Friday, August 31, 2012

Blog Update: Fitness/Forgiveness Friday

This is a multi-purpose blog today. First I have a lot of trail riding planned in the next week and it started today. On the recommendation of some of the women in the Wheel Women group I joined on Facebook, I went out to ride LB Houston trail today. I am really proud of myself. This is a DORBA trail and some of the turns are tight and there is a skills area which I decided to make myself ride. Ride, not walk and yes, I did it all. I am so happy that I made myself ride those silly hills that scare me. Turns out the hard part is actually tight turns and trees and stumps. I already wish my bike had 29 inch wheels. I can already see myself looking for a used 29er in the not to distant future. I love my beautiful Trek. I love how easy her gears are to shift. To be honest, the disc brakes don't really impress me that much but okay. But the stupid pedals hit tree stumps and low lying limbs and God only knows what else and sometimes rebound right into my shins. 'Ouch!'
Just a side note, my legs are destined to be bruised forever.

This is a terrible picture of me and the tree I crashed into today. It looks like a friendly little tree, doesn't it? I was in a relatively straight part of the path and started drifting off in my own thoughts. In other words, I wasn't paying attention and bam! My poor left arm which was already scraped up from a fall the other night at Knob Hills was making 'friends' with this tree.

Isn't this pretty? I have to give DORBA credit. It's hard to get lost here. The signs are good and even though the area is huge, you are never far from an exit. Even though I could get easily lost in my small back yard, I managed easily to find my way back to my car. Aside from that, I lived just a few miles from this park for years and never knew it was there. That's just crazy. This is not far grow where Texas Stadium used to be. I miss that old smelly place.
I have plenty more Fitness coming this weekend. I have a skills class tomorrow for Climbing and Switchbacks. If I survive that I will be out at River Legacy either Sunday or Monday.

Now about Forgiveness. This issue has been on my mind all week. I'm not mad. I was....a little. I'm over it.
I got in the Jeep after riding today and I heard Matthew West's new song on the radio "Forgiveness".First, let me say, I have loved him since "More". I feel like he writes songs that are straight from the heart. If you don't listen to Christian radio I am sure I lost you. This song however talks about the truth behind Forgiveness. Here is a little example:

"It's the hardest thing to give away And the last thing on your mind today. It always goes to those that don't deserve.

It's the opposite of how you feel When the pain they caused is just to real. It takes everything you have just to say the word...

Forgiveness, Forgiveness"

This song is just painful, beautiful truth. I love it. I could listen to it over and over. I could listen to it with "More" and know God loves me and it will all be okay....but that is a diffent blog. That is a Thursday blog.

Have a great Holiday Weekend!


Thursday, August 30, 2012

Blog Update: It's Ok Thursday

Linking up with Amber and Neely again for It's Okay Thursday!

Alright it is Thursday, I have a 4 day weekend, I am going to try to get through this it's ok even though it's been a tough week on and off the field for me but that's ok!

First, it's ok that I made it through the trail last night riding my bike with my front bike shocks locked. I couldn't figure out why I was so clumsy I kept slipping, skidding, and falling.
It's ok that I think I had an allergic reaction to some plant I fell into. I think I fell a total of three times.  Thank God nobody was watching.  I looked like a hot mess.
It's also ok I may never not have bruised/skinned legs again. At least I didn't run into the snakes. (No, I'm not kidding)
It's ok that I am learning I sell myself short.  I expect too little from others and sometimes they give me even less.  I won't let anyone get away with the minimum anymore in a friendship because to be honest, I am worth more.   Most of my friends appreciate me and I am very lucky to have them. 
It's ok that I have a 4 day weekend and plan to do chores for a good portion of it.  I have delayed this as long as possible but the time has come to pay the price. That spare room has got to be cleaned.  Boo!
It's ok that I am realizing the baseball season is almost over. It makes me sad. Winter is so cold without baseball.
It's ok that I dream about clouds in my coffee. Ok not really but I do think about having a cup of coffee at night even though I won't.
It's ok that I sometimes just need a hug. Wednesday night I really could have used one. Unfortunately, nobody was around. Single lady problems.
It's ok to know what you want one day and not the next.  I envy all of you that know exactly what you want every second of every day.  I can't even figure out what I want for lunch most of the time. 
It's okay to think people who are highly organized need to get a life.  I was looking at a blog last night of this amazing woman who has a place for everything and a label for everything and all I could think of was, really?  I have better things to do with my watch the Rangers. Don't get me wrong, I am envious but I also don't want to spend my money on bins.
It's ok that I can't stop thinking about that icing on those carbomb cupcakes and how I can fix it.  I told my neighbor about them last night and I just may make a batch this weekend and take some to her and the guys.  I will have to go get some butter and some powdered sugar but I think I will try.  It is bugging me.  :)

That's what's ok with me, what about you?


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Hump Day Blog: How How Pintersting: I May Be a Little Crazy?

Linking up with Michelle for Oh, How Pinteresting Wednesday!

Here is what I pinned this week. Judge away! Who knows what this says about me.... I may be crazy?

I love this idea. I wish I had a reason to do it!

Honestly, I'm surprised it is only 2%! I think it is more for me. Of course my bruising lately all comes from biking.

I have said before in my blogs I can't stand liars. It is one of my biggest pet peeve. If you lie to me I am done with you. I may be your friend, but I will never trust you again.

This is even a bigger thing for me. Friends respect each other. It is the little things that matter. I am not a difficult person but I do expect you to be courteous and respectful.

This makes me laugh. Every little girl growing up knew this was the truth. Come on ladies, you know it's true!

I love these rules. I think I will post them all over the place. It is really important to surround yourself with your biggest fan by the way. Never underestimate the power of positive friends!

Be a winner! I have had a rough summer mostly because I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself and I have decided to stop.  There is nothing wrong with me.  I am going to just be happy and have fun with my friends.

God created me as a complete individual. Perfectly imperfect. Nobody completes me but me.

This is just so funny!  Also, as a Texas Longhorn I have to admit, I don't look good, in any orange.

I need to try this.

These are cinnamon roll cupcakes and I will be making these!

I can't wait for winter to make chili and try some new soups!

I really am so glad right now that I am completely free. I can say this honestly. I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone. I am so happy that I am alone. That doesn't mean I never will want that if the right person comes along but that person is going to have to be really amazing and he is going to have to work at it because honestly, if it is up to me, I am over relationships.  I simply don't care.  My new revised plan has me getting my life in order and adopting.  I don't need a man and I don't think there is one out there that is good enough to make me change my mind. Straigh talk

Hope you have a beautiful Wednesday!


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Tuesday Blog Trails, Carbombs, Tailgates, and Friendships

Your getting a mobile Tuesday basically. It's my blog so I can bend the rules. First I want to say that I had a great little experience the past few days so let's see what's photos we have.

This is Knobs Hill where I went biking Thursday.

It was a total blast. I am still learning to take chances and I am for some reason better on the way back. I think because I am tired and don't think as much.

Friday I was baking for the tailgate party Saturday. Lucky you I took pictures of the Carbomb Cupcakes. Let me just say these are some really drunk cupcakes.

These cupcakes have Guinness in the cake, Jameson in the ganache and Bailey's in the icing.

Saturday was the tailgate and the ballgame. Almost everyone showed up and we all had a great time. I was really bad about taking picture for some reason but I did manage a few.

It was Ron Washington Bobblehead night.

My friend Chance got to sit with us which never happens. I happened to pick him up a poster for his little boy so I gave it to him that night and as luck would have it, he ended up getting an extra throw back t-shirt I had, the prize he gets for showing up and being a good friend.

Sunday I have no memory. I think I got a facial, cried, and slept. Don't ask.


This day was hard. I'm dealing with some personal stuff I don't really care to share, not even in my blog. My close friends know & don't care how stupid I am. The day ended with Rangers baseball which was awesome. We won and I got to see two of my favorite people in the world.

I have to say this is one of my favorite pictures of the weekend which is amazing considering my morning started with no power so no hair dryer, curling iron or makeup. Not a good start to a Monday! :)

Happy Tuesday!


Monday, August 27, 2012

Monday's Blog: Keeping the Theme of Super Tough to Write Blogs Going

***Tissue Alert at the request of my friend Rachel****

Today is the birthday of the most special man in my life. The only man I ever truly loved. The only man who loved me. The one man who thought I was special and treated me that way. The one man who never hurt me or let me down. The man who gives me hope of maybe someday finding someone who deserves my love because there has to be a good guy out there even if I only kiss the rotten ones. Happy Birthday Daddy.

My dad was a special man. He was a funny guy with a big heart and he loved his family and sports and everyone loved him. He was a middle school basketball coach, history teacher, and the high school football PA announcer. He was a great golfer according to my Mom.

What I remember about him was that he liked to play games. He would come home from school and ring the doorbell and when I would say "who is it" he would say "the Boogeyman and I've come to get you.". I would laugh and throw open the door and run into his arms laughing "Oh Daddy!".

I also remember my Daddy was a hero. No, it's true. My brother and I were trapped upstairs by a vicious wasp and he bravely walked passed the wasp not once but twice while finding out why we wouldn't come downstairs and to retrieve a can of bug spray to kill the awful beast. I have never in my life witnessed such valor. (At the time it seemed that way anyway, I was probably 3 and a half).

There are other memories of my Daddy too. Memories of hospitals and chemotherapy. Memories of sick beds and my very healthy and robust father wasting away. Memories of his face hollowing out and his cheeks turning black.

Memories of the night in the fall of 1975 not long after my 5th birthday when my 27 year old mother came home from the hospital crying and had to break it to her 5 year old and not yet 3 year old that Daddy was in heaven. I was too young to know what exactly that meant but I knew it wasn't good.

The funeral home wasn't so bad. Daddy looked good. His cheeks weren't black anymore. He seemed to be sleeping. Someone asked me of I wanted to go to the cemetery. I remember saying what do they do there. Can you imagine the shock to a 5 year old little girl when they tell her they are going to put her Daddy in the ground and shovel dirt on him. What kind of crazy world is this. I ran screaming. Obviously, I did not go.

In 2010 I ran a half marathon in my dad's honor for Team in Training to raise money for Lymphoma research the type of cancer that killed my father. He was 27 years old. My hope is that someday a day comes when cancer doesn't rob another child of a parent or parent of a child.

On a personal note I hope my Daddy is looking down on me from Heaven and is proud of his little girl. I'm not perfect (big shock). I try to always be respectful of others. I am a good friend as long ad you don't cross me. (God help you who did). I am taking new risks which I think would make my Dad happy. Finally, I am learning ever so slowly to have fun and play games. Hopefully this makes my Daddy smile.

I love you, Daddy. Always and forever!


Friday, August 24, 2012

Friday Blog Update: Fitness Friday?

So long since I have done a fitness blog. That isn't really what this is. This is more about mental fitness, or lack there of.

I have mentioned before that I have suffered from compulsive eating/ bulimia for most of my life. I am bulimic. That will never go away.

This is so hard. I don't want to be this honest and share this.  I hope that by sharing it will help me.

My relationship with food is so screwed up. I can't just eat. I become obsessed about calories and eating and working out. I was reading today that up to 67% of all people who suffer Eating Disorders suffer from some form of OCD. It makes sense. Instead of getting a nice clean house, I get a fixation that had me purging sometimes 4 times a day. (I would rather have a super clean house.)

I went to my doctor today and she said you look great and then took one look at my face and said, "what's wrong?" (She has been my doctor for 14 years. She knows me.) I said 'I am so frustrated! I keep losing and gaining and losing the same 5 lbs for two months. Do you have a pill that will let me lose 20lbs by Tuesday?' She shook her head and said, "are you taking your migraine medication?" I confess, I haven't. I am supposed to take a very high dose of Topamax. I have been off my meds for about 7 months. (I get cluster migraines and the clusters I have suffered have been relatively minor, for me.) She proceeded to remind me the side benefit of this medication is an anxiety/mood stabilizer. I don't sleep well because I get nervous & anxious. I fidget with my hands. I tend to become a little hyper. Needless to say, I am back on my meds.

The meds won't give me a normal relationship with food. The meds can't take away the guilt I feel if I eat cake. The meds don't wash away the feelings of envy I have when someone says they are eating pizza. I love pizza. I rarely eat it. First off, it scares me. Pizza isn't something of which I can just eat one slice. The second reason I will spare you. The meds also can't keep me from feeling like a walking freak for having such a messed up emotional reaction to something that sustains life. They can't take away that nagging voice in my head that wishes I was anorexic instead.

I live this daily. It doesn't "go away". I know that nobody is normal. I know we all have our crosses to bear. Mine isn't better or worse, it is just.....mine.  It makes me stronger when I don't give in to the negativity.  I appreciate that but I still struggle with that voice inside that says I am broken, ugly, and unlovable.

I am going to leave you with some lyrics to a song that I love.  I was talking with a friend and he reminded me that the last time he struggled I told him to go listen to this song from Casting Crowns "Voice of Truth"

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me.
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again.
'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story.
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me,
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

My friend also reminded me that this is the way God made me and that I am beautiful in His eyes, even broken.  I can do all things with Him.  I forget that at times, I suppose we all do.  I am not really broken, I just need to relax and stop worrying.  It sounds so simple. 

Happy Friday!


Thursday, August 23, 2012

Blog Update: It's Ok Thursday

Linking up with Amber  and Neely again for It's OK Thursday!

It's Ok:

*that today is going to require 3 cups of coffee.  I normally try to limit it to 2.  That isn't the day I am having already.

*that I can't wait for Saturday in the (Ball)park with my friends.   I have stressed about this tailgate, food, lack of table, if Chance will remember the football and I keep adding things I want to make but eventually I am just going to believe that whatever happens, hopefully people will be having a good enough time that the mistakes won't matter and if they do, hopefully they will be too drunk to remember!

*that given the amount of stress I go through for a simple tailgate or party, if I ever due find a sucker....I mean husband, I should probably just elope. (Don't hold your breath...I am giving up on this dream even if I did have a dream last weekend about this dumb idea.)

*that I am leaving early for a doctors appointment and since I will already be on the right side of town, afterward I am going home to change and hit the trial.  Debating on Knob Hills or Horseshoe Trail.  I am a little worried about snakes. 

*that the last sentence is a lie.  I am a lot worried about snakes.  I saw photos of some last night on the Facebook page for one of these trails.  I hate snakes.

*It is okay that I hate snakes.  It is REALLY okay.

*that I am getting silly excited about the Dorba beginners training class and the Wheel Women Fall Tour that both start on Sept. 8th which I am doing with my friend Khrystal.  I can't wait to get out on the trails with people who know what they are doing and can learn me! :)-

*that I feel like this sometimes.   Why can't people just do what I want?  Life would be so much easier....for me!

*that I am really happy for my friend who has a lunch date today.  I am almost as happy as I would be if I was the one with a lunch date today.  I hope you have a good time and give the girl a chance.  All most of us want is a chance.

*that some people tell me I look like my mom.  (I don't see this, to be honest but since my mom is pretty, I will take it as a compliment.) 

*that I love that picture of the two of us but the shadow on my chest drives me nuts.  Nobody probably noticed it until I pointed it out but it makes it look like I had a 2nd shirt on. It is a shadow but why?

*that I think I look more my grandmother.  My dad looked a lot like her but he had my grandfather's dark hair and brown eyes. 

*that baseball is my true love but right behind that comes college football.  I am so ready to see the Longhorns and Fighting Irish play I can't stand it.

*that I have been craving tuna fish for over a week. I have had it like 5 meals in the last 8 days.  I never eat the stuff and although I do love tuna, it isn't something I normally crave.  Peanut Butter, yes....tuna no.

*that realizing how lucky you are sometimes takes someone pointing out that your life sounds pretty good to them.  I never think my life is that exciting but someone pointed out to me that I go to concerts, tons of baseball games (and a few hockey in the winter), get to spend a lot of time (recently) on the bike trails and I have my post season tickets all the way to the World Series (Yes, I believe!!!) secured, and I have some pretty amazing friends.  Yep, my life is pretty darn good.

*that I really do not understand the facination of shows like the Bachelor and Bachelorette.  I don't know why anyone cares what Emily and Jeff do. These are made up celebrities with no real importance and nothing valuable to add to my life.  I don't really care if Emily cheats on Jeff but I have to hear about it on the radio in the morning just so I can listen to my favorite morning show before I change to sports or something else.  BLAH!!!!

*that I do not count the Biggest Loser among that list of crappy Reality TV because it is actually providing inspiration to millions of Americans to get off the couch and pay attention to health.  I have found that during this 80lb (and counting) weightloss trek of mine it sometimes becomes necessary to have a visible inspiration every Tuesday to keep you going.  

So, what's okay with you today?

Happy Thursday everyone!!!


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Humpday Blog update: Because I love it!

First I have to say how happy I am that there is finally a Pinterest Mobile App for Androids! Now the 35 minutes of free time I have in my day is spoken for!

Ten days until my Horns kickoff. I may have to find someone with LHN to be my friend. Seriously annoyed.

This is more for the guys. Your love of bacon makes me laugh.

Omg! I just laugh at how dumb some guys are. Either they are hitting on a woman they will never have or they are complaining because a normal, pretty lady isn't thin enough or hot enough. Um, look in the mirror boy, you need a reality check!

Humble brag!

Okay, it made me laugh. I will settle for 2 of these.

I'm not violent in real life, but I may feel this way!


I am working on being better. One room at a time.

Perhaps I have some anger issues? Not really.

Yes!!!!! Just Yes!!!

Have a great day!


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