Things I wish I could ask my Grandparents

Maybe it's because of the wedding but I have found myself crying all morning because I miss my grandparents. I miss all four of my grandparents so very much. I find myself wishing I could ask then some questions about life some really important and some just important to me. Here are some things I would love to know:

-how do you set up and keep a compost pile?

-how do you live with a man for 30 years and not kill him?

-how do you learn to agree about stupid things kitchen appliances without it becoming a discussion? Why can't I just have my kitchen? I'm not making suggestions on outdoor tool and grills. Just let me do the house, please!

-I want my grandmother'a recipe for the "Don't fence me in" cookies that nobody can find!

-how do you get past the annoying things you do that make each other crazy?

-kids...how do you raise them to turn out well? Help please! I mean none of my parents or aunts and uncles ended up on drugs or alcoholics.

-house cleaning tips. Come on you didn't really spend all day, every day cleaning, right? There have to be things you did to make it easier and fast. I saw those gardens!

-speaking of gardens I want to grow those tomatoes you use to grow. I haven't had a good one since any of you grew them.


I am sure there are twenty two other things I would ask but mostly I would just tell them I miss them and love them.




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Is it all worth it?

Sadie is packed and ready to move. She is about the only one. I am so completely stressed out trying to get everything done. I sit here now and think....is this stress all worth it? I am grumpy. I cry over nothing. I pick stupd fights with my fiancé for breathing wrong.

I don't remember closing on a house being this hard 15 years ago. I have never been married so I can't even speak to that part. I do know that everything happening at the same time is really stupid. I want to run away.

And then everything that can go wrong does....
The car suddenly stops working for no reason at all except apparently that the theft protection device in the key failed after 8 years. Ok?

The appraiser on the house insists there is a foundation problem, which doesn't exist because, we already had it checked and it was fine, but now we have to have a structural engineer inspect it. Ok, thought I had that handled. Not so fast! The company that was going to do it decided to deny the request. Furthermore, they referred me to a company that refuses to do Pier and Beam foundations. Well ok, can you all just stab me now? We are closing in less than 2 weeks and I can't find anyone to pay to actually inspect the stupid foundation which is fine anyway.

Work...is just a little ball of stress.

Then I worry about everything in between the wedding and the house. Changing my address. As in, I haven't changed it and it suddenly occurred to me that I probably should since I don't live there anymore. Changing my name. I mean, I have had my name for 44 years. How does one just change it after that long? All this stress makes me feel....Fatter than Shamu! I am never going to fit into my wedding dress!


Oh and I have 3 concerts left and I can't find the tickets. I packed them....somewhere! Is this all worth it? Ask me in a month, I guess.


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Physical Exhausted or Mentally Tired

Stress beats me sometimes but mostly because my job is no piece of cake. I deal with situations where people's lives may be irreversibly altered by tragedy. I also manage a group of diverse personalities with a whole set of unique qualities of their own. Doing this while being all too human is a struggle. I mean, my own life challenges can't interrupt my work life because there is just too much to deal with.

So yes, I will take physical exhaustion over being mentally tired any day. It is hard to explain how drained I am emotionally at the end of the day. How sometimes I have to fake a smile and cheerfulness because I am around others. This is something different for me. Remember I have been alone most of my adult life. It's not that I am anti-social it is what I am use to, alone. Dealing by myself is how I got by. Maybe I didn't do it well but I did it. So I fake it until I make it, or until I pass out, or cry.

I don't know that everyone handles emotional stress the same or maybe as poorly as I do. I don't know that everyone handle mental exhaustion the way I do. I honestly do know this, my co-workers and people who work in similar industries agree that being mentally exhausted is an entirely different level of tired from when they are physically tired. One of my co-workers said this to me this morning "It isn't that I don't want to go home and clean the house, it's that I am so emotionally worn out, all I can do is make dinner and get the kids to bed." Yep, that's about how I would express it. I have grand plans on the way to work. On the way home from work I just am happy to make it home without falling asleep.

So, what about you? What's harder for you, Physical or Emotional exhaustion?


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Let Go, Stay Calm, Find God

Sometimes it feels like everything I say is wrong and nothing I do is right. Sometimes it feels like I am lost. Lately that's every day. Yesterday I was flipping radio channels and I switched on the the local Christian channel. I hadn't listened to them in a long time. I left it there. My station is still sitting on that channel and this morning I changed my office radio to that same channel. I just need grounding. I need calm. I need God's love right now to balance me. When every part of my life is spinning and I am searching for direction I can always count on Him. He never fails me. People may let me down but God never does.





Life has a way of being way too complicated sometimes. People have expectations of me that I just can't meet, sometimes. Things start to stress me out and I start worrying. "What if's" start to rule my life. What if this project doesn't get done at work? What if that project doesn't get done at home? What if Derek Holland doesn't get healthy by the All-Star break? Yes, I worry about baseball. I'm a freak!



I can't control what others expect from me and I can't control what anyone else chooses to believe or do for me. The only thing I can control is myself. The truth is that I have enough hurt inside of me for ten people and I carry it around like a bundle of wounded flesh. Whenever anyone says anything it pops out and bleeds but at the same time there are a lot of insensitive jerks in the world who don't think before they open their mouths and I need to be tougher.



That's where God comes in. I need to lean on Him when I am feeling weak. I need to pull on His strength and pray for the people who hurt me. I need to find the will to want the people who are hateful or selfish to heal too. I want to be that Christian. I want to be that strong. I do.



Here is the problem, I am a red head, German-Hungarian-American-Indian, and there are just certain things that genetics can't change. I want to be calm and peaceful but there is no denying that there is some fire in my blood. When someone makes me angry praying isn't my first instinct. Over the years I have learned to take a walk and calm myself. This is my cooling off mechanism. This doesn't always go over well with people but it is my way of handling it and it works for me. I walk away and calm down so I don't say anything I will regret. Sometimes I even remember to pray and ask God for guidance. A lot of the time, actually I just say, 'help me, Lord,'.



It's hard to explain faith to people who have none and I don't really feel the need to defend my religion (I am a bad Catholic). However my faith in God is important to me as is my Catholicism, even though I am a little lacking lately. (Mostly do to the new-new mass but that's another blog for another time). There are things I can compromise on and things I will not and my faith I will not.











Simply,

Laura

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Enjoy the Ride!

Simply,
Laura

Stress, Food, and Working out

Lately everything seems to stress me out, a lot. Relaxing is hard for me. Sometimes I feel very overwhelmed and yes, I am on my own nerves a lot!


My job is very stressful and I try not to let it get to me but I don't always do a good job. Add on to this I am not a morning person and coffee is the only way I get to 11:30am some days!




Then there is the pressure of just trying to get everything ready at home. I have closets (I have mentioned these) that just totally scare me. I don't want to donate my shoes and handbags. I love them. I have spent years collecting them. Still, I have to pack them and get them organized, somehow. Shoes matter!




Sometime I say things or even blog things that don't make a lot of sense or aren't really what I am trying to say. Things come out wrong.



My instinct coping mechanism for stress is a cheeseburger, ice cream or large amounts of pizza. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I can't eat them. Well, I can eat them but I don't give in when I want them due to stress because I know better and because I will end up sick.




I know that what I need to do is get out and walk, ride, or hike but part of my issue with stress is being exhausted a lot. I am having a huge issue right now getting started!


So I thought to myself, what I need is motivation, advice, or just some useful tips from my gentle blog readers to get me going....



Help a sister out. When you are feeling overwhelmed and know you need to work out but the last thing you want to do is get your big butt out of bed, how do you make yourself do it? What motivates you? What gets you going?




Do you have any sure fire coping with stress mechanisms.

Simply,
Laura
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I'm a screamer. I scream. Did someone say Ice Cream?

Please don't make the redhead scream!

How do you handle stress?  Everyone handles it differently.  I don't know if anyone handles it well. I have to make sure there is no ice cream in the house otherwise I can do some serious damage. I know that not only can stress cause emotional and mental problems (I have enough of those without stress, thanks!) but it can also cause physical problems. 

No, this isn't actually my Blue Bell...but it could be!

  I

I saw something on my horoscope (No I still don't believe but it was funny) advising me basically that I have enough stress in my life right now without driving myself crazy about my weight (which is like telling me not to breath) because that will only make it worse.   Man is that the truth.  I want to eat anything I can when I am stressed and lately that is every minute I am at work. Everyone is stressed at the office right now and I am somewhat in the middle of it all.  It seems to never end.  Job security is a good thing to have but my job isn't always easy on the best day and then you add to it a never ending influx of new stuff you get a touchy office.  By the time I get home at night, I have to struggle to get a light workout in and fall into bed.  I feel so exhausted constantly!  I fell asleep in the middle of The Voice Monday.  I think it was 8:30.  I am a night owl not a morning person so the fact that I have been in bed by 9pm every night for 2 weeks says something. (Ah, Ambien!)



                                      



I had a ex-boyfriend....let's call him a huge mistake.  Anyway, his advice on how to handle stress was to just have a lot of sex.  Shocking really, that he would suggest that.  His theory was....well, I guess he just wanted sex. He was special in a not good way.   (Honestly, I used him to get over Robb and that was the BIGGEST mistake of my life but I was a lot younger and that is another blog!)

 I want that pillow!

I know that getting plenty of sleep is a must but I have a terrible time falling and staying asleep.  Does anyone else have this problem?  Do you wake up half the time as tired as you did were when you fell asleep? Do you have two little annoying dogs that insist on waking you every morning between 2 am and 3 am just because?  Do you want mine?  It has gotten so bad that since about January I have had to take medication just to sleep.  I went about 3 weeks between January and Febuary hardly sleeping at all.  I actually went 4 days without sleep. Part of that was not wanting to dream at that time because I always had dreams that made me wake up crying.  Still, trust me, you don't want to be around me when I am hyper sensative, tempermental, and crying constantly because of lack of sleep. 

Mmmm!

I realize that right now what I need more than coffee is hydration.  My body is screaming for non-carbonated water filled beverages.   I am trying to include a lot more.  Hopefully this will give me the added energy I feel is missing so I can focus on my physical activity and reducing stress that way.  The one thing I don't drink when I am stressed is alcohol.  (I know it seems like I drink a lot because when I do, I take pictures of my drinks and put them in the blog.  I almost never drink during the week.)

 I always know when my stress level is too high.  My eye sight gets fuzzy, my neck gets tight, and my head hurts all the time.  I don't take a lot of pain meds.  I stay away from them as a rule unless it is just too much to handle.  If I am taking pills for a headache, chances are it is a bad sign.  I may not have a problem taking pills to sleep but when it comes to pain, I can handle it most of the time.  Jeez, I am the woman refusing pain meds at the hospital 8 hours after surgery.   I laugh at pain until it makes me want to cry then I give in.  Something like that.


So....now what?

 I am not trying to complain.  I am actually in-love with almost everything in my life right now, I really am. I adore my friends and feel incredibly blessed to have my crazy family.  I love being busy.   I like that there is someone special who makes time for me as much as our busy schedules can manage.  I really like the people I work with and I even love those dogs that keep waking me up.  I just wish there was more time for the stuff I want to do and a little less of the stuff that I have to do.  (What is that?  Adult responsiblity or something.  MEH!)
So I guess what I am doing is asking.... do you have any great stress reduction methods?*  Anything that you know is a can't miss way to relax?  Something that doesn't require an unhealthy addiction to alcohol, ice cream or prescription drugs? 

*I realize the sex thing actually works but nobody can stay in bed all day...can they?   I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try that sometime.



Simply,
Stressed
Laura