Are there rules to love? Society seems to think so. You can't possibly fall in love too fast or there must be something wrong with one or both of you. Apparently there are people who can't be alone and if you happen upon one, you aren't ever supposed to trust their feelings for you. Friends will tell you it will never work if you get together fast. Some will even walk away.
The funny thing is, I know several people in very successful relationships or marriages who got together very quickly and are really happy (my mother and step father included who will be married 30 years in June) and there is a pattern in all. The self doubt. "This can't be real, can it?" The friends who abandon them. The people who worry that someone is rebounding or worse, using someone.
I don't think there really are rules to love. No two love stories are the same. None are perfect or without challenges. Some have distance separating them. Some have circumstances that make it challenging.
My mother and father met in college. They were set up by their roommates who we're dating. My father fell for my mom immediately but he was so nervous & silly he screwed up. He tried to play it cool and ended up standing my mom up. They didn't speak for a year. Somehow, he managed to dig himself out of this mess and made my mom love him back. Then came the problems. My grandmother. She didn't want them to marry. She threatened to cut off my dad's tuition so they waited to marry and mom cried. When my parents finally married, my grandma threatened to skip the wedding. When she found out mom was pregnant with me, she told them it was too soon and they shouldn't have a baby. Not an option. I was wanted. It was 1970. We are Catholic. I was VERY wanted. My mother will tell you today, with no disrespect to my step father, my dad was the love of her life.
Love makes it's own rules. I have lived 5 months with people giving me their opinions on my relationship. I have lost friends. I have heard the critics and I have embraced all my friends who have stood by in support of ME in spite of their concerns. I love them for that, because that is friendship. What I have learned is that J and I are making our own rules and we are making it work. We don't need anyone's permission and by the grace of God our families get along and accept us. I am awesome according to the only person I was worried about accepting me, his little one(s). He treats me well and therefore he gets the approval of my family and the dogs absolutely adore him. What matters in a relationship is the people involved. He is there for me. He is there in a way nobody ever has been except my mom. That IS love. I can't see the future but I know this, we are blessed. We have amazing family and wonderful and supportive friends who have embraced us. Our life isn't perfect. We have been through a lot just to be together and because of that, we don't take each other for granted and we don't ever forget to say "I love you" I am grateful every single day that God put this grumpy, goofy, crazy-funny man in my life. He drives me crazy but he makes me smile. Love so a trade off. I think he would tell you I do the same thing.
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2 comments:
Donny and I were married 18 months after we met, and I promise you that if we had been living in the same state, it would've been much faster. But distance forced us to take things slow. So, I agree that time should not be a ruling factor. I think the people should be. And while family/friends generally are genuinely concerned when they voice questions about a relationship, they don't always know the whole story. My mom was very upset when I came home from Texas and started talking about a boy I met there who lived far away and who was VERY different from me. But, she obviously came around, and things worked out.
It is funny because you and Donny are exactly who I was thinking of when I included distance. I also believe in the end, this is going to work out and I know, God has this. People do come around, you are right. I have faith! Merry Christmas Katie & Donny too!
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