Changes, rebirth, and retooling

A lot is going on in my life right now, not the least of which is that I am working on retooling this blog and simplifying my message and find a clear direction.   My platform may change, I haven't decided yet.  I am working on a redesign, something I have never been completely satisfied with, through the years.  I want to make navigation easier as well.  I am also intent on improving my picture quality. I am going to invest in a great camera soon but until that happens, I will be using my digital camera starting Monday.  It is a point and shoot so don't get too excited. 

 I also have my personal laptop fixed and ready to go.  Up until now, I have posted mostly from my phone.  Getting my laptop clean took several days at Geek Squad since, even though I don't use it, the thing had almost 3000 different malware and virus' on it.   How does that happen when it is never hooked up to the internet anyway?  (Yes, I had virus protection it and it didn't work, so I changed to a new program.)   With that in mind, I ask that you stick with me a little longer and I will have a great new layout and plan ready soon.    I am putting an extra lot of thought into this so that I finally get it right.   

In the meantime, I thought I would share with you a little bit about what I have been working on the last few weeks that I haven't blogged.   First is the desk from hell.   I have never worked so hard at prepping a piece of furniture in my life.   That includes the antique dresser I had to basically rebuild drawers on last summer.   This piece will finally be ready for refinishing this weekend and there is a chair that I am going to paint to match and recover with fabric for my almost teen.   I can't wait to share with you the finished piece.   

I have been sick for the last two weeks and been on antibiotics and steroids.  In fact, 2 weeks ago, I was in the ER trying to get better. It hasn't worked.  This delayed my work on the desk more than once not to mention that I was too sick to work on the blog.  I apologize to everyone who missed me.  Did anyone miss me?

My chickens are going to be a big part of the remodeled blog.  I wanted to share this picture I took last night.  This is what happens every single time I walk out the door.   They come running up to me in anticipation.   Yesterday morning I gave them some grapes and if you have never seen chickens with grapes, well just suffice it to say, chicken football is better than the puppy bowl! 

I have also been working on the yard and spring is finally showing it's beautiful face in North Texas.  Finding plants my chickens won't eat is a challenge.   Luckily, I have managed to salvage a few from their hungry little beaks.  

Last year we planted fruit trees in the front and back.  The peach, pear, and plum trees are in bloom and while they won't bear any fruit for another year or two, they are making the yard simply beautiful.

I love just looking at the blossoms and enjoying the beauty of nature.   Finding happiness in the simple things in life is my major goal right now and a big part of my future.  (Hint, hing!) 

My bulbs are starting to bloom as well.   I can't take all the credit for the plants in my front yard as the previous owner did a really good job starting the yard off.  I am adding roses and more chicken friendly bulbs and plants.   This is a huge challenge and something I will share more about in future blogs.  

I am also in the process of removing a lot of weed barrier in the front flower beds.   The weed barrier probably seemed like a good idea to the previous owner but two things about it make them have to go.

First and most importantly is that it does nothing to stop the weeds from growing.  In fact, last year I spent a good amount of time trying to kill the weeds that simply planted themselves on top of the weed barrier and grew down.    Second and almost as irritating is that I can't plant more flowers without cutting through the stuff.   I know you can't tell in the picture above, but this flower bed is huge and while there are lovely plants already in the garden, I am in the process of adding to them to make a more English garden feel.  I will be posting some better photos when I get this thing worked out.   The garden has a good start but there are too many empty spaces.   The flowers above are something I planted last weekend and I was thrilled to see they are already starting to bloom.   I also planted some lily bulbs.   I am hoping they take because halfway through I realized I planted them upside down.  Bulbs are new to me.  I planted only tulips in the past, my favorite flower.   The problem with tulips in North Texas is that you don't get a cold enough winter for long enough to actually grow them without giving them an artificial winter.   As much as I want to plant a ton of tulips in my flower beds, I also realize that I have no desire to dig them up every fall and put them in the fridge for weeks on end.  

For Valentines Day my husband bought me rose bushes.   I laughed that, with him love comes with work, but instead of getting roses for a few days, I will have them for the rest of my life.  You can see just one of the 5 bushes I planted a few weeks ago.  

I am excited for spring and the rebirth of nature.   I have come to realize with everything going on in my work life lately (more on that some other time, it is depressing), that finding your happiness is about the place you feel most at home.   For me, it is my old, sprawling, 1970 ranch house in the country with a yard full of chickens and dogs and flowers surrounding me.  Peace comes with finding shelter from the storm that brews from things you can't control.   There are a lot of things that I can't control and a few things that I can.  Staying positive is my main priority right now.  Being surrounded by so much beauty in my home centers me.

So where is your happy place?   Where do you escape to when life throws you curve ball after curve ball?   Do you have any 'favorite' things I blog about?  What would you like to read more about?  Chickens, DIY, Crafts, recipes, gardening, being a step parent?   Give me a shout out and tell me what you are most interested in.

In the beginning: The start of the start, the good, the bad, and the nasty

Just in time for Valentine's Day, a love story.   Okay, truth be told, when I was single, I hated these things.  I hated Valentine's Day too.  It seemed to me like it was just a reminder that I was a failure in the relationship department.   To be honest, now that I am married, I realize so much more about why I am better for having been single forever. Not to mention, if my husband and I had met in our 20's we would not have fallen in love with one another.  We just wouldn't have.  He was not my 20-something self's cup of tea. So before I give you all the  beautiful, wonderful, amazing,  totally mushy details of my love story, let me start with the ugly truth.


Background:

My love life, when I met my husband was on life support.  Actually, to say that I even cared would be giving way too much credit to the place I was mentally at the time we met.   I had given up on love.

You see, I had just come out of a terrible experience.  I won't call it a relationship because what it actually was is a toxic friendship trying to be a relationship.   I met the guy before my husband on Twitter.   I know, I know, don't date guys you meet on Twitter. (I met my husband on Twitter too so I didn't learn!).   The guy before, GB for short, was everything I thought I wanted and nothing I needed.  He was a huge Rangers fan, sort of technically inclined, had a smart a@@ sense of humor, which I find attractive for some stupid reason, and best of all he liked me.   I wasn't very fond of myself at the time so it seemed like a perfect situation.  He and I didn't meet until we had been communicating for months and months and months.   We finally met at a baseball game and I was smitten.  It helped that he seemed to like me because this made it much easier to make excuses for his bad behavior.  There was a LOT of bad behavior.

We will start with the fact that after he and I had been together a few times, he finally confessed, admitted,  told me the truth,  that he may not actually be divorced.  This admission only came after I actually asked, by the way.   Not divorced when all over the internet he was saying his "ex-wife"?  This completely confused me.  Apparently, he didn't know if he was or wasn't.....divorced.   Um, okay.   Somehow, I made excuses for that.  I should have run.  I would have run if I had more self confidence but...I didn't.  Then came the night he got mad at me in a bar and left me without saying goodbye because "I was ignoring him". (I had come with my friend Trish so at LEAST he didn't leave me stranded!)  Next came the fact that he stood me up, not once, but twice, at the ballpark.  Once when I had a free ticket for him (his B-day present) and once when he asked to be invited to a tailgate and then didn't show up. He was at the tailgate game, he just couldn't be bothered to come say hi.   At this point, I was pretty much done.   I barely talked to him on Twitter and was so confused about how a man who stood in my house complaining about his wife/ex-wife and how she was begging him to get back together with him...but he didn't want to and was afraid to tell her.... but when he saw himself married in the future, he saw himself married to me, (yes, I fell for that line of BS) could treat me like last nights left overs.   Oh but that wasn't the end.   Next came him sending me messages asking to meet up with my friends and myself to mountain bike together.   I wasn't rushing in to that because I figured, he had played me pretty well at that point and I wasn't really too trusting.  Good choice.   Eventually he got kind of quiet and wasn't sending me text message and there was a good reason.  It seems, he 'accidentally' got someone else pregnant.

I was crushed.  I cried.  I died a little. I lost all trust of men.  I lost all faith in love and relationships.  I lost all faith in myself to know a good man when I saw one. I became depressed.  I wanted to die.  I wanted to stop feeling. I went to a therapist.  I put my friends through hell.  I would burst into tears for nothing, I complained, I was self involved, I wasn't a very good friend because I was so wrapped up in my broken heart.  I shut down for basically 8 months...right up until the moment the kid was born.  When the baby came I sent GB a message congratulating him.  (We were still friends on Facebook and Twitter at that time and I was trying to be nice)  He sent me a message back telling me how afraid he was and how this isn't what he wanted but he was trying to do the right thing and blah, blah, blah.  I just didn't care.

My Hubs:

While all of that was going on with me, my husband was ending a very complicated 19 year relationship and marriage.   Complicated doesn't even begin to explain it.  His now ex had asked him for a divorce a year and a half before, they tried counseling, they failed.   They had agreed to file for divorce but due to his ex-wife's medical issues, they agreed to wait until she was released from the hospital.   To say they didn't like each other by that point, would be the understatement of the century.  He was actually dealing with a ton of guilt for leaving a disabled wife even though she is the one who wanted the divorce. He was also worried about his child.  He needed a friend.

The meeting:

I met my future husband, J, on Aug. 8, 2013.  We had talked on the phone for about a week before we met.  We had tweeted back and forth with some other friends for a few weeks prior to that.   My birthday was August 5th and when I met my mom for lunch that day she asked me if there was anyone new in my life.   My exact response to her was "There is this guy who I am talking to but he is just now divorcing so he is just a friend. He is funny but  I don't need that complication."   Famous. Last. Words.  

Our first meeting was lunch at Chik-fil-a.   You know that whole "Have your marriage at the first place you met" thing?  Yep, my marriage would have been full of cows and chicken mini's.   We talked, We laughed, We made goo-goo eyes at the adorable baby sitting next to us.  I liked him.  He made me smile.  I hadn't smiled in months.  He had a good heart.  He was kind.  He was honest and told me exactly everything that was going on in his life.  He was funny in that...He is so goofy you can't help but laugh at him sort of way.  (No really! He has this litany of stupid jokes he tells everyone about 5 minutes after meeting them and he won't stop no matter how much I beg him!)  He wasn't what I wanted.  I didn't want a hunter, gun owner, fisherman.  That was exactly my brother.  He was a Cowboys fan not a Rangers fan.  I mean, that is insane.  I had season tickets for crying out loud...to the Texas Rangers.   He wasn't at all right for me. Right? Maybe not. He was kind of cute and sweet.  He held my door.  He was almost a gentleman.

And then I freaked out.  He called me that night or the next, I don't remember, and told me we really need to be friends.  I told him fine because I wasn't over GB.  This annoyed him.  I was already annoyed because I felt like he was ditching me and I didn't even want a relationship with him...because he wasn't divorced yet.

The next day he called and asked me to meet him for dinner, to talk, at a biker bar.   How charming he is.  I did.  From that point on, we kind of just clicked.   We became friends.  Then he took me to see his recreational land.  It was hot, dirty, and while he was talking about how much he loved that place and how he didn't want to lose it in his divorce, I was thinking to myself, "Oh my GOD, I could fall for this guy.  He reminds me of my grandfathers".   He says that is when I fell in love with him.  I tell him it is more like when I realized I had a mad crush on him.  After that, we were just there for each other.   Okay, he was going through way more than I was but he did things for me on the rare occasion when we got a chance to see each other....(NO! I don't mean those kind of things.)  I mean he fixed things at my house.   If cooking is the way to a man's heart then fixing things is a really good start on hooking a woman!

Friends, Divorce, and Family:

Because I had put my friends through so much with GB, I decided to not share with them the things going on with J and myself.   This turned out to be a mistake with some of them.   See, I was on thin ice with them relationship wise because they pretty much hated that I let GB walk all over me, they hated GB for pulling the crap he did, and they lost all faith in my ability to make any decisions where men were concerned.   To them, there was very little difference between GB and J.

In the meantime, J and I were going through some craziness.  You think dating is hard?  Date someone who is going through a divorce and custody fight.  At different points in our getting-to-know each other, I was sure his ex was actually going to murder him.  I didn't have any guilt in our relationship because I knew that I had nothing to do with his marriage breaking up and because that marriage seemed pretty darn toxic, to me. People grow apart. It happens.

And then, when the divorce was almost final, he needed a place to stay.   I offered my house.   Yep, there is nothing about moving slow that I ever actually believed in.   When I told my friends our plan, three of them let me know in very clear terms they did not approve.   Two were diplomatic about it.  One told me I was going to hell for, well for a lot of things: Dating a married man, not waiting until the divorce was final, living with someone.  I don't really know what all I am going to hell for, exactly.  The way to get me to see your point  is not to start telling me that you know God is sending me to hell.  I didn't take that well.  I said a BUNCH of nasty things and then told this friend we were not friends anymore.   The thing is, in the process, I lost the other two friends too.   I cried, a lot.  I beat myself up for everything, even though deep down, I felt like my friends were wrong for casting judgement on J, who they had never met,  wrong for trying to make me choose between J and them and just plain wrong about our relationship, which they didn't know much about. I loved these people and I felt betrayed.  (I still love them, I don't feel betrayed anymore, I just try not to feel anything where they are concerned. The hurt is still there but it is what it is.  The friendships were never repaired.)

Next came meeting the families and the friends who stood by me.   Mom loved J.   My friend Trish and her (now) husband loved him. My brother and sister-in-law loved him.  My nephews and nieces loved him.  My friend Alaina loved him. My friend Jan loved him.  Actually, almost everyone who knows J, loves his grumpy, silly, goofy self.   I met his daughter on Thanksgiving.  My step-daughter was the big challenge for me.  He had it in his head that she had to like me or we had to break up.  No pressure there.  Luckily for me, my step-daughter loved me from the start and after knowing me a month, she started asking when her dad and I were getting married.  LOL!  He had been divorce about 2 months and we hadn't even told her we were dating.   She is a smart cookie.

(Next week....the proposal, AW!)


Question:
How did you meet your boyfriend, best friend, or spouse?   Was it totally romantic or like me, just a total fluke?

Thankful Thursday:

Note: This blog was posted in December 2014, not January 2015

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I decided to dedicate my Thursday blog to being Thankful. (If you are reading this early it's because I am testing this platform)   This is something I have wanted to concentrate on for a long time in an effort to enjoy the gifts I have and be more positive focused. I am testing this until the New Year so don't get excited about the simple link and button.  The day and title may change for 2015 but I am focusing on making 2015 a year of positive energy!  Also, if you are interested in co-hosting the blog hop, let me know.  

Alright so what are the rules (for now?) Choose 5 things you are thankful for this week and link up! That's it.  

So without further ado, here is what I am THANKFUL for: 

-My husband is the hardest worker I have ever seen and he simply never questions anything that needs done, he just does it.  If there is dirty laundry after a weekend in the country, I can't even get to it before him if I try.   He says he "never stops" and that is true.  

-Hubby makes the coffee every morning.  God I love him for this more than he knows! 

-My friends are trying to organize a once a month girls night.  When I got married and moved across town, it became much more difficult to spend time with the girls so having a set date is going to be really helpful! 

-My dog door.  

We lived without the dog door for two months in the new house and besides having to clean 'accidents' on a daily basis,  the constant in and out was super annoying. The dogs are getting use to the door and I am thrilled to have it! 

-Hemi engines:

When I got my new Ram, I had no idea how I was going to fall in love with this machine.  The Hemi just rocks.  You have all this power and get up and go!  Thank you Dodge!  Thank you for making an awesome truck.   

Ok, that's my spin this week.  If you have stuff you are thankful for, link up below and help me share in your happiness! 

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Enjoy the Ride! Simply, Laura

Advice to my 20 year old self on Life, Love, Baseball and the Pursuit of Happiness!

There comes a point in middle age (otherwise known as your late 30's and early 40's) where you think to yourself, man did I really waste my 20's worrying about that crap?  Why!?!? So here is my advice to me...because who else would I be qualified to advise? 

-Go to more concerts and eat less ice cream.  You won't regret it. 

-Stop trying to "find" the one.  He isn't going to show up until he is suppose to and that is in God's time so get off the dating sights and have fun with friends. 

-Never make excuses for men.  When you meet your best friend, you will know and you will marry him.  Until that time,  the toads are just a learning experience. Don't cry over them, pity them.  They let the best thing in the world walk away. You! 

-Buy the shoes.  

-Pay the bills before you buy the shoes because that good credit really does matter. 

-Don't waste your time on people who take and never give.  Those people make terrible friends and in the end, they aren't the ones that are there for you.  

-Don't forget the friends who are and always have been there for you.  Those are the friends that are gold and won't ever leave. 

-God, Family, and Rangers baseball in that order. 

-Date rednecks because they make the best husbands. 

-"God is great, beer is good, people are crazy!"

-Stop judging yourself.  

-Have fun and be silly and for the love of all things good, don't take yourself so seriously! 

-Think less and spend more time outside! 

-Never give up on the Rangers because someday they actually are going to make it to the World Series! 

Wedding Recap: Finding my Perfect Happiness

What can I say about our wedding?  It was perfect.  It was so much fun.   It was a beautiful day.

I was surrounded by amazing family!

Our wonderful wedding party. 

We had such a good time playing and being silly.

Everything turned out just lovely!

I don't know what I dreamed in the past but I can't imagine a more perfect wedding.  It was simply wonderful, fun, and very us.

*Most photos courtesy of  Lori Carr Photography

Taking back control plus Weekend Wrap Up!

Sometimes you just have to laugh at the people who try so hard to meddle in your business. I use to get angry when someone who should know better, an adult, would try so hard to make my life miserable. I wish I could say this was years ago but it was weeks. Suddenly I realized, after a few pep talks from my friends (thank you Sonja and Dawn!) that I was giving up my power by letting someone effect me. I took my power back. Now when someone asks questions that aren't any of their business, I laugh. See, here is the thing. Some people have decided my life is much more entertaining than it is and filled with scandal that doesn't exist.





So I gave up all of that and laugh and by God's grace I know that I can do anything! I can love someone who hates me. I can defend someone who hurt me. I can forgive someone who wants to destroy what I have.





I am not perfect and God doesn't expect me to be. He rarely called the perfect, as you can see, he just equips the rest of us. What I realized is, I can't control anyone's misconception of me. I can control how I react to their behavior. God has given me enough wisdom to pray through it and pray for the people who would bring me down.

Now on to my weekend! Just a few pictures from our Valentine's weekend camping!






































I could very easily give up everything and live here. We work hard but we sleep well, tired and somehow work doesn't seem much like work when you are outside under a beautiful sun and in nature enjoying what God created and you get to spend it with people you love.

I am so grateful to have a very special group of people I love so very much and I realized this weekend, God has given me everything I ever wanted. I am not going to waste the gifts. I am simply going to make sure they know how important they are to me, every day of the year, every chance I get. Oh, and honey if you are reading this, I am going to work on that PMS thing! XO

One final thing:







Spring Training has started and Rangers pitchers and catchers have reported!!! It's my favorite time of the year: Baseball Season!



Simply,
Laura
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Enjoy the Ride!

Simply,
Laura

What I am loving: God, Baseball, and the New York Yankees?

Time to Link up with Jamie for What I'm Loving Wednesday!!!
It's been a while since I have linked up on Wednesday.  It's been a while since I have blogged on Wednesday!  I am massively busy!!

Being busy is good but I am so busy at work that basically this is what I look like half the time. 

Which leaves me stressed and feeling like everything is out of control a lot of the time so what I am most thankful for right now are a few things that I take for granted in the normal times.

-I love my morning commutes where I have time to pray. 
It is my quiet time with God.  I can play some nice music in the background and just talk and chat and spend the first part of the day with God and that seems so important in starting my day off right.  When I have missed this time for some reason I have noticed my day does not run as smoothly.  When I have this time, my troubles are never as large.  This is part of the reason I stopped listening to Sports chat in mornings.  It was making me crazy.

-I am loving spending time with my friends.  I may not get to spend a lot of time with all of them but the moments I have gotten to spend lately with a few of them have been precious.

-I love that Ranger fans were having none of the 'Texas Yankee' fans trying to out chant them at the Ballpark last night.   We had a particulary interesting 'Texas Yankee' fan infront of us who who is the perfect example of what I mean when I say "Texas Yankee" fans.   They have no ties to New York.  They pull for the Yankees because they are front funners, they like a player or they like the jersey or hat. They tend to also be fans of the Lakers and Cowboys. I am a partial season ticket holder which means the seats I have I sit in most of the time.  A lot of the people around me are the same game after game.  This man, his wife and son are there often.  I specifically recall that one of the games earlier in the season this "Yankee" fan showed up wearing a Boston Red Sox Jersey and cheering the Sox on.  Now I have some real Yankee fan friends and I have some real Red Sox fan friend who I respect and would never begrudge their right to love and cheer for their teams and  while they may love each other they do not love each other's baseball teams or cheer for them. Not the Yankees and Sox fans  That is just not done.  Ever! 

Elias Sports Bureau via ESPN.COM

-I love Joe Nathan and Leyons Martin and the reaction to the terrible home plate umpire calls last night during and after the game.  Bad calls are a part of baseball and sometimes they go your way and sometimes they don't but the fire and passion they showed make me confident that they may have lost he game but this team has fight and fire so I am not so worried about the war.

-I love that I have made it 3 days through of this smoothie metabolism restart diet and only have 2 more days to go before I get to add in a real meal.  I know this sounds crazy but I miss real food.  I have been drinking my meals for 3 days now and I miss chewing.  I want a dry chicken breast and plain broccoli like you would not believe.  :)

Lately I am constantly reminding myself two things.  The first is that God is bigger than my problems.  This brings peace.  Nothing is too big.  There are no limits.  God can make anything happen.

 The second is to be here now.  I can't fix the past and I can't control the future I can only live for today because that is all I have.   Since I started to focus on now, I have found that I am happy.  Happy is a good place to be. 


Simply,
Laura
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Mobile Monday: The Independence Holiday Edition

Wednesday

Why is my hair a different color in these?

So long....it started with selfies! Neither of which actually look like me.


Thursday

We the People...

BASEBALL!



Monica's bird Kappy and she let me pet her!



Monica and me at the ballpark on the 4th



Monica, me, Jan and Trish


After seeing this picture and cropping it incredibly I decided there won't be any pictures of me until I feel comfortable with myself. It's a self preservation measure. I am not weighing and I am not taking pictures. I am however eating right (Oatmeal for breakfast-yuck) and working out again because I am getting stronger day by day.

Oh no!

Not mine but someone at the Ballpark was liberated of their iPhone. I think they tried to rescue it with TP. It didn't work.

Hello Win Column!

Our view for the win! Love my boys winning for God, Country and Texas! Something like that.

oooh!

And fireworks!

ahhh!

But wait there was more baseball & fireworks!

Friday:

HoHo

And Santa Claus!

Murph

Homerun!

Anything you can do I can do better-Nelly

Grand slam

Beltre wants in on this!

Lots of runs!

Ballgame!

And a win!

pretty

Fireworks Friday

Oh!

And a lot more fireworks!

I have some reading to do....

Saturday and Sunday I spent time cleaning and reading. I started my 40-day prayer challenge and God sent me a prayer partner out of the blue. A friend called me Sunday and said "hey, I want to do this with you. We can meet and talk about this every week if you are game?" Wow, I am so speechless how God is working in my life right now. I am just going to sit back and let Him do His thing for a change because mine clearly doesn't work.







Simply,
Laura
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone