Friday, March 7, 2014

Reflections of a Single Life: A survival guide

When you spend the majority of your life not "in a relationship" a lot of things start to go through your mind. Most of them start out with "what is wrong with me?".

A friend of mine is going through this right now and talking with her the other day reminded me of how hard it is out there and how long I spent kissing toads before I finally found my not perfect but perfect for me Prince. (No, I don't mean Prince Fielder but I am happy for an amazing hitter too!)

Dating is tough. How do you meet someone? How do you know if someone is really in to you or just using you? How do you not take it personally when someone "Friend-zones" you?

I can't answer any of those questions but I can tell you that when it is right, it is still work but it feels easier. I can tell you that I know with every bit of my soul that my past relationship failures were meant to lead me where I am today and so were his and even through there are some really stressful things in every relationship, when two people are on the same path, the boulders blocking the path become pebbles.

So let me tell you my feelings on being single. Ready?

-Women try too hard. We go out of our way trying to make bad relationships work because we think "this is the one" or "he may be my last chance." I did both of those things and made excuses because I felt the man was running away from me because he was scared. Here's the thing, I forgot to examine what I was getting from that relationship and when I look back now, I realize I wasn't being fair to myself about what I needed. I wasn't even being myself. I put up with too much crap! I deserve to be first not thirty first and I deserve to know I am loved. Who cares what he wanted when the truth was, he wasn't giving me what I wanted or needed. I should have walked away after our second "date". I know that now, but I had no self respect.

-Women spend too much time on dating services trying to meet the one and filtering out the Piece of A guys. Truth here, I tried internet dating. My first love came from internet dating. For me, that never felt natural. What matters more is you get out and live and stop looking.

-Stop looking!!!
I know you have heard it at least a hundred times but true love seems to come when you aren't looking and probably don't want it. It happened to me. I didn't want a relationship. I didn't want anything. I gave up on men and just had friends. Sometimes you find a friend that makes you laugh and when you do, something happens. You un-friend zone someone and they do the same for you. Let nature take it's course.

Love yourself first!
Find your strength and love you! It's the hardest and most rewarding relationship you will ever have!

-What you think you want may not actually be what you need. Don't discount someone because he is a Republican and You are a Democrat or he is a Football fan and you are a Baseball fan and even try to accept him if he is a Yankees, Angels, or Cards fan when you are a Rangers fan! I know it is hard. Mixed relationships seem to work better. You need someone who pushes you outside your comfort zone. It makes life more fun! You get to do things together that is new for one of you. Share your passions!

Finally some things to know when you stumble upon Mr. wonderful, and you will!

-Someone else's nightmare may be your perfect, imperfect guy. Just because someone else had a bad relationship with the guy doesn't mean you will. People don't always know how to talk to one another but you may communicate better or simply have the gift to laugh off when he is being stupid. When you finally find that guy that treats you right, go for it. It's your life and you deserve it but you have to take the chance.

-Know that the hard times and struggle are what bring you together.
You are going to struggle! You have to learn how to be a "we" and that takes work, especially if you have been "me" and he has been "he" for a long time.

-Outside influences will try to tear you apart be they friends, family or ex's. People react strangely to your life sometimes. You would be shocked to know how many people I know who lost at least one friend and maybe several because they didn't approve of their mate choices. Oddly, the friends I have that went through that have really strong marriages and they have been a God-send to me as I went through a similar situation! You will find that the friends that support you no matter what are the ones that mean the most! I cherish them.

Don't give up! Know that God has a plan for you and part of it is to make you stronger. You don't have to be worried. Life works out the way He plans and you simply can't mess it up!


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