Love is...

Love is: 

Growth

This weekend I was lucky enough to spend some time with people I use to know.  What happened when my old life met my new life was that I realized how much better my new life has become and how I wouldn't change a thing.  I am the same person but I am a better me now.  Where my life use to revolve around baseball and I would scoff at people who left a game early, now I realize my needs are not the only needs that have to be met.  For example, my husband attended the tailgate and the game I shared pictures of Sunday morning while suffering horrible back and shoulder pain.  He never complained once.  I knew he wasn't feeling well and yes, we left early because I asked him to go.  We live 55 miles from the Ballpark and he was stiff and tired.  Does this make me a bad fan?  I am sure some people would think so and yet it makes me a good wife which is way more important to me.    For the record, I am hoarse and my voice is crackling so while I may have left in the 8th inning, I cheered the whole time and gave the team my all.  Judge me and call me a bandwagon fan if you want to. At one time in my life, I would have criticized me too.  Now baseball isn't my whole life.  

Love is: 

Challenging

Breaking News: relationships are hard.  Any relationship but especially marriage.  You can't just run away.  There is always someone around who's needs are equal to your own.  The thing is, when that person is your best friend, even when you don't like them, you still love them.  My husband makes me smile when the Rangers aren't playing well.  He makes me soup when I don't feel well.  He makes me crazy when he refuses to see things my way. He keeps me focused on the big picture when the little stuff gets in the way.  

Love is: 

Imperfect: 

There are no perfect people so expecting love to be perfect is setting yourself up for failure.  My husband isn't who I would have pictured myself with.  I mean he looks nothing like Blake Shelton and yet, I still think he is cute.  (He does have a stupid sense of humor like Blake so that's a win.). He is a hunter and I want to save the world one animal at a time.  He is a Cowboys fan and I am a Rangers fan.  In other words, we are opposites.  Really some of the times he annoys me most is when he starts arguing with me that baseball season is too long.  I have debated this for three weeks with him until I am just ready to throw a baseball at his head. 

Love is: 

Learning to share the remote.   

He hates my shows on HGTV and I can't stand watching hunting and fishing shows.  Let's be honest, I am better at sitting through his shows than he is mine.  I just read about chickens online.  

Love is: 

Unexpected.  

I never set out to fall in love with my husband, it just happened.  He never meant to love me back, it just turned out that way.  Sometimes what you don't want and think you don't need is exactly what you need and want.  Love has nothing to do with the physical appearance or monetary value of the other human either, it's about how they compliment and challenge you.  

Love is: 

Wearing pants. 

You can't just do what you want anymore, there is someone else and there is no privacy.   There were days when I was single when I would read and not get out of my PJ's all Saturday.  My husband has to have a project and he always wants me there to keep him company.  In other words, he makes me get dressed every day and that is a little annoying sometimes.  

Love is: 

Worth it! 

When my new life met my old life Sunday, I realized that all the struggles to be together, raise his child, find our place on earth and do it all without killing each other was worth it.  I don't care about the things I lost or the people that fell out of my life.  I don't need to compete with people who's lives are just as imperfect as mine or more so.  I don't miss the old boyfriends or the old single life.  When I kiss him goodnight and he kisses me good morning, I know for the first time in my life, come hell or high water, we have each other's back and nothing feels as safe as that.  It's like coming home after a vacation and getting to sleep in your own, comfortable bed.  No bed feels as good as your own, no matter where you stayed and no place is as comforting.  That's love.  

Surviving the 1st year of marriage

I still smile when I see my cake. 

We are fast approaching our 1st year of marriage. I know, I can't believe it either.  I can't say it has all been easy, in fact a lot of it has been hard, really hard.  My situation isn't normal, whatever normal is.   I see all these kids getting married in their 20's, living in their first rented place together outside of mom and dad's house and growing together as a couple without all the craziness and responsibility of kids, dogs, and chickens and I think to myself "how cute".  I missed the chance to be a young bride and meet his parents and have in-laws because by the time I came around, they were all passed.  I missed the chance to get to know my husband before he was a dad, although he is a good dad and the kiddo is a blessing.  I didn't do normal.  

What I do know however are these two things: marry your best friend and remember in the heat of the argument try and remember you love one another.  

That seems simple enough but it isn't.  Neither my husband nor myself are perfect. I know, I know, this is altogether shocking and disappointing.  Believe me nobody is more upset at not being perfect than me. :-) We both have tempers and are stubborn.   This makes life nothing if not interesting.  

There are times when I wanted to give in or give up. Not because I didn't love him but because I didn't like him in that moment.  Luckily, the moment passed and I have gotten some very good advice that basically says "You have to accept one another as is, warts and all.  You won't change for him and he isn't going to change for you."  

Next best marriage advice from a soon to be not newlywed?  Pick your battles wisely and remember nothing you say in the heat of the moment will be forgotten or can be unsaid.   I am terrible at this one, I admit it. My mouth runneth over way too often in arguments.   It has gotten better over the course of the year but learning to not talk is hard for me.  (Insert shock here!). We have had some really stupid fights.  I mean laundry had been a battle royale in our marriage.  See I don't always turn my dirty stuff right side out.  This drives him nuts.  Honestly though,  I have the ability to blow off his blow up and that's what I have learned to do.  I do try to remember in the middle of my complete need to get the bra off (ladies you feel me here) to turn the cloths right side out and sometimes I even do.  It's just not worth an argument.  Silly stuff like that, is marriage.  You get on each other's last nerve once in a while.  

Remember in the bad times that the good times are coming.   Life has a way of beating us all up and down simultaneously.  If you are feeling beaten chances are he is too.  Find a place to pray, think, and make peace within yourself so you can make love not war with your spouse.  Don't bring work anger home and turn it into spouse hate.   Learn to talk to one another not at one another.  Remember your common goals and desires.   

Do it together.   Not everything but find things to do together.  We are building a rail around our deck to keep our friends from falling off.  Okay, not because we want one or need one because our friends aren't stupid or drunks but because the insurance is making us.  (Shout out to State Farm for being just stupid enough to not hear me when I tell you nobody ever walks on the sides of the steps or deck but you know better!) 

I told my husband the other day that working on the deck has actually been nice, if not one of the hottest things ever.  

We are doing it together.   Last week for my birthday (yes you missed it!) we went to his land.  Our land...I always say his but it's ours now.   Anyway, we filled feeders and worked on sprucing up and mowing and trimming together.  We shared the joy of getting bit and stung by hateful wasps. (I am not allergic, he is).  We were exhausted, grumpy, hot and stinky...but we did it together.  Let's be honest, it was 105 so we smelled so bad we couldn't smell ourselves or each other by the end of the trip although I smelled like stink and vanilla because I sprayed down with air freshener.  Yep, air freshener as perfume because who takes perfume camping?  Roughing it in the wild is making use of what you have, ladies! 

You know those things about yourself that drive you crazy?  Yeah well chances are they get on his nerves too.  I mean there are times I can't stand myself and wish I could run away so I know he feels the same way.  That may be the time for a day with your girls and a boys night out for him.  (Although hubs always drags me along on his boys nights because he likes my company or something?). When we were dating he told me the best thing about hunting was he would get a chance to miss me.  (What a bunch of bull! The best thing is bonfires, beer, and hunting buddy talk, I'm not fooled).  Never underestimate the value of missing someone!  You sometimes have to be apart to appreciate what you have.   

One last thing, take some time together, alone, and do nothing special.   We don't do this enough because we have house and boat and land and so dang much on our plate.  Still we get a weekend in here or there a couple times a year to relax and stop.  Kinda.  

Alright that is my sage wisdom and warning for everyone in the midst of wedding or marriage.  What marriage wisdom can you share?   

In the beginning: The start of the start, the good, the bad, and the nasty

Just in time for Valentine's Day, a love story.   Okay, truth be told, when I was single, I hated these things.  I hated Valentine's Day too.  It seemed to me like it was just a reminder that I was a failure in the relationship department.   To be honest, now that I am married, I realize so much more about why I am better for having been single forever. Not to mention, if my husband and I had met in our 20's we would not have fallen in love with one another.  We just wouldn't have.  He was not my 20-something self's cup of tea. So before I give you all the  beautiful, wonderful, amazing,  totally mushy details of my love story, let me start with the ugly truth.


Background:

My love life, when I met my husband was on life support.  Actually, to say that I even cared would be giving way too much credit to the place I was mentally at the time we met.   I had given up on love.

You see, I had just come out of a terrible experience.  I won't call it a relationship because what it actually was is a toxic friendship trying to be a relationship.   I met the guy before my husband on Twitter.   I know, I know, don't date guys you meet on Twitter. (I met my husband on Twitter too so I didn't learn!).   The guy before, GB for short, was everything I thought I wanted and nothing I needed.  He was a huge Rangers fan, sort of technically inclined, had a smart a@@ sense of humor, which I find attractive for some stupid reason, and best of all he liked me.   I wasn't very fond of myself at the time so it seemed like a perfect situation.  He and I didn't meet until we had been communicating for months and months and months.   We finally met at a baseball game and I was smitten.  It helped that he seemed to like me because this made it much easier to make excuses for his bad behavior.  There was a LOT of bad behavior.

We will start with the fact that after he and I had been together a few times, he finally confessed, admitted,  told me the truth,  that he may not actually be divorced.  This admission only came after I actually asked, by the way.   Not divorced when all over the internet he was saying his "ex-wife"?  This completely confused me.  Apparently, he didn't know if he was or wasn't.....divorced.   Um, okay.   Somehow, I made excuses for that.  I should have run.  I would have run if I had more self confidence but...I didn't.  Then came the night he got mad at me in a bar and left me without saying goodbye because "I was ignoring him". (I had come with my friend Trish so at LEAST he didn't leave me stranded!)  Next came the fact that he stood me up, not once, but twice, at the ballpark.  Once when I had a free ticket for him (his B-day present) and once when he asked to be invited to a tailgate and then didn't show up. He was at the tailgate game, he just couldn't be bothered to come say hi.   At this point, I was pretty much done.   I barely talked to him on Twitter and was so confused about how a man who stood in my house complaining about his wife/ex-wife and how she was begging him to get back together with him...but he didn't want to and was afraid to tell her.... but when he saw himself married in the future, he saw himself married to me, (yes, I fell for that line of BS) could treat me like last nights left overs.   Oh but that wasn't the end.   Next came him sending me messages asking to meet up with my friends and myself to mountain bike together.   I wasn't rushing in to that because I figured, he had played me pretty well at that point and I wasn't really too trusting.  Good choice.   Eventually he got kind of quiet and wasn't sending me text message and there was a good reason.  It seems, he 'accidentally' got someone else pregnant.

I was crushed.  I cried.  I died a little. I lost all trust of men.  I lost all faith in love and relationships.  I lost all faith in myself to know a good man when I saw one. I became depressed.  I wanted to die.  I wanted to stop feeling. I went to a therapist.  I put my friends through hell.  I would burst into tears for nothing, I complained, I was self involved, I wasn't a very good friend because I was so wrapped up in my broken heart.  I shut down for basically 8 months...right up until the moment the kid was born.  When the baby came I sent GB a message congratulating him.  (We were still friends on Facebook and Twitter at that time and I was trying to be nice)  He sent me a message back telling me how afraid he was and how this isn't what he wanted but he was trying to do the right thing and blah, blah, blah.  I just didn't care.

My Hubs:

While all of that was going on with me, my husband was ending a very complicated 19 year relationship and marriage.   Complicated doesn't even begin to explain it.  His now ex had asked him for a divorce a year and a half before, they tried counseling, they failed.   They had agreed to file for divorce but due to his ex-wife's medical issues, they agreed to wait until she was released from the hospital.   To say they didn't like each other by that point, would be the understatement of the century.  He was actually dealing with a ton of guilt for leaving a disabled wife even though she is the one who wanted the divorce. He was also worried about his child.  He needed a friend.

The meeting:

I met my future husband, J, on Aug. 8, 2013.  We had talked on the phone for about a week before we met.  We had tweeted back and forth with some other friends for a few weeks prior to that.   My birthday was August 5th and when I met my mom for lunch that day she asked me if there was anyone new in my life.   My exact response to her was "There is this guy who I am talking to but he is just now divorcing so he is just a friend. He is funny but  I don't need that complication."   Famous. Last. Words.  

Our first meeting was lunch at Chik-fil-a.   You know that whole "Have your marriage at the first place you met" thing?  Yep, my marriage would have been full of cows and chicken mini's.   We talked, We laughed, We made goo-goo eyes at the adorable baby sitting next to us.  I liked him.  He made me smile.  I hadn't smiled in months.  He had a good heart.  He was kind.  He was honest and told me exactly everything that was going on in his life.  He was funny in that...He is so goofy you can't help but laugh at him sort of way.  (No really! He has this litany of stupid jokes he tells everyone about 5 minutes after meeting them and he won't stop no matter how much I beg him!)  He wasn't what I wanted.  I didn't want a hunter, gun owner, fisherman.  That was exactly my brother.  He was a Cowboys fan not a Rangers fan.  I mean, that is insane.  I had season tickets for crying out loud...to the Texas Rangers.   He wasn't at all right for me. Right? Maybe not. He was kind of cute and sweet.  He held my door.  He was almost a gentleman.

And then I freaked out.  He called me that night or the next, I don't remember, and told me we really need to be friends.  I told him fine because I wasn't over GB.  This annoyed him.  I was already annoyed because I felt like he was ditching me and I didn't even want a relationship with him...because he wasn't divorced yet.

The next day he called and asked me to meet him for dinner, to talk, at a biker bar.   How charming he is.  I did.  From that point on, we kind of just clicked.   We became friends.  Then he took me to see his recreational land.  It was hot, dirty, and while he was talking about how much he loved that place and how he didn't want to lose it in his divorce, I was thinking to myself, "Oh my GOD, I could fall for this guy.  He reminds me of my grandfathers".   He says that is when I fell in love with him.  I tell him it is more like when I realized I had a mad crush on him.  After that, we were just there for each other.   Okay, he was going through way more than I was but he did things for me on the rare occasion when we got a chance to see each other....(NO! I don't mean those kind of things.)  I mean he fixed things at my house.   If cooking is the way to a man's heart then fixing things is a really good start on hooking a woman!

Friends, Divorce, and Family:

Because I had put my friends through so much with GB, I decided to not share with them the things going on with J and myself.   This turned out to be a mistake with some of them.   See, I was on thin ice with them relationship wise because they pretty much hated that I let GB walk all over me, they hated GB for pulling the crap he did, and they lost all faith in my ability to make any decisions where men were concerned.   To them, there was very little difference between GB and J.

In the meantime, J and I were going through some craziness.  You think dating is hard?  Date someone who is going through a divorce and custody fight.  At different points in our getting-to-know each other, I was sure his ex was actually going to murder him.  I didn't have any guilt in our relationship because I knew that I had nothing to do with his marriage breaking up and because that marriage seemed pretty darn toxic, to me. People grow apart. It happens.

And then, when the divorce was almost final, he needed a place to stay.   I offered my house.   Yep, there is nothing about moving slow that I ever actually believed in.   When I told my friends our plan, three of them let me know in very clear terms they did not approve.   Two were diplomatic about it.  One told me I was going to hell for, well for a lot of things: Dating a married man, not waiting until the divorce was final, living with someone.  I don't really know what all I am going to hell for, exactly.  The way to get me to see your point  is not to start telling me that you know God is sending me to hell.  I didn't take that well.  I said a BUNCH of nasty things and then told this friend we were not friends anymore.   The thing is, in the process, I lost the other two friends too.   I cried, a lot.  I beat myself up for everything, even though deep down, I felt like my friends were wrong for casting judgement on J, who they had never met,  wrong for trying to make me choose between J and them and just plain wrong about our relationship, which they didn't know much about. I loved these people and I felt betrayed.  (I still love them, I don't feel betrayed anymore, I just try not to feel anything where they are concerned. The hurt is still there but it is what it is.  The friendships were never repaired.)

Next came meeting the families and the friends who stood by me.   Mom loved J.   My friend Trish and her (now) husband loved him. My brother and sister-in-law loved him.  My nephews and nieces loved him.  My friend Alaina loved him. My friend Jan loved him.  Actually, almost everyone who knows J, loves his grumpy, silly, goofy self.   I met his daughter on Thanksgiving.  My step-daughter was the big challenge for me.  He had it in his head that she had to like me or we had to break up.  No pressure there.  Luckily for me, my step-daughter loved me from the start and after knowing me a month, she started asking when her dad and I were getting married.  LOL!  He had been divorce about 2 months and we hadn't even told her we were dating.   She is a smart cookie.

(Next week....the proposal, AW!)


Question:
How did you meet your boyfriend, best friend, or spouse?   Was it totally romantic or like me, just a total fluke?

Advice to my 20 year old self on Life, Love, Baseball and the Pursuit of Happiness!

There comes a point in middle age (otherwise known as your late 30's and early 40's) where you think to yourself, man did I really waste my 20's worrying about that crap?  Why!?!? So here is my advice to me...because who else would I be qualified to advise? 

-Go to more concerts and eat less ice cream.  You won't regret it. 

-Stop trying to "find" the one.  He isn't going to show up until he is suppose to and that is in God's time so get off the dating sights and have fun with friends. 

-Never make excuses for men.  When you meet your best friend, you will know and you will marry him.  Until that time,  the toads are just a learning experience. Don't cry over them, pity them.  They let the best thing in the world walk away. You! 

-Buy the shoes.  

-Pay the bills before you buy the shoes because that good credit really does matter. 

-Don't waste your time on people who take and never give.  Those people make terrible friends and in the end, they aren't the ones that are there for you.  

-Don't forget the friends who are and always have been there for you.  Those are the friends that are gold and won't ever leave. 

-God, Family, and Rangers baseball in that order. 

-Date rednecks because they make the best husbands. 

-"God is great, beer is good, people are crazy!"

-Stop judging yourself.  

-Have fun and be silly and for the love of all things good, don't take yourself so seriously! 

-Think less and spend more time outside! 

-Never give up on the Rangers because someday they actually are going to make it to the World Series! 

Reflections of a Single Life: A survival guide

When you spend the majority of your life not "in a relationship" a lot of things start to go through your mind. Most of them start out with "what is wrong with me?".


A friend of mine is going through this right now and talking with her the other day reminded me of how hard it is out there and how long I spent kissing toads before I finally found my not perfect but perfect for me Prince. (No, I don't mean Prince Fielder but I am happy for an amazing hitter too!)

Dating is tough. How do you meet someone? How do you know if someone is really in to you or just using you? How do you not take it personally when someone "Friend-zones" you?

I can't answer any of those questions but I can tell you that when it is right, it is still work but it feels easier. I can tell you that I know with every bit of my soul that my past relationship failures were meant to lead me where I am today and so were his and even through there are some really stressful things in every relationship, when two people are on the same path, the boulders blocking the path become pebbles.


So let me tell you my feelings on being single. Ready?

-Women try too hard. We go out of our way trying to make bad relationships work because we think "this is the one" or "he may be my last chance." I did both of those things and made excuses because I felt the man was running away from me because he was scared. Here's the thing, I forgot to examine what I was getting from that relationship and when I look back now, I realize I wasn't being fair to myself about what I needed. I wasn't even being myself. I put up with too much crap! I deserve to be first not thirty first and I deserve to know I am loved. Who cares what he wanted when the truth was, he wasn't giving me what I wanted or needed. I should have walked away after our second "date". I know that now, but I had no self respect.

-Women spend too much time on dating services trying to meet the one and filtering out the Piece of A guys. Truth here, I tried internet dating. My first love came from internet dating. For me, that never felt natural. What matters more is you get out and live and stop looking.


-Stop looking!!!
I know you have heard it at least a hundred times but true love seems to come when you aren't looking and probably don't want it. It happened to me. I didn't want a relationship. I didn't want anything. I gave up on men and just had friends. Sometimes you find a friend that makes you laugh and when you do, something happens. You un-friend zone someone and they do the same for you. Let nature take it's course.


Love yourself first!
Find your strength and love you! It's the hardest and most rewarding relationship you will ever have!

-What you think you want may not actually be what you need. Don't discount someone because he is a Republican and You are a Democrat or he is a Football fan and you are a Baseball fan and even try to accept him if he is a Yankees, Angels, or Cards fan when you are a Rangers fan! I know it is hard. Mixed relationships seem to work better. You need someone who pushes you outside your comfort zone. It makes life more fun! You get to do things together that is new for one of you. Share your passions!

Finally some things to know when you stumble upon Mr. wonderful, and you will!

-Someone else's nightmare may be your perfect, imperfect guy. Just because someone else had a bad relationship with the guy doesn't mean you will. People don't always know how to talk to one another but you may communicate better or simply have the gift to laugh off when he is being stupid. When you finally find that guy that treats you right, go for it. It's your life and you deserve it but you have to take the chance.

-Know that the hard times and struggle are what bring you together.
You are going to struggle! You have to learn how to be a "we" and that takes work, especially if you have been "me" and he has been "he" for a long time.

-Outside influences will try to tear you apart be they friends, family or ex's. People react strangely to your life sometimes. You would be shocked to know how many people I know who lost at least one friend and maybe several because they didn't approve of their mate choices. Oddly, the friends I have that went through that have really strong marriages and they have been a God-send to me as I went through a similar situation! You will find that the friends that support you no matter what are the ones that mean the most! I cherish them.

Don't give up! Know that God has a plan for you and part of it is to make you stronger. You don't have to be worried. Life works out the way He plans and you simply can't mess it up!

XO

Enjoy the Ride!

Simply,
Laura

Not another sappy Valentine's Day Blog?

Happy Valentines day!
I hope everyone knows how very loved they are today!

I have been thinking a lot about this blog and no, I am not going to share how wonderful my guy is or how we met or our love story and I am not even going to share romantic Valentine's plans. You can all relax!

Instead I am going to share a few things I learned about love and relationships between last Valentine's day and today.

Until last year I truly hated Valentine's day. It was so hard being single and seeing everyone get flowers and make big plans.
Then last year a friend of mine very sweetly changed that and sent me flowers. I was in a very bad place and it was just the pick me up that I needed. I felt special for the first time in my life.

Relationships are complicated sometimes, even friendships and unfortunately that friend is not in my life this year. Things happen, stuff is said, people leave.

But they don't always. This year is totally different. This year I know I am loved and that's awesome. Still, relationships are complicated! I don't know who said that if the relationship is right it isn't work. That's crap! All relationships are work!

Love is work. Friendships are work. Parenting is work. Owning a dog is work. If you don't work on them, they die.

What I have learned is that no matter near or far, in your life or out...love remains. I still love some people who aren't in my life but sometimes distance creates vision and you realize you can love someone and not be a part of their life and you may even realize it is better that way, for you.

I have learned that instead of concentrating on what I lost, it is much healthier to concentrate on what I have. I have so much!

I have learned that every hurt makes you stronger. Every betrayal makes you appreciate the people who have always been there for you and always will. Every knock down is an opportunity to pick yourself up. Every friendship isn't equal. Every lover doesn't leave. Every bad thing that happened in the past doesn't have to hurt today. Everyone who loves you isn't going to shatter your heart. I have learned to trust someone in a way I never trusted before. I have learned that sometimes you can give too much to people who don't deserve it, friends or lovers.

Most of all, I have learned that every real relationship only works if you learn to compromise and have faith that you can overcome any problem if you work together and you both want to make things work.

Living in a box, cut off from everyone else with your heart wrapped in bubble wrap isn't a possibility so you have to become smart about who you invite into your life and who you allow to effect it.

Finally, I have learned that sometimes love really does show up when you aren't looking and don't really want it and that can be the best gift of your life, if you take a chance.

Happy Valentine's Day! May your heart be filled with the love that surrounds you!




Simply,
Laura
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Never, Ever, Ever plus Yuesday Tueaday!

Linking up with Neely at A complete waste of makeup  for Never, Ever, Ever.
Here is what I will Never, ever, ever say again..or do...or both:

Never, ever, ever:

*will I think Adam Levine isn't just amazing looking.
*will I pass on a beerita.
*will I cheer against a DFW team.
*will I say football is better than baseball
*will I think men on mountain bikes aren't sexy as heck.
*will I not look when I pass the Fire Department.
*will I love push-ups.
*will I turn the phone off for more then an hour.
*will I not be 99% sure manna from heaven is Chick-Fil-A nuggets.
*will you hear me tell another person they are going to Hell for anything. I don't know God's will and it is not up to me to pass judgement.
*will I turn down free Rangers, Mavs, Stars, or Cowboy tickets...in that order!
*will I chase a man again. I am worth too much and I deserve so much better.
*will I be anyone but myself. I may be difficult, stubborn, and loud but I have a heart of gold and I would die for the people I love.
*will I walk away from chips and salsa even though I should!
*will I tell myself I can't.
*will I doubt again that I was put on this earth to be a mother. I will have my children and it will happen soon.
*will I stress because I don't have a child yet. I am counting on y'all to hold me to this one.
*will I think the last man I dated is the last man I will ever date until someone puts a ring on it.
*will I confuse sex and love. Too honest? Sorry.
*will I not post a picture of me wearing a new shirt. I'm so vain!




I am really loving my new makeup.  That's for real! I think I look cute!  Words I have rarely ever said!



It's Yuesday so I am rocking my #11 T and headed to the ballpark for game 1 of 3 this week....I think. Plus, I am going to get some extra free tickets tonight! Oh I love my life!!


Simply,
Laura
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What a difference a year makes + Challenge Quotes

There are so many things going through my head this morning. So many things are completely different from how they were a year ago and nothing is how I thought it would be. Nothing worked out like I thought/hoped it would in so many ways.



Ask Josh Hamilton what a difference a year makes. A year ago on this day he was coming off a near World Series victory. A year ago he owned the Ballpark. Today he is very likely the single most hated former Ranger great in club history. That's all on Josh but I have said my peace about him. This blog is about me. This is about being honest with myself.


I doubt I will move a mountain but I will ride them!


So much has changed. I am not sorry. A year ago I was no where near as strong as I am today. I was also a lot more hopeful than I am today. Life is a trade-off, I guess. The person I am today is better but the person I am today is probably a little more jaded. That's ok because I am too trusting and too giving as a rule. Ask any of my friends and they will probably tell you I would give them the world if it was mine to give. When I love someone, it takes a lot for me to abandon them. I don't quit on my friends.


Dr. Seuss knew me!



There isn't a lot I would change about the last year because I had to try and I had to be open to fail. I love my life but I really don't know if love exists anymore and I did last year.





Friday my mother asked me if I was seeing anyone new. I off-handedly responded "nobody special. Nobody wants me." My mom snapped back: "That's because you aren't looking. You quit trying." My mom is a education and psychology major. She is a counselor by profession so trying to pull one over on her usually doesn't work. I have given up. She is right. I am not prepared to open myself up to being hurt right now. I may never be prepared to open myself up to that again. That is NOBODIES fault. That is a choice I made. I wouldn't really do things differently today with the exception of two things. I will run the next time a man tells me I am special but he just doesn't know what he wants. We as woman tend to hear what we want and I heard him but I thought he was afraid. The other thing is about pride and self-respect. I will never let myself get so drunk that I forget who I am and cry in a bar. That's not me. I am strong. I have been through Hell from the time that I was 5 years old and I survived. I cry a lot but I survive. That was probably the worst night of my adult life. I made it that way and again that is my fault. I am taking responsibility for the things that I do wrong. I am accepting the present and understanding the past. I refuse to think about the future because tomorrow never comes.






So what have I learned? I have learned to believe in myself above any man. I have learned to believe in God above myself. I have learned that I have the most faithful, protective, wonderful friends in the world and even when they want to beat people up for me or unleash the wrath of well WRATH... they respect my choices and are amazingly supportive when I just need a hug or a shoulder or an ear. They tell me I am beautiful and amazing and awesome. They love me back. I wouldn't trade that for all the dumb boys on the planet earth or even the right one at the wrong time.



I really do believe in love. Love never fails.
It changes, it grows, it becomes stronger.
















I love you all for reading this. This one was hard but I needed it.

Simply,
Laura
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday Ten: What I know about the L-word

Before I start this I have to tell you that there are really only two things in my head lately, well, two things that I care to share with the entire world (or whoever all you lovely people are that read my blog!).  One is mountain biking which I have been loving  a LOT the last 6 days.  I already decided part of what I am going to do to celebrate my one-year bikeversary in August.  It works out perfectly because the Bikeversary is 3 days before my birthday so I am getting one present for both....to me, from me.  It will be awesome and I will share it when the time comes.    The other thing is that in 12 days my beloved Texas Rangers play real baseball and in 16 days I will be at the Ballpark again for game one of what will probably be about 30-35 home games I see this year and I can not WAIT!


But I blogged about biking yesterday and I don't have anything exciting to impart Texas Ranger wise so doing a 3rd Texas Ranger Tuesday will have to wait at least another week.  That means I am doing a Tuesday 10 and this one is What I know about Love and Relationships.   Oh, this shouldn't take long and expect many cliches!   Okay here we go:

10. You can love two people at once but you can't have both of them. 
A choice has to be made and you are going to hurt someone.  Do it quickly and be honest because dragging it out only makes it more painful later.

9. If a man says he doesn't know what he wants....believe him and RUN! 
Run for your own good because you are going to end up hurt in the end.  If he figures out that he wants you in time, you can always make room for him later but he has to figure out you are the right, amazing, perfect woman.  If he figures it out and it is too late, it is his loss.

8. You may love someone before you meet them.  
I know this sounds a little crazy but sometimes people work their way into your heart through email, text, and social media and you actually can really care and yes I will go so far as to say possibly love them before you meet them. 

7. Never work harder than the other person. 
Relationships are a partnership and if one person is pulling the load and the other person is reaping the benefits in the end, someone is going to be crushed.  This is probably the biggest mistake I make because frankly, I like spoiling my guy.  I am a caregiver by nature and I think of others first.  It is hard to put my needs infront of his but at some point I realized that I matter and I have to take care of me first.

6. If it is meant to be, someday it will be.
Yes it is a cliche but I warned you there would be some.  Some cliches are truth.  This is the truth.  It may not work out today or two years from today but if two people are meant to be together nothing will keep them apart.  It may take ten years and a bunch of other relationships but they will find a way back together.  That doesn't mean you live for someday.  You live with the reality of today and make the mistakes in between even if that means a divorce or two or whatever before you make your way back together.

5. Sometimes the right one is the wrong one.
This is such a hard truth.  You can feel with every fiber of your body that you are suppose to be with a specific person but that doesn't mean you are right for each other. Everything may look right and feel right but it takes more.  Falling in love is about timing and the place each person is at a given moment.  I have always know that if you meet the right one at the wrong time they become the wrong one.  This happened to me recently and it is a really hard thing to accept but I have accepted it and moved on.  Unfortunatly, it is painful and not something you can see until you are away from it.

4. What happens when you are together is only half of the relationship.
"When we are together we are great but when we are apart he seems to have second thoughts about us."   That's because when you are apart he is doing his own thing and you are the furthest thing from his mind.  I know we have talked about this before but men are different from women and well, let's be honest, they are annoying. 

3. Love isn't easy but if it is worth it, it is worth fighting for.
Even the broken heart is worth it.  Loving someone is the greatest gift you can give them because you give them your heart.  They may not want it, but if they don't someone else will.  You are an incredible person and there are more people out there that will see that so fight for love just don't fight alone.

2. You never get a second chance to say you're sorry.
We all have regrets and this is just a terribly hard one to live with.  Sometimes you make mistakes.  Sometimes the other person makes mistakes.  Figure out a way to say you are sorry and forgive each other because if the relationship ends because of something silly, you are going to regret not saying you were sorry. (If you aren't sorry that is another story.)

1. Love yourself first.
This is something I am still learning how to do but the truth is, you have to love yourself in order for other people to love you the way you deserve to be loved.  Start with liking yourself and you can progress to loving yourself but the key to this is to replace all negative self-talk with positive self-talk. Tell yourself you are awesome and believe it then do what makes you awesome. 

Happy Tuesday everyone! The best thing about Tuesday is that it isn't Monday!!



Enjoy the Ride!

Simply,
Laura
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