Baseball Talk: The things I want Josh Hamilton to know

This isn't a Dear Josh Hamilton blog but it could be.  These are the things I would tell Josh if I could sit down and talk to him.  

I have been thinking about this all weekend.  Josh Hamilton coming back to my Rangers.  Josh said some dumb things when he left.  Even before he left the perception from the fans was he quit on the team.  Josh Hamilton has some fences to mend in Dallas-Ft. Worth.  

Josh was a great player for 4 1/2 years here.  He had the most successful years of his career in a Rangers uniform.   He was beloved by fans.  He was loved by me. He was my favorite Ranger.   

I am a good fan.  I try to see the best in players who wear the Rangers uniform.  I defended CJ Wilson when 98% of Rangers Nation hated him and that was while he was with the team. I tried to support Lance Berkman even though I thought he was a jerkface.  Turned out I was right but, it was the name on the front of the uniform not the name on the back.  I didn't boo him.  It killed me but I didn't.  I have never booed a Rangers player until Josh Hamilton's last game in Texas.  I was frustrated, the fans at the park were frustrated.  Josh clearly didn't care or if he did, he did a good job of pretending like he didn't. 

So we fast forward two years.  Hamilton's world is collapsing.   He has filed for divorce from his wife, Katie.   He and the Angels have had a falling out over his self admitted drug relapse.  He apparently wants to come home.  He  seemingly wants to play for Texas.   He has some work to do. 

First and foremost Josh needs to get his priorities straight.  He needs to quit hiding behind his faith.  He needs to stop making excuses for his bad decisions and take responsibility for his life, his addiction, and his baseball career.   That is the Christian in me talking.  I have a lot of faith too but Josh, at this point, comes off as a hypocrit of the worst Christian kind.  I don't know what his personal struggles are beyond his substance abuse but he obviously has problems.  We all do.  I can't make excuses for my life and neither should he.  He makes his own choices and nobody believes that God told him to go to California to get the big money contract and subject himself to the lure of the Hollywood life.   I don't think that was God talking, it sounds more like Katie Hamilton.  He made a dumb choice so say that.  

I don't need an apology from Josh for calling DFW a bad baseball town.  I don't care what he said.  I chalk that up to him being butt hurt because the Rangers didn't go after him with the crazy money the Angels did. The truth is, this isn't a baseball town.  It isn't a basketball town.  It is not a hockey town.  It isn't even a football town, Sorry Cowboys, it isn't.   Dallas-Ft. Worth is a winners town. Aside from a few fans who support the individual teams come Hell or High Water, the town supports the team that is winning. 

Source

What I need to see from Josh is to see that he cares again or maybe for the first time ever.  I need to see that he is going to give baseball 100% when he is on the field.  I think he plays hard but he makes dumb choices.  I need Josh to play smart.  Baseball came easy for him, he says so in his book.   Baseball probably came too easy.   I don't feel like Josh Hamilton loves the game.  I feel like Josh Hamilton plays because he is naturally skilled athletically and this is the game he knows.   Alright, that is fair.  He can make a ton of money playing a little boys sport but he also needs to respect the people in the stands who do not make a ton of money.   He needs to play baseball the way the game should be played and I am not just talking about hitting homeruns and catching balls.  I am talking about respecting the sport that has given him everything money can buy.  I am talking about making the team he plays for and the fans who cheer him, and Rangers fans will cheer him again, a priority in his life.  Josh Hamilton has become some kind of cartoon figure, spouting religion and talking in baseball circles.  It is time for Josh Hamilton to stop hiding behind his faith and start taking the heat for himself.  He can do that by simply saying he has screwed up publically and that he wants to get his act together....again. 

I want to like Josh Hamilton again but more than that I want Josh Hamilton to like himself.   I want him to be smarter.  I want him to play smarter.  I want him to make better choices in life.  For himself, for his kids, and yes, there is a part of me that hopes he manages to patch up his marriage.  Nobody can do it for him.  Only Josh Hamilton can babysit Josh Hamilton.   He does not need, nor should he get an accountability partner. It is time for Major League Baseball, the Texas Rangers, and everyone who is around Josh Hamilton to stop catering to his addiction, personal flaws, and private hell.  It is time for Josh Hamilton to grow up and be the person God wants him to be and the player fans deserve.  Any fans but especially Texas Rangers fans who stood by him when he fell more than once.  It is time for Josh to be responsible for Josh. 

So will I cheer for Josh?  Yes, I will.  Am I selling out?  No, I am not.   Did I want him back?  Not really, but the deal the Rangers have made is too full of potential and too low on the risk side not to give it a shot.   Am I going to dust of my now SHamilton t-shirt?  Probably not.  I will wear that to paint in but I can't take the S off and I am not sure I want to anyway. I prefer to forgive his stupidity when he left in attacking the fans and never forget.   Am I going to run out and buy a new Hamilton shirt.  Nope.  Been there, done that.   Do I want Josh Hamilton to be happy?  Sure, I want everyone almost everyone to be happy.  Do I want him to positively effect the Rangers?  Heck yes, this team is floundering with low batting averages and bad pitching.   Do I expect a lot from Josh Hamilton?  Not really.  

In the end, I am a good fan and I will be there to cheer but cheering a player and trusting them are two very different things.  Josh Hamilton lost the fans trust a long time ago and he has some fences to fix before he should even think about getting that back.  

And that is what I would tell Josh Hamilton, if I could.    

The Forgiveness Project: Saying my peace & letting go

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I have been working lately on growing and part of that growth has been learning to forgive things from my past.   Mistakes I made and people who hurt me.  Trust has never been my strongest characteristic, with good reason.  With that in mind, I have decided it is time to formally forgive those who hurt me, not for them, for me.   So while I am saying my peace and forgive these folks, they won't be mentioned by any form of name. 

1.  Frankly you rarely cross my mind but that is mostly because of the way our friendship ended which was so cold and hateful and while almost every other friend I have lost over the years I have, at least some sense of responsibility for the end, with you I have none.  I honestly feel sorry for you. As attractive as you are on the outside it is as hateful as you are inside.  Obviously this isn't an apology.  This is forgiveness so I forgive you.  I hope you find some peace someday and I hope you stop trying to compete with your sibling and just learn to like yourself.  Maybe then other people will like you.  I hope you also learn to stop stabbing people in the back.  All the things you did to me, honestly made me laugh but I know you meant to hurt me so I do forgive you. Forgiven

2. We said some horrible thing to each other when our friendship ended and somehow I ended up the "bad guy" in the situation but the truth is you were out of line and while I will never understand how you could treat someone who was suppose to be a friend the way you treated me and you hurt me in a way no man ever has,  I hope your life improves because frankly you have always seem so angry, it makes me sad. I also know you don't care about my forgiveness and you don't care about me.  That's ok.  I am not asking to be friends with you.  I don't want to be friends again, honestly.  I would never trust you again after the things you said.  I forgive you for the hurtful things you said and the judgement you brought down on me.  You were wrong in the end, so it doesn't matter. Forgiven

3. Forgiving you means I have to actually think about you and that is something I try not to do but just this once, so I can let this go forever, here goes.  I forgive you for the lies and yes, they were lies.  I forgive you for your indecisiveness.  I actually thank you for that because I am with my husband because of that.  I forgive you for walking out on me. I forgive you for using me.  I forgive you for your lapse in pretty much anything close to honor or manhood. I am glad you found some, finally.   I forgive you for using my friends which, let's be honest, is what you do, to make yourself feel important. Most see through you, that's okay.  I even forgive you for being a huge reason why some of my friends didn't trust my judgement when it came to my relationship with my future husband. In the end I found out who my real friends are because of you but in the meantime you caused so many problems you don't even know about and you caused a lot of pain.   You are also a huge reason why I gained an amazing husband and family so because of that, and because I just don't care to carry the pain of you for the rest of my life, I forgive you. Forgiven

4. Your behavior hurts people I love and adore and I do not know how you continue to pull your stunts and look them in the eye.  I am so unclear how and why you do the things you do and how you live with your lies and criminal behavior.  You really should be in jail.  I forgive you but I am watching you and I will be there to pick up the pieces when you implode and you will.  I refuse to let those I love pay the price for your 'crazy'. I would ask you to get help but I know you don't want it.  I will simply forgive you, until tomorrow or the day after when you screw up again. Forgiven

Well, that's it.  I wrote my peace and can let go. I don't have anything to do with 3 out of 4 people and the 4th will never be out of my life until one of us dies so there is that.  There are probably a couple of other people I could add but I just don't really know that I have anything to really say.  Sometimes, you just stop being close and life goes on.  Sometimes you should never have been close to begin with. 

While I am forgiving I should say there are things I need to forgive myself for as well.  Falling for the wrong man, trusting the wrong friends, letting myself be used and getting angry at dumb things are probably the most important.   I learned from those things and forgive myself those things as well. Also, I am not perfect, shocker, I know, and probably need forgiveness from others but this is about me forgiving to heal not asking forgiveness.