Changes, rebirth, and retooling

A lot is going on in my life right now, not the least of which is that I am working on retooling this blog and simplifying my message and find a clear direction.   My platform may change, I haven't decided yet.  I am working on a redesign, something I have never been completely satisfied with, through the years.  I want to make navigation easier as well.  I am also intent on improving my picture quality. I am going to invest in a great camera soon but until that happens, I will be using my digital camera starting Monday.  It is a point and shoot so don't get too excited. 

 I also have my personal laptop fixed and ready to go.  Up until now, I have posted mostly from my phone.  Getting my laptop clean took several days at Geek Squad since, even though I don't use it, the thing had almost 3000 different malware and virus' on it.   How does that happen when it is never hooked up to the internet anyway?  (Yes, I had virus protection it and it didn't work, so I changed to a new program.)   With that in mind, I ask that you stick with me a little longer and I will have a great new layout and plan ready soon.    I am putting an extra lot of thought into this so that I finally get it right.   

In the meantime, I thought I would share with you a little bit about what I have been working on the last few weeks that I haven't blogged.   First is the desk from hell.   I have never worked so hard at prepping a piece of furniture in my life.   That includes the antique dresser I had to basically rebuild drawers on last summer.   This piece will finally be ready for refinishing this weekend and there is a chair that I am going to paint to match and recover with fabric for my almost teen.   I can't wait to share with you the finished piece.   

I have been sick for the last two weeks and been on antibiotics and steroids.  In fact, 2 weeks ago, I was in the ER trying to get better. It hasn't worked.  This delayed my work on the desk more than once not to mention that I was too sick to work on the blog.  I apologize to everyone who missed me.  Did anyone miss me?

My chickens are going to be a big part of the remodeled blog.  I wanted to share this picture I took last night.  This is what happens every single time I walk out the door.   They come running up to me in anticipation.   Yesterday morning I gave them some grapes and if you have never seen chickens with grapes, well just suffice it to say, chicken football is better than the puppy bowl! 

I have also been working on the yard and spring is finally showing it's beautiful face in North Texas.  Finding plants my chickens won't eat is a challenge.   Luckily, I have managed to salvage a few from their hungry little beaks.  

Last year we planted fruit trees in the front and back.  The peach, pear, and plum trees are in bloom and while they won't bear any fruit for another year or two, they are making the yard simply beautiful.

I love just looking at the blossoms and enjoying the beauty of nature.   Finding happiness in the simple things in life is my major goal right now and a big part of my future.  (Hint, hing!) 

My bulbs are starting to bloom as well.   I can't take all the credit for the plants in my front yard as the previous owner did a really good job starting the yard off.  I am adding roses and more chicken friendly bulbs and plants.   This is a huge challenge and something I will share more about in future blogs.  

I am also in the process of removing a lot of weed barrier in the front flower beds.   The weed barrier probably seemed like a good idea to the previous owner but two things about it make them have to go.

First and most importantly is that it does nothing to stop the weeds from growing.  In fact, last year I spent a good amount of time trying to kill the weeds that simply planted themselves on top of the weed barrier and grew down.    Second and almost as irritating is that I can't plant more flowers without cutting through the stuff.   I know you can't tell in the picture above, but this flower bed is huge and while there are lovely plants already in the garden, I am in the process of adding to them to make a more English garden feel.  I will be posting some better photos when I get this thing worked out.   The garden has a good start but there are too many empty spaces.   The flowers above are something I planted last weekend and I was thrilled to see they are already starting to bloom.   I also planted some lily bulbs.   I am hoping they take because halfway through I realized I planted them upside down.  Bulbs are new to me.  I planted only tulips in the past, my favorite flower.   The problem with tulips in North Texas is that you don't get a cold enough winter for long enough to actually grow them without giving them an artificial winter.   As much as I want to plant a ton of tulips in my flower beds, I also realize that I have no desire to dig them up every fall and put them in the fridge for weeks on end.  

For Valentines Day my husband bought me rose bushes.   I laughed that, with him love comes with work, but instead of getting roses for a few days, I will have them for the rest of my life.  You can see just one of the 5 bushes I planted a few weeks ago.  

I am excited for spring and the rebirth of nature.   I have come to realize with everything going on in my work life lately (more on that some other time, it is depressing), that finding your happiness is about the place you feel most at home.   For me, it is my old, sprawling, 1970 ranch house in the country with a yard full of chickens and dogs and flowers surrounding me.  Peace comes with finding shelter from the storm that brews from things you can't control.   There are a lot of things that I can't control and a few things that I can.  Staying positive is my main priority right now.  Being surrounded by so much beauty in my home centers me.

So where is your happy place?   Where do you escape to when life throws you curve ball after curve ball?   Do you have any 'favorite' things I blog about?  What would you like to read more about?  Chickens, DIY, Crafts, recipes, gardening, being a step parent?   Give me a shout out and tell me what you are most interested in.

Step Mom Diaries: Open letter to Teens today

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Dear Teenager:

You are living in a time when being a teen is harder possibly than any time in history so I am writing this because there are things you need to understand about life.  I know you think you already know everything but the hard truth is, you don't know much of anything about real life and you won't for another 10-15 years.  Sadly, the choices you make today, will effect everything you do for the rest of your life so here are some realities you need to understand.
  

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First stop trying to be someone you aren't.  The only person you have to be true to is you and if you let yourself down,  you will regret it for years to come.  Don't let friends pressure you into becoming someone you don't know.

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Stop thinking you have all the answers.  You may be the smartest kid in school but you still know next to nothing about life.   Your parents are providing everything for you and they love you with everything they have.  Real life gives you nothing.  NOTHING and nobody owes you ANYTHING!  You make your own way and you do it with what you learn along the way so listen up! 

You will make mistakes, learn from them, don't repeat them, and forgive yourself.   Nobody goes through life with a perfect life and nobody goes through life without screwing up.  The greatest lessons you will have are the times you fell and picked yourself back up.  

The friends you have today probably won't be friends you keep so stop trying to impress them.    People move in and out of your life and you learn who to trust as you go along.   Real friends don't leave. Real friends are not jealous.  Real friends lift  you up not tear you down.  Real friends have your back.  Real friends love you even when you aren't lovable.  Real friends don't judge.  Real friends never let time or distance ruin a friendship.  They are there when you call and they will come and get you wherever you are.

 Fake friends never last.  This is something that you will learn over and over in life.  You will have people that come into your life for a reason and people who come into your life for a season.  Never mistake those who have something to offer for those who are just filling space.  The space fillers will be many.  Most of the time, they won't really offer anything of lasting worth to your life so move on before they destroy you.  Some people will steal your energy and your soul if you let them so DON'T let them!

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Stop trying to grow up so fast and enjoy being a kid.   There is plenty of time for boys/girls and heartbreak. Almost nobody meets their soulmate in school so stop looking for them.   Don't settle for anyone who doesn't deserve you and don't give yourself to someone who doesn't know who they are or why they are with you.   You are special. God only made one you.  Be true to yourself and cherish your mind AND body.  You don't get a second chance at first times.   Don't regret someone later that you can walk away from now.

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Have faith in something outside yourself.  Believe it or not, you are not the only person in the world who has it tough.  The only thing that is going to save you is faith.  Faith in God, by whatever name you choose to call Him will get you through the tough times.   You are unique and special but you aren't going through anything today that won't get better tomorrow.  You aren't going through anything that others haven't survived.  You just aren't that different from everyone else walking around doing they best they can to survive.  Just survive, somehow, with faith! 

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Your words matter.  Tell the truth and know that as you grow up the only thing that truly matters is your integrity.   If something feels wrong don't do it and never lie if you did.   Lies only create bigger messes.  Lies only make your life worse.  Lies,  big or little,  make you lose trust. Once you have lost someone's trust it is much harder to gain it back.  Don't lie and you don't lose trust.  Lie, big or little and you may spend years making it up to people.   As you grow you will realize that truth is the one thing you always bring to the table.  People may not always like the truth but they have to accept it, sooner or later.

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Study hard, grades matter.   You will never know how important it is to work hard in school until you try to get a job without an education.   Nobody wants to wait tables or work outside in the heat but people do because they didn't apply themselves when they could.  Most of them would go back and change that, if they could.  Everything you do now in school should be focused on what you want to be when you are older.  Not necessarily the career because you may not know that, but the person you want to be.  Everything you do now can effect the college you get in to, the friends you meet later, the love you find later.  Everything matters.   Be the best you today that you can be so that tomorrow you will reap the rewards or learn to like taking out trash and know that janitors don't get paid well.

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School isn't real.   Nothing that goes on in Junior and Senior High School is what life is about unless you make a mistake along the way that effects your entire life.   You have one shot to do the right thing before it is too late.  Make wise decisions.  Stop worrying about what other people will say and start worrying about the consequences of what you DO.  If the consequences are negative, do not do it.  Sex leads to babies.  Drugs lead to addiction.  Not working hard leads to a hard life.  Make wise decisions so you are not paying for them for the rest of your life.

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Think before you speak.   The words that come out of your mouth can not only get you into trouble but they can hurt other people.   WORDS MATTER.  Mean what you say, say what you mean, and think before you open your mouth.  Use your words wisely and choose them well.  Don't say things to hurt or threaten other people because you become lesser by stooping to a lower level.  Don't use words that are profane or crude because it makes you look ignorant.  Don't be disrespectful in your speech because you wouldn't like it if someone was being disrespectful to you.  Say things that you want to hear others say to you.  Most importantly, if you are angry and going to say something stupid, walk the heck away.  You will never regret walking away but you will regret saying the wrong thing and hurting someone.

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Trust and respect your parents.   They are doing the best they can.  Believe it or not, you didn't come with an instruction book.   If you are in trouble you should be relying on Mom and Dad to help you find answers.  I am not promising they aren't going to be mad at things you do wrong, they will.  If you do something really stupid your parents are probably going to be really mad.  Learning to accept your groundings, loss of phones, TV's and fun times gracefully is one of the toughest lessons in life.  Your parents are not doing it to be mean.  Life has consequences and your parents didn't cause the consequence, you did by your actions.  Remember, Your parents want the best for you and they have already lived through all the feelings that are eating you up from the inside out.   You may not understand this today but you will someday, they are pretty smart.  Give them a chance to show you.  If they say "No" you should respect them and understand they have a reason for saying that you can't do something.  If they say "Yes" you should appreciate the sacrifices they make to give you the things you need and want.  Never, for the rest of your life, will anyone love you the way your parents love you.  Never, for the rest of your life, will anyone sacrifice so much for your happiness.  Never, for the rest of your life, will any people work so hard at showing you the right ways in life.   Your parents will make mistakes.  Love them anyway because they love you.

Baseball Talk: Fandom is hard but baseball teaches you life lessons

Being a fan is hard:

Monday night on the way home from work, at the moment my beloved Texas Rangers were getting killed by the Toronto Blue Jays, a thought occurred to me.   My life would be so much simpler if I just wasn't a Rangers fan.   It's true.   The pain I have suffered as a Rangers fan over the years hurts my heart not to mention my head.   The memories of 2011 will never be erased and until/unless the Rangers make it back to the World Series and win.  That series will forever sit in the back of my mind as:  The one that should have been.  The lost chance.   The most heartbreaking moment of my sports life.  Being a sports fan isn't easy.  In fact, being a sports fan is hard work.  It hurts and it takes resolve.   It sounds silly but it is true.  You have to want to keep up with your team or you will be hopelessly left behind.  You have to work at staying positive or the baseball blues can take over. That's where I was Monday.  Baseball blues.

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Then last night as I watch my first baseball team, the Chicago Cubs, clinch an NLCS shot, I jumped up from my couch, yelled "Yes!" at the top of my lungs, and started to cry.   Not sad tears but the happy tears of a fan who remembers the chances that slipped by in the past for the Cubs.   Just for a moment, I was that 7 year old little girl watching the Cubs on a Saturday afternoon in 1977 when they were hopelessly out of it and the Fighting Irish were on TV.  Everyone else was watching ND in the living room but not me.  Just for a moment I was back in my grandfather's bedroom in front of the little black and white TV with rabbit ears trying to get WGN to come in and listen to Jack Brickhouse hoping for a "Hey! Hey!".   Just for a moment, all the years and all the tears were worth it.

Double Earrings 

So this morning I got up and had renewed hope.  I donned my favorite Texas Rangers T-Shirt, doubled up on my Rangers earrings, added my other Rangers necklace (the last one lost it's luck recently),  added a couple Alex and Ani Rangers bracelets and I put on my lucky Rangers red shoes to cover up my blue and red toes and grabbed my Texas Rangers handbag. Dressing like a fan takes planning.  It is serious business!   I am only superstitious about sports.  I wasn't taking any chances.   I was as ready as I could get and now it was up to the team.

And leaving it up to the team is the problem.  You have to trust that your team is as prepared as they can get.  You have to know that mentally, they are going out there and giving it 100%.  You have to be prepared to watch the game unfold and hope the baseball gods have mercy on you that day.  You have to be willing to give yourself over to heartache.   You have to realize, even as much as you want them to win, you can't make them win.   You have to recognize that even with the possibility of a loss, your team has played like nobody expected them to play and done things that nobody thought they would do.

The Cole Hamels trade was suppose to be for 2016, right?   They were preparing for a starting staff of Hamels and a healthy Yu Darvish and Derek Holland for the first time in 2 years, right?  This team was hopelessly out of the race when the trade was made in July.   Everyone knew that they were done.  Everyone except them, Jeff Bannister and Jon Daniels.   You have to believe in your team. You have to go into the game with the thought:  This is the day Hamels pitches his best game of 2015.  This is the day Josh Hamilton sees the ball like he did in 2010.  This is the day that Prince Fielder breaks out of his slump.   This is the day that Elvis Andrus and Rougie Odor play flawless defense.   This is the day that Adrian Beltre hits a one leg kneeling, moon shot.  It may not be but  you have to believe.

Baseball is like life:

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Sometimes, with baseball, as in life, you have to risk the heartache in order to reap the glory.   Nobody ever finds love without risk.  Nobody ever makes a fortune without taking a chance.  Nobody ever gets the celebration without work.   There is so much about being a fan of a baseball team that reflects back on life.   There is pain, heartache, and disappointment.   There is joy, excitement, and triumph.   You open your heart when you love a team the same way you open your heart when you love a person.  It isn't the same love and it shouldn't be.  Baseball is important but if the Rangers win or if they lose, the sun comes up the next day.   If something happened to my husband, kids or mom, the sun wouldn't come up.  The day would be bleak.  Life would be without joy.   That is how it should be.  

But Baseball....is romance.  

Baseball is love.

Baseball is life.   

No really, the most important things in life, I learned from baseball.  

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*Whenever I expect a fastball, I get a curve.  That is life.  It is always throwing you what you aren't looking for.   But sometimes, the ball it throws is just the right ball to hit out of the park and that is when you have to swing with all your might and take your base.

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*Sometimes you have to throw balls back because they aren't for you.   It is possible to catch something meant for someone else.  Get rid of that ball as quick as you can so you are ready for your pitch.

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Never, ever quit.  That is the theme of the 2015 Texas Rangers.  It would have been easy to just cash in this season.  Yu Darvish's the Rangers Ace pitcher, had season ending surgery in spring training.   Derek Holland, their second best pitcher and Opening Day starter, left after an inning or two on Opening Day and wasn't really seen again until August.  Not the time to start pitching again but that is what happened.   Josh Hamilton has been in and out of the game all season, even before he was traded back to the Rangers.   Jurickson Profar hasn't been seen since...well, I don't know when Profar was last seen and his replacement, Rougie Odor wasn't exactly playing well when the season started.   They could have quit.  They easily could have quit.  They didn't.  They have never, ever quit all season.   You can't quit life either until the final strike is thrown.  Never give up because the next pitch could be the one you hit out of the ballpark.  

Happy Wednesday and GO RANGERS!!!

Behind Closed Doors

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You never really know what is going on in the lives of people, behind closed doors.  I want to introduce you to a few people, just to prove my point.  You may like some, you may not like others, but I think you will understand my point.  Yes, I know these people.  Yes, some of the facts have been changed to protect the innocent people involved. 

Meet David:

He is a youth minister at church.  He can quote scripture chapter and verse.  He was raised in a God fearing home and loves Jesus. He is the perfect dotting dad to his little girl.  He has the typical divorced dad guilt.  On the outside David is the most together person you have ever met. He is talented, funny, smart.    Inside, David is falling apart.  David is afraid, angry, and broken.  David feels worthless and randomly rages against anyone or anything that makes him unhappy and everything makes David unhappy.  David thinks the whole world is against him, even God.  David goes through serious stages of depression.  When he is in love, he falls for the wrong person.  He picks based on the stuff that doesn't really matter, the superficial because being with someone beautiful makes him feel better about himself.  When the relationship ultimately ends up where all relationships end up when you are basing it on something that isn't concrete, he spins out of control, rage, depression, anger.  The cycle continues.   Only his close friends know.  On the outside he is the happy, church going, loving dad.  On the inside he is unhappy, sad, and wishes he were dead or better yet, never born.

Meet Jessica:

Jessica is a middle aged mother.  She is your typical soccer mom.  She is divorced and dating.  She goes to all of her kids sporting events.  Jessica has all the team t-shirts and she cheers the loudest at the games.  She runs the kids to and from practices whenever she can.  She takes them shopping and spends her time on Facebook posting all the great "mommy and me" photos.  She is always the first to volunteer for the kids school functions.  She is a part time student and runs her own business.  Everyone thinks Jess is mother of the year.   She is great, happy, funny, and lively.  Behind closed doors, Jess has a little problem.  She likes nice things and she can't always afford them so sometimes, she takes them.  She takes them a lot actually. The list of things that she has done to keep up with the Joneses is long, shameful, and pathetic. She belongs in jail.  She doesn't think about what is going to happen one day when her kids find out that she has been arrested several times for shop lifting. She doesn't remember that there are public records of her misdeeds.   She forgets that memories are long and google pulls up her mug shots.  She uses her kids to get to her ex-husband and his wife.  She manipulates them into thinking other people are bad when those people only have the best intentions for the kids. She doesn't consider the fact that she is going to destroy her children with her lies which eventually will catch up with her.  Her kids aren't always going to be little and naive and think "mommy hung the moon".   Eventually, they will catch on to her, just like everyone else.  

Meet Sam: 

Sam is a busy business owner.  He is on the go!  Sam spends all his time on the golf course trying to grow his business.  Except that isn't really what he is doing.  He is playing golf.  Sam also spends a lot of time with his young, cute girlfriend.  The one he left his wife of 25 years to be with.  Sam is hip.  He is fun.  He is in to all the cool things.  Sam isn't an old fuddy duddy.  No, not Sam.  He hasn't forgotten how to have fun. He isn't having a mid-life crisis he is just showing the world how to stay young!  Behind closed doors however, what he has forgotten is that he has two kids who need him.  He has forgotten that his two kids feel abandoned by him.  Sam's ex-wife, the one he thinks is a nag and a pest, just wants him to be present in his kids life once in a while. Sam however, is so wrapped up in his life that he can't see how he is hurting his children.  That's okay though because Sam is having the time of his life and in 15 years when his kids don't want to be part of their dad's life, Sam will regret not spending a couple weekends a month getting to know his kids.  That is, if anyone knows where Sam is.  

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Sadly, all of these stories have one thing in common, kids.  Hopefully the kids involved will be able to get past the issues of their parents but I posted this for a couple of reasons.  First, was to show you never know what is really going on with people and what you see on the outside may not be what you get.  Second, I know that the kids involved in some of these stories have already suffered because of their parents issues.  If you know kids with messed up parents, be kind to the kids.  They didn't create the problems.  They are victims too.

Welcome to the Good Life

Blessed by Busy: 

For the last six months my life has become so busy that I have had a hard time finding moments of peace.  (Even to write which is my release and why I hardly blog right now). It's been a whirlwind of selling a house, planning a wedding, buying a house, unpacking, learning the ropes of wife, step-mom, home owner in a different part of town, getting ID's changed, names changed, just everything and then you add on the constant flux at work where my team has sustained hit after hit from either turnover or promotion.   Something had to give. 

What ended up giving was my sanity and my Jason Aldean concert.   Last weekend I was suppose to go see him in concert and I was looking forward to it. See, Florida Georgia Line is the second act and I was pretty excited.  Until the day came and suddenly I found myself at church instead of the concert.  Turns out I needed God this week.  I needed time in prayer and with God at His house. 

The week didn't get less crazy.  We ended up losing another employee and because of that, I had to send my husband out of town without me so I can work this weekend.   I am disappointed but I am trying not to worry.  Trying!   

Oh and I traded in my Jeep because simply put, it had to be done.   I decided I wanted a pickup this time.  Crazy as this sounds, I am totally in love with my truck!  I had driven my husbands a couple of times and realized that you sure can see better. 

So, I decided on Burnt Orange and although I have never named a vehicle before, this one is definitely "BEVO". 

I have been praying lately.  Praying for my friends who I don't see much because we got busy, married, and complicated lives all at the same time.  Praying for my family, of course. Praying for peace at work. Praying for Ebola victims and for friends I use to have who I lost contact with that they find the happiness they deserve. I even pray for my dogs, that they listen better and stop driving me crazy.  I love the little pains!  The funny thing about this praying is that I have realized it makes me feel better.  For a long time, I was sad about some things that happened in the past and some hurt I experienced when friendships or relationships ended.  Now, I pray for those people and it has given me peace. For a long time I worried about marrying and having kids and now, I thank God for the amazing life He made me wait for and the husband, child, and the house in the country where I can find peaceful moments to pray.  

How could you not be peaceful when this is your backyard, complete with a little red barn and the other homes are an acre away?  

What I found out, mostly is that in the middle of busy, when I am missing my friends, my down time, and my alone time, that I am surrounded by blessings like children who love me, family who needs me, and a couple of crazy dogs who think I hung the moon.   Life changes and it is up to me to change with it and make it a positive without worrying too much because in the end, God has this and today, everyday is the good life.  

SL

 

Advice to my 20 year old self on Life, Love, Baseball and the Pursuit of Happiness!

There comes a point in middle age (otherwise known as your late 30's and early 40's) where you think to yourself, man did I really waste my 20's worrying about that crap?  Why!?!? So here is my advice to me...because who else would I be qualified to advise? 

-Go to more concerts and eat less ice cream.  You won't regret it. 

-Stop trying to "find" the one.  He isn't going to show up until he is suppose to and that is in God's time so get off the dating sights and have fun with friends. 

-Never make excuses for men.  When you meet your best friend, you will know and you will marry him.  Until that time,  the toads are just a learning experience. Don't cry over them, pity them.  They let the best thing in the world walk away. You! 

-Buy the shoes.  

-Pay the bills before you buy the shoes because that good credit really does matter. 

-Don't waste your time on people who take and never give.  Those people make terrible friends and in the end, they aren't the ones that are there for you.  

-Don't forget the friends who are and always have been there for you.  Those are the friends that are gold and won't ever leave. 

-God, Family, and Rangers baseball in that order. 

-Date rednecks because they make the best husbands. 

-"God is great, beer is good, people are crazy!"

-Stop judging yourself.  

-Have fun and be silly and for the love of all things good, don't take yourself so seriously! 

-Think less and spend more time outside! 

-Never give up on the Rangers because someday they actually are going to make it to the World Series! 

Sometime Life throws a Curve:Losing Richard Durrett & Life

Last night Rangers Nation lost a one of the best reporters the team has and local media lost a friend but for a family the loss was profound a husband and father of two and a half. Richard Durrett left too soon at 38 and expecting his 3rd child but reading the love his fellow reporters/friends shared for him, the heartbreak of fans who interacted with him and knowing the pain of losing a parent I was reminded again that life is sometimes too short and God expects us all to take the chance every day to be our best and given the opportunity, do it with love. Richard apparently did this, to his credit.

I don't have any profound advice for life that hasn't been said before but I can support a few things that have:

Make amends if you can, if you can't make peace with your past before it eats you alive. Forgive others and forgive yourself.

Take a chance if love comes your way because it may not come twice, it may not show up the way you expect it or in a neat little box and believe me, no matter how many people think you are doing the wrong thing, if you think it is worth it, it is worth it.

Finally, God hears all of your prayers and answers them in His time and His way and while His way may not be the way you expect, it turns out to be just right. I know, because for years I was praying for the same thing and He answered that prayer by introducing me to my best friend and (later) his daughter ten months ago. He was nothing I was looking for and everything I needed. God is funny that way. He knows better.



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Being a Grown-up: It had to happen someday

Lately I have realized exactly what a strong and amazing woman I have become. I'm not tooting my own horn. Most of the credit goes to my mother who raised me after my father's death with the help and guidance of her parents, his, some great teachers and later the support of my step-father. Kudos to the small village it took to give me the solid values that made me responsible and only semi-goofy.

We all have baggage and we all face opportunities in life that determine our future. I have some major faults. In no particular order:

-I am too sensitive. For years I have been afraid to open myself to love because I thought people who I loved will leave me. My father did. Friends seemed to leave, lord knows guys always did....until now.

-Making bad choices to stay safe was the story of my life. I went to talk to a therapist in the spring of 2013 because I knew that I was subconsciously doing this to make myself impossible to love. She told me I wasn't crazy and the problem was only that I was too willing to accept lazy men.

-Procrastination:
Oh I can find 20 things I want to do more than anything I have to do but luckily I have a nag at home who pushes me to do the stuff that needs to get done. It drives me crazy but it is probably a good thing.

That's just a few faults but here are some of the strengths I have lately noticed in myself and I am very proud of these.

-I am not afraid to take responsibility for myself and others. Sometimes the responsibility is huge. Loving someone, sometimes comes with small packages that are a lifetime responsibility. I love these little responsibility and I am embracing the challenge. More, I am looking at the future and making sure that I think ahead to so we do what we can today to make sure and plan for the future.

-Being realistic. I thought for a long time I wanted to adopt but then I looked into the cost of not only adoption but the cost of college education for the future and realized that as much as I love kids, maybe I should just take care of the one that God has given me as a responsibility and help my brother with the six that are his. That seems like enough for one family. I'm not 33 with 35 years until I retire.

-Motivating and comforting people.
The truth is, in my line of business, I have to do it a lot. I am pretty good at it. I am the one people come to with their problems. I am also the problem solver. If there is a problem, people look to me to fix it.

When you grow up, you face big girl problems: Buying a house, selling a house, getting engaged, planning a wedding, being married, having a child, raising a child, paying for college, paying for the unexpected home repair, car repair, and then comes health problems, yours, your parents, your spouse, your child. How you handle these things, how you face these problems, and who you choose to surround yourself with and trust are all part of the growing up and being an adult. Find happy, positive and supportive people who will be there for you and love you through the tough times and who you can love through theirs. I just try to be the best version of me despite my faults and no matter how mad someone who is pushing my buttons may make me. The truth is, the only people that push my buttons anymore push them not because they attack me but because they hurt a child that is important to me. The rest, just don't matter.

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To Blog or Quit? Is this thing on?

Have you ever faced this question?

I started this blog for me as a place to share my thoughts for myself. At times it has kept me in touch with friends across the country. At times it as kept me sane. In the time I have had this blog I have made some amazing blog friends and I have lost some friends, in part because of my blog and theirs. Sometimes sharing isn't really caring, not as much as talking it out would have been. Finally, it just stops mattering. The blog has seen me through heart aches and now it is seeing me experience joy.

The blog could go with me to my most happy moments but I am just not sure. I am not the girl with a Wedding Wednesday (no that's not an announcement, yet) and there won't be a baby blog. I do think there is an opportunity there to share what it is like as a 40-something finding love and growing a family because I am not 20. We face way different challenges but, am I up to it? I just don't know.

So the question becomes why do I continue to blog and should I? I don't really know the answer right now. I don't even really know if anyone cares. It's a dilemma. I love my little blog but I just don't know anymore why I blog and if I wouldn't be better served turning my need to write to another formate.

Have any of you faced this question? How did you overcome it? What changed your mind?


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Confession of a Bad Sports Fan

Have you ever noticed how much your life can change over a years time? Last year I knew every pitcher and every player on the Texas Rangers. This year when I watch the game I often find myself saying 'Who's that?' and it isn't just because they have so many injured players. I have a confession. Sports are no longer the sole driving force in my life.

It's true. I have other things going on and sports has become so secondary that half the time I don't even make it to the end of the game before I fall asleep. Often I wake up in the middle of the night and check my phone to see of we won and lately, because we have been losing so much, I haven't even bothered.

It's not that I don't still love them. I do. Life however has a way of taking priority and the people in my life need me to be present in the moment and not watching TV or checking my phone and what I have learned in the last few months is that you can't replace the people in your life that need you and you can't take them for granted. So, if I have to pick between spending time with my nieces and doing crafts with them or watching a baseball game, the kids win. If I have to pick between my guy and getting some time in on a project for the future on the house or land and the Ballgame, he wins.

I have years to watch ball games and they watch them with me. They go with me to the Ballpark but the moments that can't be replaced are the special times we have riding a tractor, fishing, baking cookies, or painting t-shirts.

I still love you Rangers! Now quit sucking.



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3 Day weekend: Lake and Opening Day!

Well this weekend was an amazing, whirlwind of good and bad. It started out really rough with a broken leaf spring Friday night on the way to the lake.









Now for those who have no idea what a Leaf Spring is, I still don't but it keeps the boat trailer wheel suspended and therefore, the tires don't smoke. We were rescued first by some of my honey's friends & neighbors and then by a great repairman who still knows customer service and came out to fix it at the end of a long workday for him. He made it out at 10:30pm and the trailer was back on the road about 11:30.







We were really tired by the time we rolled in to the campground about 2am. Tired and both really grumpy! We made it and finally got a little sleep sometime after 3am. The next morning we went fishing and caught a few. Very few but it was fun (bass boats ROCK!) and being a natural redhead I burned despite the fact I had SPF 50 on and reapplied frequently.







Monday was Opening Day and my honey's b-day! We had tickets (and if you follow my blog that isn't news!). We headed to the park about 9am to tailgate with a bunch of friends. It was really good to catch up with them all. Some I haven't seen since Rangers season ended. Travis is the cigar smoking bagpipe blowing doll who invited us to hang. He is amazing on those pipes, y'all!







Since it was Stinkey's birthday (ladies if you have a man, know a man, ever met a man, I am sure you know why I call him that!) Ranger's Captain came over and wished him a Happy B-day! As you can see Captain was super excited. I mean it's Opening DAY!

Anyway, that is a view from my season ticket seats this year. Hello! I am pinching myself these seats are SO awesome!







So the Rangers had a few new tasty treats on the menu and being half Hungarian myself, I could not pass up the Hungarian maple glazed bacon on a stick. OMG!! OMG!!! So GOOD!!!!Thankfully, Stinkey helped me eat it and we even let our neighbors in the seats next to us try. This was huge BTW because in the course of our getting to know each other this nice man with a bit of a East Coast accent dropped the bomb on me that he is a YANKEE fan from New York originally! I told him the honest truth, the only nice Yankee fans I have ever met are the ones actually from New York. The Texas Yankee fans are rude, annoying and just miserable people to be around and I avoid the Ballpark during Yankee games because of them. I also told him that sadly for his original team, my experience is always very pleasant when the Red Sox are in town. He laughed.



Anyway, we had an amazing time!

We got to hang out with some of his friends Friday and Sunday and some of mine Monday.



There was some bad and a lot of good that happened this weekend. So much awesome that I can't even express to you how blessed I feel. Opening Day is magic!



Simply,

Laura

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Enjoy the Ride!

Simply,
Laura

Never do it today!

I suffer from a disease. It's called idontwanttoitis better known as procrastination.


I can manage to get 99 things done at work but the minute 5 o'clock comes I want to go home, relax, and read a book or watch TV. This drives my significant other nuts because he comes home and wants to work on everything in the house until it's done then start again tomorrow doing it all over again. I'm serious, my kitchen has never been so clean for so long.


It sounds like the perfect storm doesn't it? To be fair, there are many days...no most days, when I am mentally drained. I have 6 employees who report to me, my director to keep happy and the VP. Not to mention a slew of angry people who had accidents and suffer from iwantthisnowitis.


To be honest, most nights I come home and just can't think. So, like any warm out member of middle management I put off until the weekend!


Except that we are always running on the weekend and sometimes I just want to do nothing. Nothing only happens when I get sick.


So what am I procrastinating? Well, I have cleaned out two closets halfway. Now a normal person would have cleaned out one closet completely and moved to the next but that would be boring!


Even when I clean I do it in bursts. I will start in the bathroom then have to take something to the bedroom where I see a towel that belongs in the kitchen so I take the towel back and then I notice the floors are a mess so I start to clean them and before you know it, I have forgotten about the bathroom!


I clean in a very ADHD manner! I am lucky if I can even remember what I was doing when I walk from the kitchen to the bathroom to brush my teeth! I wish I were kidding.


Oh and Friday! Friday comes and I just don't want to do anything! It's like Friday has some mythical power drain. I will be sitting in my office thinking "I wish I were shopping!" I mean, after a long work week Friday is just a constant countdown to the weekend and hoping to find time to sleep!


Working out is another thing I procrastinate! Don't get me wrong, when I am on a roll, nobody is better at working out but I haven't been on a roll for a long time. I have this plan. I will walk until I get my leg strength up to mountain bike again but the bike needs to go to the bike shop and have a check-up and I never stick it in the Jeep and I forget to walk. How does one forget? Well, it's too cold or it's raining or I get home and I'm tired and there is a honey-do list. In a complete role reversal, I have the honey-do list instead of him.



Now, all of this sounds kind of lazy but I am not really lazy. Am I? I just want to do what I want to do and usually that isn't cleaning closets, redoing the bathroom floor and getting the garage cleaned out.

Well, I have put off getting ready for work long enough this morning. Time to get my face on and deal with Thursday!

So, do you procrastinate? What is your biggest challenge?



Simply,
Laura
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