Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2014: Welcome to the Good Life!

Never have I entered in to a New Year happier. Never have I been stronger or more satisfied with myself. With that in mind I decided to make a list of the things I will do in 2014!

In 2014 I will:

-trust God first.

-let go of all the bad feelings I have left over from 2013.

-focus on the people in my life who love me and are there for me, from my family, and friends to my sweet boyfriend.

-take better care of my things.

-clean my closets...no J this does not mean I am getting rid of shoes and handbags!

-put my house on the market and find a new house for all of us. Our house.

-not let the little things bother me and yes, they are all little things.

-trust my heart.

-get my dogs to the vet and get their teeth cleaned!!

-plant a garden where I can grow tomatoes and corn and onions with J!

-get back to enjoying baseball without Twitter.

-learn to enjoy the crazy in life more and not make plans.

-go on a family vacation. A real one.

-get all my photos off my iPhone and store what I want and delete the rest!

-get back to my hobbies. Find at least one project a month and reclaim/reuse something in a new way to salvage "lost" items.

-trust love!

-be a better Blogger! To this end I am going to sign up with a mentoring program and hopefully re-design the blog as well. I am also going to try and do at least 4 social-blog events this year. Wish me luck!

That's a good start to 2014, I think. I wish all of you a safe and Happy New Year!

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday, December 30, 2013

2013: The Year END blog

It's almost over and before looking ahead, it's time to look at the year that was!

In so many ways 2013 was a year of change for me. When the year started I was holding on to a lot of bad habits. I was trying to convince myself I was in-love with a man who never was there for me in any sense that mattered. A few weeks into the year I was forced to face reality in a hundred ways that, at the time, I thought crushed me. Months went by while I forced myself to live. I fell back in to bad habits and bulimia and alienated myself from all my friends, both old and new. I shut down. I even passed out because I wasn't taking care of myself.

I finally stopped long enough to get help. While in therapy I worked on letting go of old patterns. My therapist suggested a book called The Circle Maker. The book changed my life. As I sat down and relearned how to pray, I analyzed what I truly wanted from myself and from a potential mate. I prayed. I asked God to take over and I gave Him some things I really wanted. Specific things I wanted for my life. There is a saying "God answers prayers in three ways 'Yes, No, and Not now'!" Never in my life did I expect answers so clearly or quickly. At the time I was burnt out and I gave up. I wanted nothing except to live quietly and be alone. I started praying and I mentioned the book on Facebook and suddenly, my friend Trish was asking about it and wanting to meet and do a prayer circle and discussion with me. We started in June.

When I look back on it now, I realize how much my life changed over the three months of summer. I went in to June a depressed, hopeless, lonely mess and I came out of August a strong, renewed, hopeful woman.

In the middle of the process I met new friends and through some twists of God's amazing works, one of these friends introduced me to this crazy, funny, smart assed man, J. At the time, we were both going through some major life changes. When my sweet friend sent a tweet one day telling J I was the real deal and ok and he should follow me, I had no idea how that tweet would change my life.

It started out simply. Sometime in late June or early July we followed each other on Twitter. We casually chit chatted and thought nothing of it. I realized this guy was funny and in ways I couldn't even comprehend, polar opposite from me. One day I posted something that I'm sure was depressing and this goofy guy asked if I was ok. We became buddies. We chatted on-line and eventually on the phone. We talked about God and prayer. We were both at turning points in our lives and we just bonded a little over our changing realities. Neither of us thought much of it. Finally, in mid-August this guy was working near my office and we met for lunch. I remember driving to Chick-Fil-A and telling myself "Don't be nervous, you're meeting a friend. No big deal." That lunch changed my life. Who knew this goofy, stubborn, annoying, ultra conservative outdoorsman was going to come into my life with his cast of wacky, wonderful friends and rewrite my future? Only God. That lunch turned into dinner later on down the road and dinner turned into love. Oh, don't get me wrong....we annoy each other and we have a disagreement now and again. How could we not when he thinks he is always right and I know I am? Still, we are happy and for reasons neither
of us understand, we work. He drags me (willingly) hunting and swears someday I will hunt myself. I shoot targets and remind him that I am more moderate while he introduces me to all his friends as 'my girlfriend, the democrat! (A dirty word in their books!) What matters between us is that we take care of each other and we are good for one another. When I asked him what it was about me that was different, he told me that I talked to him about God and faith in a way no other woman had. God's time wasn't mine or J's but He brought us together and even though neither of us were looking for each other, we found one another.

There have been other changes throughout the year but none of them really matter. God puts people in our lives for a reason and the important ones stay. I have been so blessed by the changes to my life in 2013. As I lay in bed now, I have 3 people sleeping in other rooms of my house. None of them were a part of my life when the year started and yet, they changed my world. The Lord works in mysterious and wonderful ways!

I hope when you look back at 2013 you see the positive growth and the Hand of God. May your blessings outweigh your sorrows.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPadt

Friday, December 27, 2013

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

I love Christmas. I love getting to spend time with family and loving on everyone. I love the feeling of happiness and peace. I love the yearly reminder of how a child changed the world!

This Christmas was extra special. I had my new sister-in-law, who I love and my new nephews to add plus I had my special guy and we had a Christmas with his special kiddo the weekend before. Even though I had surgery on the 19th and I was a little worse for wear and couldn't actually eat the food, I had an amazing Christmas. Never have I felt so truly BLESSED as this year.

....even if I did miss the amazing Prime Rib!

With all the fun I do realize how much has changed for me in the last 6 months and how my 2013 year end blog, if I get around to reviewing it, is very much the tail of two halves of a whole. I am looking very forward to 2014, but just for a few more days, I am loving every bit of 2013!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, December 23, 2013

Merry Christmas Pinterest Style from my recovery bed.

Yes, it's Christmas Eve and Santa is getting ready to make his long ride but most important, The Christ Child is preparing for a birthday! I love Christmas. Any holiday that is centered on the birth of a child has to be an amazingly happy day.

I prepared for Christmas in a little unorthodox way. I had surgery last Thursday. I am writing a series of blogs that go into the what, why, and how so for now, just know that I am fine and I am on a restricted diet for the holidays so while everyone else lives it up, I am spending my time drinking protein shakes and eating soup and broth. It's different but it is really ok. It is what I want.

While I have been recovering I have been pillaging Pinterest. (I am incredibly annoyed with my laptop. I still can't figure out the new windows and so I just decided to copy the pins so you have the source. Cheesy but since I am posting from my iPad, it will have to do.)

I love this use of deer antlers! Don't tell my honey but I am hoping next Christmas we can do something like this with our stockings!

I have to admit these pancakes make me wish I could eat breakfast! So adorable!

I am usually pretty nice but I have my naughty moments. They usually come out when someone hurts me and my mouth says exactly what it feels at the time. I try to be nice. I try not to judge others. I try to let people live their lives in peace. So I did try! Lol

Don't laugh but I believe in Santa. I believe there is a spirit to Christmas, the feeling of hope and rebirth and the love that strangers tend to exhibit. It is special to Christmas.

People are just a tad nicer and even through all the fuss they seem to feel the spirit.

Of course, it is always about the baby. The savior. Jesus. It is the happiest time of year!

This year is such an incredibly special Christmas. For the first time, I already have what I want. My Christmas came 4 1/2 months ago and again a few weeks ago when I met the most amazing man and when his daughter decided I was pretty awesome and accepted me and my crazy little dogs into her life.

So this Christmas my sweetheart and I will be going to my Mom's to celebrate the day with my family and the nieces and nephews. This weekend and next week we will be with his daughter and hopefully at sometime seeing some of his best friends and mine ringing in the New Year.

In the middle of all of this, I am recovering nicely although a little warn out and I am learning to let a man take care of me for the first time, ever. I honestly don't know what I would have done without him. So while I snuggle in to watch The Bells of St. Mary and listen to Bing sing over the snoring, I am going to thank God for all the special people who have shaped my Christmas this year and maybe I will try to figure out how to write an end of the year blog.

I am wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and hoping that you find God's gift in your life. It won't be under the tree, most likely and it may come in a form completely opposite of what you thought you wanted or needed. That's ok. God knows best and His timing is always perfect, even when it seems so off.

And if all that isn't enough...I am sharing the email I got today from Luke Bryan. It doesn't get any better that a Merry Christmas wish from him, does it?

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Love Rules??

Are there rules to love? Society seems to think so. You can't possibly fall in love too fast or there must be something wrong with one or both of you. Apparently there are people who can't be alone and if you happen upon one, you aren't ever supposed to trust their feelings for you. Friends will tell you it will never work if you get together fast. Some will even walk away.

The funny thing is, I know several people in very successful relationships or marriages who got together very quickly and are really happy (my mother and step father included who will be married 30 years in June) and there is a pattern in all. The self doubt. "This can't be real, can it?" The friends who abandon them. The people who worry that someone is rebounding or worse, using someone.

I don't think there really are rules to love. No two love stories are the same. None are perfect or without challenges. Some have distance separating them. Some have circumstances that make it challenging.

My mother and father met in college. They were set up by their roommates who we're dating. My father fell for my mom immediately but he was so nervous & silly he screwed up. He tried to play it cool and ended up standing my mom up. They didn't speak for a year. Somehow, he managed to dig himself out of this mess and made my mom love him back. Then came the problems. My grandmother. She didn't want them to marry. She threatened to cut off my dad's tuition so they waited to marry and mom cried. When my parents finally married, my grandma threatened to skip the wedding. When she found out mom was pregnant with me, she told them it was too soon and they shouldn't have a baby. Not an option. I was wanted. It was 1970. We are Catholic. I was VERY wanted. My mother will tell you today, with no disrespect to my step father, my dad was the love of her life.

Love makes it's own rules. I have lived 5 months with people giving me their opinions on my relationship. I have lost friends. I have heard the critics and I have embraced all my friends who have stood by in support of ME in spite of their concerns. I love them for that, because that is friendship. What I have learned is that J and I are making our own rules and we are making it work. We don't need anyone's permission and by the grace of God our families get along and accept us. I am awesome according to the only person I was worried about accepting me, his little one(s). He treats me well and therefore he gets the approval of my family and the dogs absolutely adore him. What matters in a relationship is the people involved. He is there for me. He is there in a way nobody ever has been except my mom. That IS love. I can't see the future but I know this, we are blessed. We have amazing family and wonderful and supportive friends who have embraced us. Our life isn't perfect. We have been through a lot just to be together and because of that, we don't take each other for granted and we don't ever forget to say "I love you" I am grateful every single day that God put this grumpy, goofy, crazy-funny man in my life. He drives me crazy but he makes me smile. Love so a trade off. I think he would tell you I do the same thing.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday, December 16, 2013

Monday: a love letter

I thought about writing a weekend recap but I did mostly shopping, cooking, wrapping (stuffing in bags creatively) gifts and watching movies along with some very boring housework. Very exciting! I spent the weekend alone with my honey though and we managed not to kill each other so I think we are doing pretty good!

So instead I give you Monday, a "Love" letter...Pinterest style.

That's about all I got! Come on Tuesday!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, December 9, 2013

Saying Goodbye

I want to start out sharing some photos of this weekend.

We were iced in so we spent the weekend setting up and playing Xbox, creating fabulous crafts, decorating the tree and watching movies on Netflix. J and I have both been feeling crappy but we tried hard to make the weekend as fun as possible, being iced in. We did end up missing the Stars game Saturday. That was a major bummer!

I have spent a lot of time thinking about how hard it is to say goodbye.

Sometimes you lose relationships and it seems like you are the only one that cares. Sometimes you just give up because the other person doesn't want to talk it through.

I am a firm believer that God puts people in our life for a reason and we all learn lessons. I look back on my life and realize the hardest and most painful "break-ups" are with friends not boyfriends. However, every single time I lost a "good" friend I found a better one. I believe that happens a lot to people.

Goodbyes don't always make sense. They don't always have a reason. Sometimes people are too busy to be in your life. Sometimes people forget it is your life and your mistakes. Sometimes love turns to dislike. Sometimes people you trust judge you when they have no right to do so. Sometimes you know that no matter what happens, trust is impossible now.

Sometimes people die. Sometimes people move away. Sometimes you do.

Sometimes the people who leave your life never really were a part of it in the first place no matter how much they seemed to be. Sometimes you look at things for what they are not what you wanted them to be and realize, you were more of an easy option than a real choice.

I don't let go well. I have a hard time saying goodbyes. I always have. When my dad died it took me 30 years to say goodbye. I have never really said goodbye to anyone I dated. We sort of just stopped talking.

I have lost 6 friends in my life who were really important to me at the time. Three of them don't matter one bit. One bothers me but it wasn't my choice. The other two, make no sense to me and I will never understand but honestly even with those one hurts more than the other. I also will never go back and I could never trust those people the same again. I think as time goes by, it is likely it won't matter much either.

When my best friend and I took a break in our friendship, we didn't talk for 10 months. It was hard. She has been my best friend for over 20 years. She lived with me when her marriage ended and she needed a place to stay. I didn't ask for anything from her. I never expected anything. That's how I am. Her daughter is my God Daughter. I was there when she remarried. I supported her and loved her and her husband is like an annoying brother to me. Our disagreement was stupid. It was about her relationship with her husband and we let their relationship come between us. They went on with their relationship and we didn't...for 10 months. We eventually did find our way back to a friendship but it has taken years for me to trust her again. I always loved her but for 10 years I didn't trust her the way I had.

Sometimes that trust can't be rebuilt and you have to let go.
Sometimes you have to let God mend your hurt. I trust pretty freely but when that trust is broken with me, it is very hard to fix.

I really don't know where I am going with this. I just can't express how hard it is to be the one who cares, still. I'm saying goodbye because I have to. It hurts too much to think of the yesterday's and all the good times.

I do know this. Whenever I have lost a relationship, God has given me a better one. This time is no different. This time God has given me what I hope is the greatest relationship so far and I believe He is not disappointing me. This relationship is stronger than any I have had in my adult life in ways.

This is how I am approaching this relationship. This is how I feel about real love.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

WILW: I'm back and better than ever!

Wow has it been forever since I have written a WILW?!? Linking up with Jamie today!

I am loving so much right now I don't know where to start!


*My new kitchen faucet and the new guts in the bathroom. Having things working right and not dripping or running is such a joy!

*The wonderful light fixtures that I found and my sweetie installed.

*My ever evolving decluttered house. I have to thank my special someone for not pushing me but letting me make my own decisions about what to toss even though he has his own ideas and I know he tossed something out I didn't see. XO

*The tickets I scored for the Dallas Stars game this weekend! Fun times all around will be had!

*Knowing I am loved. It is an amazing feeling.

*My family and friends for being there and supporting me through everything the last....ever but especially the last 5 years. There have been some hard times in there and I have been a crazy B during that time, occasionally.

*Great doctors and healthcare in this country. Even when health insurance sucks there are some amazing Doctors out there and I think I have found a great surgeon and I know my MD and Dentist are tops!

*My co-workers who see the ups and downs daily. I'm a bad poker player and when I am struggling with stuff outside even though my demeanor may not show it, my face usually does. My co-workers are amazingly supportive and always there to send a smile.

*Twitter- for a long time I felt my Twitter game was off. For a while I was worried about avoiding hurt from someone I kind of dated then I was worried I was being judged by some friends for stuff that really, I realize now, isn't their concern to begin with. Finally, what I realized is maybe these people just never really knew me and they don't like me now because I am me. Whatever the issue, I am not worried about it anymore and I am back to being me on Twitter and I just don't care anymore who unfollows me. (Ok, if my guy unfollows we will have a talk)

*The new confidence I have gained. My doctor told me last week being happy is the best medicine and it can make up for a lot of the stress we live with daily. It also had given me a sense of self that I lost a long time ago. The happiness project, thank you Jesus, for knowing better than I do, what I need!

These quotes:

*I admit I am nowhere near the "forgiveness" point with some situations right now but I hope to get there soon, not for the other people involved as much as myself. I moved on but I want peace.

*O come Emmanuel! I love that song. It makes me feel like Christmas.

The grand finale at Thanksgiving! I can't go without mentioning one last time how great a job the women in my family did in meal prep and the yum on this table!

Deer steak or venison for you fancy folks. OMG is it good. Sorry Bambi.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Popular Posts