanted but he was trying to do the right thing and blah, blah, blah.  I just didn't care.

My Hubs:

While all of that was going on with me, my husband was ending a very complicated 19 year relationship and marriage.   Complicated doesn't even begin to explain it.  His now ex had asked him for a divorce a year and a half before, they tried counseling, they failed.   They had agreed to file for divorce but due to his ex-wife's medical issues, they agreed to wait until she was released from the hospital.   To say they didn't like each other by that point, would be the understatement of the century.  He was actually dealing with a ton of guilt for leaving a disabled wife even though she is the one who wanted the divorce. He was also worried about his child.  He needed a friend.

The meeting:

I met my future husband, J, on Aug. 8, 2013.  We had talked on the phone for about a week before we met.  We had tweeted back and forth with some other friends for a few weeks prior to that.   My birthday was August 5th and when I met my mom for lunch that day she asked me if there was anyone new in my life.   My exact response to her was "There is this guy who I am talking to but he is just now divorcing so he is just a friend. He is funny but  I don't need that complication."   Famous. Last. Words.  

Our first meeting was lunch at Chik-fil-a.   You know that whole "Have your marriage at the first place you met" thing?  Yep, my marriage would have been full of cows and chicken mini's.   We talked, We laughed, We made goo-goo eyes at the adorable baby sitting next to us.  I liked him.  He made me smile.  I hadn't smiled in months.  He had a good heart.  He was kind.  He was honest and told me exactly everything that was going on in his life.  He was funny in that...He is so goofy you can't help but laugh at him sort of way.  (No really! He has this litany of stupid jokes he tells everyone about 5 minutes after meeting them and he won't stop no matter how much I beg him!)  He wasn't what I wanted.  I didn't want a hunter, gun owner, fisherman.  That was exactly my brother.  He was a Cowboys fan not a Rangers fan.  I mean, that is insane.  I had season tickets for crying out loud...to the Texas Rangers.   He wasn't at all right for me. Right? Maybe not. He was kind of cute and sweet.  He held my door.  He was almost a gentleman.

And then I freaked out.  He called me that night or the next, I don't remember, and told me we really need to be friends.  I told him fine because I wasn't over GB.  This annoyed him.  I was already annoyed because I felt like he was ditching me and I didn't even want a relationship with him...because he wasn't divorced yet.

The next day he called and asked me to meet him for dinner, to talk, at a biker bar.   How charming he is.  I did.  From that point on, we kind of just clicked.   We became friends.  Then he took me to see his recreational land.  It was hot, dirty, and while he was talking about how much he loved that place and how he didn't want to lose it in his divorce, I was thinking to myself, "Oh my GOD, I could fall for this guy.  He reminds me of my grandfathers".   He says that is when I fell in love with him.  I tell him it is more like when I realized I had a mad crush on him.  After that, we were just there for each other.   Okay, he was going through way more than I was but he did things for me on the rare occasion when we got a chance to see each other....(NO! I don't mean those kind of things.)  I mean he fixed things at my house.   If cooking is the way to a man's heart then fixing things is a really good start on hooking a woman!

Friends, Divorce, and Family:

Because I had put my friends through so much with GB, I decided to not share with them the things going on with J and myself.   This turned out to be a mistake with some of them.   See, I was on thin ice with them relationship wise because they pretty much hated that I let GB walk all over me, they hated GB for pulling the crap he did, and they lost all faith in my ability to make any decisions where men were concerned.   To them, there was very little difference between GB and J.

In the meantime, J and I were going through some craziness.  You think dating is hard?  Date someone who is going through a divorce and custody fight.  At different points in our getting-to-know each other, I was sure his ex was actually going to murder him.  I didn't have any guilt in our relationship because I knew that I had nothing to do with his marriage breaking up and because that marriage seemed pretty darn toxic, to me. People grow apart. It happens.

And then, when the divorce was almost final, he needed a place to stay.   I offered my house.   Yep, there is nothing about moving slow that I ever actually believed in.   When I told my friends our plan, three of them let me know in very clear terms they did not approve.   Two were diplomatic about it.  One told me I was going to hell for, well for a lot of things: Dating a married man, not waiting until the divorce was final, living with someone.  I don't really know what all I am going to hell for, exactly.  The way to get me to see your point  is not to start telling me that you know God is sending me to hell.  I didn't take that well.  I said a BUNCH of nasty things and then told this friend we were not friends anymore.   The thing is, in the process, I lost the other two friends too.   I cried, a lot.  I beat myself up for everything, even though deep down, I felt like my friends were wrong for casting judgement on J, who they had never met,  wrong for trying to make me choose between J and them and just plain wrong about our relationship, which they didn't know much about. I loved these people and I felt betrayed.  (I still love them, I don't feel betrayed anymore, I just try not to feel anything where they are concerned. The hurt is still there but it is what it is.  The friendships were never repaired.)

Next came meeting the families and the friends who stood by me.   Mom loved J.   My friend Trish and her (now) husband loved him. My brother and sister-in-law loved him.  My nephews and nieces loved him.  My friend Alaina loved him. My friend Jan loved him.  Actually, almost everyone who knows J, loves his grumpy, silly, goofy self.   I met his daughter on Thanksgiving.  My step-daughter was the big challenge for me.  He had it in his head that she had to like me or we had to break up.  No pressure there.  Luckily for me, my step-daughter loved me from the start and after knowing me a month, she started asking when her dad and I were getting married.  LOL!  He had been divorce about 2 months and we hadn't even told her we were dating.   She is a smart cookie.

(Next week....the proposal, AW!)


Question:
How did you meet your boyfriend, best friend, or spouse?   Was it totally romantic or like me, just a total fluke?

Thankful Thursday Blog Hop!

For those of you new to my blog, I decided in December to make Thursday a blog about being Thankful.  I decided to go ahead and create a Blog Hop so if you love the idea of sharing what you are thankful for grab my button and link up below.  If anyone wants to co-sponsor this link, I am totally willing to share the love and thankfulness.  Send me a note and we can talk! I didn't really tell anyone or promote this so I am leaving this hop open until Tuesday if anyone wants to join in.  Also, I intend to make this a weekly post even if I am the only one posting! :)  I hope someone joins in however....or a lot of someones.  

source

Here are the things I am super thankful for this week: 

My marriage.  

Don't misunderstand me, marriage is hard work.  Learning to be married has been a struggle for me and for him? Well, I can't answer for him but we are constantly working on being calmer together.  We have been married 4 months but sometimes it feels like years. My hubby isn't romantic but every once in a while the sweetest things come out of his mouth that make me feel so good about myself.  I'm so thankful he came into my life. 

Answered prayers.  

God has been working overtime.  That's all I really want to say. 

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My time being single:

You know the funny thing? When I was single all I wanted to be was married.  When I was single I thought being single meant something was wrong with me.  Now I look back at my single time and realize it was a gift of many years.   I didn't have to figure out who I was outside of my marriage because I already knew.  I have untapped strength because of all those years of doing for myself.  

Laughter: 

I am so very thankful for the ability to laugh and to make others laugh.  With laughter comes healing, comfort, and shared joy. 

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My failed relationships: 

I am so thankful they failed.  When I look back on them, I see so many things that were wrong.  I see people who didn't deserve to have me in their lives.  When I look back I see a me that was emotionally unhealthy and sometimes weak.  I am thankful for the failure that made me stronger and the pain that forced me to grow and become a better person.  

My readers: 

Honestly I don't know who most of you are and what your motivation for reading the wild rambling and insights from a ginger-mind but I thank you for stopping by everyday and for following me.  I especially appreciate my followers so please feel free to go and follow me via bloglovin or email!  (How's that for a pitch?) 

Okay here are some less serious things I am thankful for: 

Cheese: 

Oh how I miss you!  Cheese you are gooey and delicious grilled, on pizza and tacos.  You add that little joy to the world.  I just wish you didn't also add that little pudge to the gut! 

It works

My workout machine: 

The lady that owned the house before us left it for me.  Yes the little meter is tied on because the hook on the back is broken but it works and I love it! I can workout and spend time with the family.  Well, ok if they want to watch my bottom wiggling, they spend time. ;) 

Fruit ice: 

This stuff has saved me.  Water, fruit, and ice.  It's kind of like ice cream but good for you.  

Coffee:

Oh this is a daily thanks moment.  If you missed my obsession, I think this is the second or third time this week I mention coffee. 

This is heaven 

It's almost time:

Baseball Spring Training starts in less than a month!  I live for baseball...okay, I use to live for it.  I just can't wait for it now. 

My blog:

I am really thankful for the outlet and I am devoting 2015 to becoming a better, more positive blogger.  I have made some awesome friends through blogging and I have been listening and reading and doing a bunch of research on just how to be a productive blogger.   There will be many changes to the blog in 2015 but my focus will always be sharing experiences of life and lots of DIY!

Okay, that's it.  What are you thankful for?   What are the big and little things that matter most in your life?

An InLinkz Link-up

Happy sayings and Friendship

Friendships matter. 

Good friends find a way to stick together through the years.  

Today I salute some of my friends who manage to support me through my life changes.  Some have been a part of my life for years and years and some I "inherited" when I got married.   

Love you guys! 

Marriage Monday: Learning MARRIED: A little help please!

First let me say that Every Single Day, I thank GOD for my husband.  Being single today is hard.  Harder than most people think.  There are a lot of good single people out there but unfortunately, there are a lot of single people out there who are single for a reason.  Don't believe me?  Ask your single friends about their last date from Hell.  I bet most of them will tell you about the last date they actually had.  :(

I came to a realization very early on in my marriage (I have been married 3 months so everything is early on right now but this was about week 3) that I had no clue how to "be" married.  You see, I had been a "me" all of my adult life and now I needed to start thinking like a "we".  This was all new to me, even though my husband and I lived together first, I was still doing my stuff.  

So at some point I decided I needed to find some help on just being married. This stuff doesn't exactly come naturally and relationships, all relationships, are hard.  I mean, all relationships are really hard, family, friends, kids, and husband and wife.  You only have to look at the divorce rate to know that marriage isn't easy.  

So, I turned to a sweet and awesome couple I know and asked them for some books.   Thanks Donny and Katie for helping me out on not only on recommending books for me but also on making me feel, not so alone in learning how to be married.     I admit, I came into marriage thinking everything was going to just be natural.  Living with another human isn't natural automatically, it takes work.   Especially, when one or both of those humans are stubborn, know it all's who have been doing things their way for a long time and not expecting to change.  GUILTY!

Anyway, Donny and Katie individually sent me a list of books and being the cutest couple on earth, they of course sent me the same list without knowing it.  (Seriously, y'all).   I completed one book so far in the Donny and Katie healthy marriage series of books.  (Okay, that's my name for it, like it or not) and that book was AMAZING!

   The first book they recommended was The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  I read this book very quickly and part of it is because it is an easy read.  The thing is, it makes so much sense.   I realized very early on in reading that my love languages were physical touch and gift giving.  Now, physical touch doesn't mean getting busy for all the guys out there reading thinking, "Oh yes, that's me!"  It means hand holding and kissing that doesn't lead to getting busy and just cuddling.   Yep, that's me.   Next is gift giving.  Much to my husbands dismay, whenever I come home from the store, I usually have a little something for either him or my step-daughter.   Nothing big, mind you but a little gift.  Gummy bears or peanuts or something I know they like.  It drives him nuts but I realized immediately, that's me saying "I love you and thought about you while I was shopping."   Now, I am not going to share his love language but know that they are not mine.   It took a while for me to figure him out but when I did, I started adjusting some of my behavior to speak his language.  Not only has life gotten easier but it has made us closer.


I also did some research and found a lot of books with high recommendations on Amazon.  How we Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich is one of those books.   Now, to be honest, I just started this book so I can't give you a ton of input on it yet, however, it gets 4.5 stars on Amazon and that is always a good sign to me. 

Finally, I discovered iTunes has a LOT of podcast material and since I have a good little commute everyday, I have enjoyed the ability to listen to several on my way to and from work.   Here are the three I am enjoying most:

Ohana Baptist Church Marriage Classes podcast: 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-classes-at-ohana/id78822318?mt=2&i=320476482

I am not Baptist, I am Catholic but that makes absolutely no difference when I am listening to the pastor in this series.  The pastor is funny and speaks in a friendly manner that is inviting and captures your attention.   A little background.  This is a class he gave at his church in 2004.  The class is based on a handbook they provided and some of the audio is hard to hear because you can't hear the questions but you still get this amazing weekly or daily pep talk about God's plan for marriage.  I highly recommend this series.  

Save the Marriage podcast with Lee Baucom PhD.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/save-marriage-podcast-how/id680884572?mt=2&i=326678847

I am not going to lie, this is my favorite.   The podcast is enjoyable, easy to listen to, covers a vast amount of information and situations and even though it is called SAVE the marriage it doesn't mean you have to have a troubled marriage to learn.  In fact, Dr. Baucom mentions a few times that he does the podcast with the idea of teaching people how to have healthy relationships before their marriage needs saving.   The latest podcast, by the way, has Dr. Gary Chapman being interviewed about the 5 Love Languages.  The interview is funny, insightful, and I wanted it to go on and on.

Marriage today with Jimmy and Tammy

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-today-jimmy-karen/id209659095?mt=2&i=326568253

This is a series I just started listening to but I have to tell you they seem cover a variety of personal issues that effect the marriage and it is done, again, from a biblical basis so they are teaching family values with a sense of humor and the information is spot on covering subjects that trouble most people in today's society like fear, anxiety, and insecurity.  


One of the things I found most interesting in all of these classes is how they all agree on the basic principal that making a marriage work, in the end, is a lot healthier than letting it fail and falling into a pattern of marriage and divorce which seems to happen, a lot.  The failure rates on 2nd and 3rd marriages are even higher and people tend to get on a merry-go-round searching for a 'soul-mate' who understands them perfectly never realizing, that person doesn't exist.  I mean really, do you even understand you perfectly?  I don't.  
 *With the knowledge they are not recommending you stay in every situation.  Abuse is abuse, pure and simple.

Alright, that is my list.  So what books or podcast have you found most useful in making your relationship healthier?   Any relationship, parent, friend, husband-wife, kid.   Seriously, I am going to need that kid one soon.  I have an 11 year old now!

Marriage: Becoming "and Laura"

*A funny thing happened when I got married,  I became "and Laura" as in husband and wife.   Suddenly everyone was saying his name "and Laura", my mail was coming "and Laura" at first I didn't think anything about it but last night I realized my auto insurance carrier, mine you see, had sent my renewal policy to us with his name on the mail "and Laura".   I have had this policy since I was 18 years old.  I am 44.  You do the math.  

So I sit here reminding myself marriage is about becoming a "we" and wondering does that mean I have to totally lose me?  Do I become a second thought for the rest of my life?  I know I am not in his mind.  I know I am not in the dogs mind. I guess that will have to be enough because suddenly apparently the rest of the world has reverted to 1952 and I am only "and Laura".  

*some of this is tongue in cheek and some is kind of weird observation 

After 'I do': Life can get real, real fast!

One month ago today was the happiest day of my life.   I married my soulmate and gained a daughter.  

Two days later we closed on our 'dream home' and then life got real....real fast. 

I'm not going to go through the list of real but it runs the table from plumbing problems, badly wires that wanted to start a fire, and an overnight hospital stay (don't ask) yesterday. 

In the middle of all of the drama, tears, sickness, health, arguments over stupid stuff that doesn't matter, and dealing with children...lots of them sometimes,  I realized that nothing is that serious that we can't get through it if we just work together. Well, almost nothing, health you can't take for granted because we are fragile. 

I think everyone should spend a few hours/days in the hospital just so they remember how lucky they are. Go sit in the ER and watch the people go in and out.  When you see the 80 year old woman come in with her son after they found her slumped over at home, a slip and fall, ask yourself if you would feel lucky to get to 80.  When you see the car accident victim come in with the head brace and looking perfectly fine, ask yourself if you are tough, honest, or stupid. When you see the kid with the broken bone from skateboarding ask yourself how you would feel if that was your child then kiss your healthy kid.  Finally, when you see the 20-something woman following behind her husband on a stretcher carrying his stuff while he is being wheeled in, on oxygen, clearly in poor healthy, and you immediately think of how someone you know has cancer and could be doing that today, thank your lucky stars that your pain in the bottom spouse is not the one dying young. That's what I did.  

We all get comfortable but today I feel like God doesn't want me to be comfortable, He wants me appreciative, challenged, and gracious.   He wants me strong, faithfull, and honest.  Mostly, God wants me to think before I act and see the beauty in the chaos. Yes, Lord, even when the chaos is bad old pipes that need to be dug up and replaced.   (The house not my hubby). 

Marriage, New House, & Luke Bryan!

I haven't blogged in a little while mostly because I have been really busy getting married...





Moving into my new house and unpacking which never seems to end...


And spending some QT with Luke Bryan. Priorities! So I promise when life calms down a little I will post all about the wedding which was beautiful and the new-old house which I love. Until then just know all is really, really good!



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Things I wish I could ask my Grandparents

Maybe it's because of the wedding but I have found myself crying all morning because I miss my grandparents. I miss all four of my grandparents so very much. I find myself wishing I could ask then some questions about life some really important and some just important to me. Here are some things I would love to know:

-how do you set up and keep a compost pile?

-how do you live with a man for 30 years and not kill him?

-how do you learn to agree about stupid things kitchen appliances without it becoming a discussion? Why can't I just have my kitchen? I'm not making suggestions on outdoor tool and grills. Just let me do the house, please!

-I want my grandmother'a recipe for the "Don't fence me in" cookies that nobody can find!

-how do you get past the annoying things you do that make each other crazy?

-kids...how do you raise them to turn out well? Help please! I mean none of my parents or aunts and uncles ended up on drugs or alcoholics.

-house cleaning tips. Come on you didn't really spend all day, every day cleaning, right? There have to be things you did to make it easier and fast. I saw those gardens!

-speaking of gardens I want to grow those tomatoes you use to grow. I haven't had a good one since any of you grew them.


I am sure there are twenty two other things I would ask but mostly I would just tell them I miss them and love them.




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Being a Bride: 5 Thought

This is not my wedding dress...just one that didn't make the cut.


So the day is getting closer and I have a few thoughts and bits of advice about getting married. Here in no particular order are the things I have learned along the way.

-Never try to sell and buy a house in the same 3 week period that you are getting married. You don't have time to cry, stress, and pull your hair out about one thing because there are five others happening at the same time. Every single day. The good news is, I didn't have time to be a Bridzilla because I have too busy being a buyerzilla. You think it's easy trying to make a ginger happy when you are messing with me on my dream home?

-Don't worry about 'stuff'. The great thing about having all the house buying problems has been that the wedding planning has been nothing but a distraction and a welcome one at that. I never have worried about anything going wrong on my wedding day. I know it probably will. It isn't a big deal. As long as he makes it, I make it, the minister makes it, and our families make it, we are good. We have the rest of our lives to work on getting to perfect.

-Have your dream wedding, whatever that is. I'm wearing cowboy boots under my dress and I have just enough sport related stuff at the wedding that you know, it's me getting married. It's not my mom's idea of a perfect wedding but short of having the ceremony at the Ballpark, it's mine. Since I got engaged at the Ballpark, I'm good!

-Realize in the end that it isn't about who can't or won't show up but about the people that love you as a couple and have been there to support you individually and as a unit. They will also be there in the future. All that truly matters in the end is that love wins.

And last but not least you realize, OMG, I'm getting married!!!

Simply me

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