Wednesday, August 27, 2014

So long, Farewell, Adieu

Happy Birthday to my daddy in heaven. I love you!


This was my home for the last 15 years.

Yesterday it officially became someone else's home.

Someone else's life will happen there.

Someone else's friends and family will visit.

And someone else will make the next set of changes. I have made them for 15 1/2 years. It's time for someone else to take charge.

I cried. Thanks for the memories little house. Thanks for the warm winter nights and the cool summer days. Thanks for helping me grow up and stand on my own. Thanks for helping me find my strength and thanks for teaching me how hard life can be and how worth the fight it is when you work your bottom off for something and struggle. Thank you for giving me and my dogs and cats and fish and friends and family shelter. Thank you for listening to my prayers to God. Thank you for witnessing all my bad relationship mistakes and my final good one. Thank you for being my home.

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Monday, August 18, 2014

Haven't we been here before?

My grandfather was a medic in World War Two. He passed away in 2008 but before he left this world for a great fishing hole in the sky, we use to have long talks about the state of life. He was frustrated with the place he called home, this little rock called Earth and much more the country he saw good men die to protect. "It's your problem now, Laura", he would say. "I am done with it." "The small farmer, the backbone of this country has been forced out. We produce nothing. We have forgotten who we are and where we come from. Nobody cares about their own past or anything my generation did to keep freedom alive." I would argue with him. I would tell him over and over, I care. I know my history and I know how important the past is. He died believing he was right and I was wrong.

My grandfather was a smart man.

When you turn on the news today, you hear about Missouri, is it 2014 or 1963? You hear about Israel and Palestine. We watched Munich this weekend, that was 1972 but that goes back much further. Have we forgotten so soon the terrorists that Israel faces today are the same ones, basically, who attacked the US in September 2001? Ah, but it goes back further. Oh, and Russia! A few short months ago the world LOVED Mr. Putin because there was an Olympics going on but not everyone was praising him. Even then the Ukraine and other former Soviet countries were trying to tell the world this is a bad man and nobody would listen. We listen now. A plane full of people had to disappear for us to hear but now we are listening.

Does it disturb anyone else but me that history keeps repeating itself? That we continue to fail to learn the lessons from the past and make the same mistakes over and over again?

Has anyone tried to have a conversation with a young person about the past? Trying to even get them to watch a movie about any historical event takes a force of nature. I have tried to talk about things with my nieces and nephew and future step-daughter. Talk to them about their family and the past. Talk to them about their own history much less that of the world. They don't care. There isn't a video game for the family tree. There isn't a computer program for what's happening in Missouri or Israel or the Ukraine and kids don't care because, well, because....we let them.

I am deeply disturbed by all of this. I wake up at nights and watch the news and think, 'I want to give the world back Grandpa. I don't want this mess. This isn't what I signed up for!' So, what do we do about this? How do we fix it and make sure what we leave the next generation isn't as ugly as what they have now? How do we make them care?

How do we open our eyes to the reality of the ugly and stop accepting history repeating itself? How do we learn? How do we get better?

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Sunday, August 10, 2014

This is so Dang HARD!!!

We all know moving sucks, that not news. I have moved from at least 7 to 8 apartments over my life. I lost count. That's what happens when you are in your twenties. I was different from most 28 year old single women though and some 15 plus years ago I bought a house.

When I bought it the house was going to be my 5 year house. I have spent over 3 times the amount of years I thought I would here. In that time I will have replace the roof twice, pulled out all the carpet and put in or finished floors myself, painted every wall in the house so many times in so many different colors I can't even count, replaced faucets, toilets, lights, ceiling fans, garage doors, planted pretty much everything in the back yard that isn't grass and the same in the front yard. I have laid pavers and even replace a water heater.

I have cried all weekend over moving. We have two weeks left before I say goodbye to my little house. I walked the park today for one of the last times as a home owner over here. It was about 103 degrees and I didn't mind because I won't get to walk the park again for who know how long. I am on an emotional roller coaster. It is crazy the emotions you feel when you say goodbye to your home. I never felt that way about an apartment. Apartments were never home to me. Apartments were a place to stay until I found home.

My house has been my safe place for 15 years. My house has been the place I cried and laughed. I have worked out in this place. I have been sick here. I have been tired here. I have been sad and happy here. I have nursed a broken heart or two here. I have fallen in love here. My house has been home to 4 of my dogs and 2 of my cats over time and a few fish and for the last few months it has been home to the man I love and his daughter who he and her mother have graciously agreed to let me share a little bit of her life with.

A house becomes a home when you put your back into it and your blood, sweat, tears, and heart into it. A house becomes a home when you plant trees, flowers, and food. A house becomes a home when you share it with family, friends, and the pets who share a piece of your heart. A house becomes a home when there are memories and everywhere I look I see a memory. I remember the kitchen and the silly flower wallpaper that was there when I bought it, the green walls that I painted it, and the pretty beige it is now. I remember painting the entryway when the Dallas Stars won the Stanley Cup. I remember calling my mom and screaming for joy when the Texas Rangers won their first ever American League championship in 2010. I remember crumbling to the floor in a fetal position when the Texas Rangers lost game 6 of the 2011 World Series.

I know when we find our new house we will make incredible memories there but right now that place doesn't exist yet for us and this place is running it's course and there is a level of sadness in the finality. Saying goodbye is hard and as we approach the final goodbye at the end of the month, the memories come flooding back and the tears come with them sometimes.

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Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Thursday Confessions: My secret Ex-Husband

Love is fragile and sometimes marriages end, some before they ever begin, it seems. Who can forget Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries 72 days of bliss? How about Britney Spears and Jason Alexander's 55 hours of wedded joy? Oh and the ever inspiring Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman 9 day adventure. True love seems almost forgettable.

So forgettable in fact that I have a confession, I have forgotten a husband. I haven't actually just forgotten him, I misplaced him, erased him from my total mind, I have no clue who this man I married is. Actually, that's not true, I have no clue who he is or the woman he married because I am 99.9999% sure she is not me.

I don't think I would forget a husband. I an pretty sure I would not date a man with my same (maiden) name. I have never even met someone I wasn't related to with the name.

So how did this come up? Court records keep showing up with the title of my house. Oddly, only I was ever on the title...because I haven't married yet. Only I ever paid the bills because well, it is and always was my house. If someone sues anyone I am pretty sure it's my butt in the line since this kent dude didn't have Jack to do with me or the house and I never met him. Fun stuff!

I suppose there is way to get this guy out of my life. Mostly I want this Lauri chick to go away!

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The Circle of Life:Birthday blog and all that stuff

Yesterday was my birthday and I spent the morning honoring the life of someone taken far too soon.

The amazing thing about spending time reflecting on a life lost at 26 is not noticing what he didn't get a chance to do but realizing how many lives he touched and how well he lived in the time God gave him. Not one person who knew Sean will ever forget him and not one person will ever say they were not a better person for having known him. He was a young man with passion that was evident and he put that passion into his work. He also had a level of knowing what's right that isn't always displayed. He was truly a good guy and that is what every one of his friends at work have said to me. They love him, they are guys and they can't say that so easily. They say what a great guy he was and how shocked they are.

What I realized again is that everyday we have a choice to live or not. To do our best to make amends, make good choices, and most importantly live out life. Letting stress and worry eat you up isn't going to get you there any faster you are just going to be miserable while you go. Sean's last lesson to me was to stop worrying so much and just live life again. There are a lot of things going on and I had become consumed by the things instead of the moments. Thank you dear Sean for reminding me, the moments are to few and to cherish them because we only walk this way once.

Rest in PEACE.

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