Tuesday, April 29, 2014

WWH: Remember When Sports Happened...

Words...and other things, really.

Unless you live under a rock you have probably heard the tape of Donald Sterling the Los Angeles Clippers owner and his girlfriend-mistress which shed public light on his personal (stupid) thoughts.

Remember when sports were about the things that took place on the field? I guess, in reality that is probably a child like view because we all know there have always been bigger meanings to sports. I love Jackie Robinson and I am proud of Major League Baseball for honoring him every year, so clearly sports were never just about what happens on the field of play.

Unfortunately, lately it seems there are way too many ugly issues that show up in sports that have nothing to do with sports themselves. I miss the days when I didn't have to think about athletic assistance molesting children, racist team owners, bigotry and homophobia in the locker rooms, PEDS, coaches verbally abusing students or worse, sexual assault charges against the star athlete, DUI and vehicular manslaughter charges pending against this player and weapons or murder charges pending against that one, suicides and out of control parents on and off the field of play. Somewhere along the way, sports became ugly. Somehow it became representative of not only what is right but what is very wrong in our society.

When I turn on my TV to watch a baseball, hockey, football, or basketball game, I don't want to think about or worry about these things but it has become a sad fact. Instead of just being able to listen to Dirk Nowitzki talk about the Mavs-Spurs series we get his opinion on the sad state of the Clippers. Instead of hearing about a Rangers playoff run we have to face possible suspension rumors of PED athletes and how the players feel about those things, instead of just enjoying sports we are faced with the sad reality that these people that we elevate to stardom because they can play a kids sport really well, no matter how nice they may seem or how often they use Jesus' name in post-game interviews, may actually not be that smart or that nice. They are, after all, really fallible human beings. That kind of sucks. We are looking for heroes and all we get...are people just like us.

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Saturday, April 26, 2014

Not the Mama

Sometimes I write here to share funny stuff. Sometimes silly. Today this blog is just for me because I don't know how else to express this.

I have been cleaning my closet today. Nothing earth shattering really. Boxing up a bunch of stuff to either take to storage or donate. I came across a small white bag. A forgotten gift from my best friend. Something she wanted me to have years ago that I had saved and completely forgotten about. Three of her daughters favorite baby outfits. She wanted me to have them because she couldn't wait to see them on my little girl.

I pulled them out one by one and gently buttoned and folded them thinking of a child that was never to be as the tears rolled down my face. I tried to get a grip. I told myself there is a reason. God has a plan and He knows better. I tried to walk away but the cloths just sat there, Calling to me.

Finally, I called my best friend to talk. I told her that I had the cloths and I wanted to offer them back to her now as a keepsake for her now 18 year old baby. I cried. She reminded me this is all normal and a part of the grief process even though I don't really know why I am grieving. I have never lost a child. I have never been pregnant. I am nobodies mother. I never will be, I guess. It just wasn't meant to be. Being 43 and realizing you are just too old to try isn't a happy place. How do you say goodbye to the only thing you ever remember wanting to be?

I wish so often I could go back. Live over and do over just to have a baby but we don't get to do that. I see people with their kids and wonder if they know how lucky they are that someone calls them "Mom". The one thing I always wanted to hear. The one thing I never will hear. I wish I knew what it felt like to feel my baby kick or be big and miserable and pregnant. I wish I knew all those miracles that only parents get to experience.

Who knows? Maybe I am too selfish. Maybe my migraines would keep me from being a good mom. Maybe I don't have what it takes to be anything but a great aunt or a fun friend. I don't understand any of it. I just know it hurts and it makes me sad and I don't know how else to say it. I'm not the mama and I never will be.

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Thursday, April 24, 2014

Thursday Things: Dear Jerk Drivers

Dear Jerk Drivers I have something to say to you. I am tired of you thinking that you own the road. I am sick of you thinking you don't have to follow traffic laws. Let me enlighten you a little here.

I work in auto claims so I may be highly sensitive to the fact that you people seem to view traffic signs as a suggestion not a command to be followed. Nothing drives me crazier than trying to exit a highway and not being able to get over for my shop or diner because you seems to believe that 'Yield' sign is meant for the people actually exiting the highway and not the people on the ramp in spite of the fact that it is actually placed at both sides of the ramp for all lanes. Tapping your breaks and actually slowing down to let the driver coming off the highway is too hard so it is a much better idea to speed up, possibly hit them, maybe hurt someone, and be at fault for the accident because disregarding a traffic sign is a moving violation. Good thing the other driver is smarter.

These signs are all over too. They are placed for a reason, of course. If you get in the wrong lane your option is to turn and then go out of YOUR way to turn around, right? Oh, of course not. What happens is that you just totally ignore the sign and go about your business because you own the road and everyone else? Well who cares if they are actually obeying the traffic law. It is about what is easy for you not what is right. You made the mistake but why not make everyone else pay for it? You're selfish like that.

Oh and hey you Motorcycle rider, hi there! We see you darting in and out between cars and driving down the shoulder. Did you know that's illegal in basically every state but California? You aren't allowed to drive on the shoulder. Oh and when you cut off my boyfriend the other day going slow on a major road when he was going 50 MPH, do you remember that? You had no helmet, no protective gear, and nothing to keep you safe if I hadn't told him to watch out for the idiot on the bike, you could be dead right now. You're welcome you idiot.

Speaking of being an ass, you know that lane that everyone knows disappears on the highway? The one the state warns you about for 2 miles before it goes away so everyone else has gotten over, even in rush hour? That isn't your queue to drive in that lane so you can get in front of everyone else and get ahead of the safe and considerate drivers.

Related to that, if you know you have to exit and you are in the left lane, don't wait until right before your exit then cut across 4 lanes of traffic cutting off every driver in 3 lanes. I know this is hard to believe but those vehicles actually have people inside and people are fragile and can't always be fixed. Sometimes they fall down and go boom and don't get back up when you do stupid crap like that and you end up in jail charged with something called 'vehicular manslaughter'. Those are big words, I know, but they mean people died and you end up behind bars.

I know this will fall on deaf ears because the people I am talking to obviously can't read. They don't know what "Yield" or "Stop" means. Shoot, they can't even figure out the right turn only signs that are drawn. Oh well, happy Thursday to the safe drivers out there!

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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

What I'm Loving Wednesday:

It's been a rough 10 days with a lot of reason to reflect on the good things because there have been a lot of reminders of the sad things.

No list starts without coffee because life without coffee is incomplete.

My Rangers shoes that I painted. These are kind of fun and I totally love doing silly stuff like this.

There are a lot of reasons why I have reminded myself to appreciate the moments because life is short and nobody is guaranteed tomorrow.

-Game of Thrones: my special guy got me re-hooked on this show and now I can't wait to see what's coming next. I started late so I don't really know everything that happened after I had stopped watching this after season one but I have picked up a show here and there and then totally became obsessed this season.

If you follow my blog or know me at all you may have picked up in the recurring I am not a hunter but I am dating one but I love to shop theme. I keep telling him that shopping is a sport. Finally, I have evidence! It is actually hunting and gathering. I love it!

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Monday, April 21, 2014

Mobile Monday: Turkey Hunting, Baseball and Easter

Thursday we headed out to East Texas to do a little Turkey hunting. Ok, "we" went camping. I basically was in charge of finding fire wood and guarding the stuff while "they" went turkey hunting as 'this dog don't hunt' so to speak but waking up Good Friday to this view totally makes up for the 'cold-night-sleeping-on-an-air-mattress-I-think-I-am-a-princess-and-believe-a-motel-is-roughing-it' girl. That's not really true. I don't need a hotel room but I would prefer one, for sure! My sister in law and I were talking on Easter about this. She loves to hunt but she agrees the best option is a motel room somewhere with plumbing and a shower. It's the little things in life. :-) Anyway, it was beautiful as you can see and I heard my first Turkey and while my brother and my guy think it's funny, I honestly thought at first that they sounded like a barking dog. They are incredibly loud though and really pretty. The colors are amazing in the feathers. I have never imagined the colors of browns. Just beautiful.

Saturday we had baseball tickets and it was a totally fun first time at Rangers Ballpark for my young friend which was fun to share. It was also Yu Darvish Bobblehead night. We had a great time and the ballpark was rocking. There was a couple behind us that got engaged.

Nolan Ryan and Sam Houston made an appearance. Oh, and the Rangers won! Earlier in the day we had made cupcakes, colored eggs, and I decorated the lamb cake for Sunday. We had the first Easter egg hunt. It was a super busy day!

Sunday was all about the family stuff. We had more egg hunts, dinner, and the cake, which turned out...not too shabby. The kid LOVED it and that's what mattered. I want to make the tradition my grandma started something to carry on.

I hope everyone was able to find blessing this weekend.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

It's Ok Thursday!

It's Ok Thursday! I know Amber and Neely don't actually do this link up anymore but every once in a while I need it and this week is one of those weeks and that's ok! So I dusted off the meme and I am being a rebel!

Here's what's ok with me this week:

-My allergies may make me look like I am crying constantly but short of a sinus transplant I can't possibly take any more medicine so I think my next option is a space suit. Houston, we have a problem. Mascara on my nose!

-I have so much to do this weekend and so little time but I know I am blessed and loved and I am focusing on that and not the pressure of getting things done, just this once.

-I got my concert tickets this week! Blake Shelton, Tim McGraw, Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, Brad Paisley, can I just call this the summer of eye candy?

-The Rangers seem intent on channeling my sleep energy and use that for a comeback, walk off win. That's my way of saying I keep falling asleep and missing all the 9th inning excitement.

-When I was a little girl, my grandmother use to make a lamb cake every Easter. (Jesus is the Lamb of God, get it?) My brother and I loved that lamb cake and looked forward to it every year. I tried for years to find a cake pan like that to make a cake at Easter and couldn't. Last month I was at a resale shop and they had the exact pan my grandmother used for $1.00! I grabbed it up and Saturday I am going to try making this cake. We will see how it goes but it brings a smile to my face and that's ok with me.

-Finally, it's ok with me that the best relationships are built on laughter. I have watched this week as a friend has gone through some hard times and laughter has helped. I realized that I can laugh with all the important people in my life and that is a blessing and that really is ok!

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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Life is Short: Say it before it is too late.

Sometimes in the middle of a normal, hectic week of crazy work while a report or three are due, right before a holiday, just when you are really behind and trying desperately to get caught up and not go crazy and thinking of the lamb cake you have to bake this weekend, the eggs that have to be colored, the chocolate cupcakes you promised your youngest niece because she bravely gave up sweets for Lent, and the endless planning you have to make for a one day camping trip, life throws you a curve ball that hits you in the gut and puts everything in perspective. That happened this week.

What I remembered is that life is all too short and nobody, no matter how young they are is guaranteed tomorrow. Things get left unsaid sometimes. Disagreements that cause friends to stop talking end up being unresolved because pride gets in the way and before you know it, it's too late because God has another plan. Family members let things come between them that don't matter and lose precious years.

I have lost friends that I miss, one was almost like a sister to me, in a way. I dream about her sometimes. I miss her dearly. I love her and I always will. The hurt is gone and now I am just sad that I lost my friend.

Sometimes, God gives you a chance to fix things, sometimes, God expects you to make a chance before it is too late. Sometimes, as in the case of some of my other lost friendships, there is nothing left to fix. I guess what I am saying is that when you have an opportunity to say I'm sorry for being stupid sometimes and I'm sorry for some of the misunderstanding, I'm sorry for taking things too personally and not talking things out better and I am sorry for the hurt feelings on both sides, say it!

I can't fix the past. I don't know if I can fix the future either. I miss my friend and I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking about her and dreaming about fixing the friendship instead of trying. I just don't know where to start. I do know this, I don't want to regret someday not trying. I don't want to miss sharing the moments of life that matter.

Hug the people you love today and tell them you love them. Don't take for granted you will get the chance again. There is no ordinary day and there is no ordinary moment of life. Every moment is precious.

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Monday, April 14, 2014

It's Monday: Hugs for everyone!

I had a beautiful weekend full of family, baseball and friends but Monday has started off rocky so my blog is short and sweet today. It's Monday and I am sending Hugs because sometimes on Monday what we all need is to take a moment to count our blessings and grab a hug!


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Friday, April 11, 2014

Friday: Fitness the return!!

Okay so today is the 1st return of fitness Friday for 2014! Partay!!

I have done pretty well this week doing a Kettlebell class, Kickboxing and Yoga. Have I mentioned that I hate yoga? I do! Hate it but I hurt so much from Kettlebells and Kickboxing (which I love) that I needed the yoga. So not to bad for a round one fitness undate. It will get better. The pain is the good pain and it will go away soon to be replaced by the strength. Can't wait. It's been too long!


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Thursday, April 10, 2014

God Blessed my Broken Road

Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing I the world to do. Your friends may not understand your choice. People may think you're crazy. Others may not know what you are doing or why but you know. There are things that are right and things that are wrong and you know in your heart you are right. Not only that but you know you are following God.

Sometimes there is a greater plan and when you sit back, you can see it unfold. The plan isn't just about you but it involves others. Many other people, actually. The plan is beautiful and it makes you smile. God's plan is always perfect and it doesn't require anything but trust that it can and all will work out, in the end.

That doesn't mean it will be easy. That doesn't mean it won't hurt. That doesn't mean you won't have to fight for it and that doesn't mean there won't be struggles. All it means is that if you have faith He brought you to it and He will bring you through it. With Faith.

The thing about God's plan and God's time is nobody else has to understand what or why you are doing what you are doing. Nobody has to have your faith in God. Nobody has to step out on that ledge or walk your walk because He isn't calling them He is calling you! It's your path when He calls you. When it is your time. You have a choice to take the easy way or go in faith. Do what you know is the right thing or what is the popular thing. God will love you no matter what.

Finally, God puts the right people in your life at the right time and the wrong people in your life at the right time so you can learn and grow. God sure did bless my broken road.

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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Let Go, Stay Calm, Find God

Sometimes it feels like everything I say is wrong and nothing I do is right. Sometimes it feels like I am lost. Lately that's every day. Yesterday I was flipping radio channels and I switched on the the local Christian channel. I hadn't listened to them in a long time. I left it there. My station is still sitting on that channel and this morning I changed my office radio to that same channel. I just need grounding. I need calm. I need God's love right now to balance me. When every part of my life is spinning and I am searching for direction I can always count on Him. He never fails me. People may let me down but God never does.

Life has a way of being way too complicated sometimes. People have expectations of me that I just can't meet, sometimes. Things start to stress me out and I start worrying. "What if's" start to rule my life. What if this project doesn't get done at work? What if that project doesn't get done at home? What if Derek Holland doesn't get healthy by the All-Star break? Yes, I worry about baseball. I'm a freak!

I can't control what others expect from me and I can't control what anyone else chooses to believe or do for me. The only thing I can control is myself. The truth is that I have enough hurt inside of me for ten people and I carry it around like a bundle of wounded flesh. Whenever anyone says anything it pops out and bleeds but at the same time there are a lot of insensitive jerks in the world who don't think before they open their mouths and I need to be tougher.

That's where God comes in. I need to lean on Him when I am feeling weak. I need to pull on His strength and pray for the people who hurt me. I need to find the will to want the people who are hateful or selfish to heal too. I want to be that Christian. I want to be that strong. I do.

Here is the problem, I am a red head, German-Hungarian-American-Indian, and there are just certain things that genetics can't change. I want to be calm and peaceful but there is no denying that there is some fire in my blood. When someone makes me angry praying isn't my first instinct. Over the years I have learned to take a walk and calm myself. This is my cooling off mechanism. This doesn't always go over well with people but it is my way of handling it and it works for me. I walk away and calm down so I don't say anything I will regret. Sometimes I even remember to pray and ask God for guidance. A lot of the time, actually I just say, 'help me, Lord,'.

It's hard to explain faith to people who have none and I don't really feel the need to defend my religion (I am a bad Catholic). However my faith in God is important to me as is my Catholicism, even though I am a little lacking lately. (Mostly do to the new-new mass but that's another blog for another time). There are things I can compromise on and things I will not and my faith I will not.



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Monday, April 7, 2014

Dear Monday

Dear Monday:

I had a lovely weekend with family and somehow Monday came along and decided to ruin it. You know what I mean, right? Somehow, Monday has to throw a monkey wrench on a fun time!

It rained most of the weekend but that didn't stop us from spending time watching my nephew play baseball, spend time with my nieces, and just hang out. There was archery in my back yard. Shopping Sunday morning. Shoe painting. Lots of fun stuff!

Then Monday came along...

Somehow I am going to overcome this Monday thing and all the little 'surprises' she has. Probably with a lot of coffee and a lot of confidence that no matter how many people spring a little special bit of 'news' on me that comes from left field, I can and will make the best of it because that is who I am and that is what I do. So bring it on Monday! I have a surprise or two for you too. Today is the 1st day of my new workout program. That's right! I am back at it starting today. I know I have doubters out there who are waiting for me to fail. That's fine. They can wait.

I don't need anyone to push me but me. I have been doing this dance with myself for years and when I am ready, I go.

Well, that's all I got. Monday can throw me a thousand knives. I just don't care. I have an answer for everything. I got this, Monday. I am stronger!

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Friday, April 4, 2014

Stress, Food, and Working out

Lately everything seems to stress me out, a lot. Relaxing is hard for me. Sometimes I feel very overwhelmed and yes, I am on my own nerves a lot!

My job is very stressful and I try not to let it get to me but I don't always do a good job. Add on to this I am not a morning person and coffee is the only way I get to 11:30am some days!

Then there is the pressure of just trying to get everything ready at home. I have closets (I have mentioned these) that just totally scare me. I don't want to donate my shoes and handbags. I love them. I have spent years collecting them. Still, I have to pack them and get them organized, somehow. Shoes matter!

Sometime I say things or even blog things that don't make a lot of sense or aren't really what I am trying to say. Things come out wrong.

My instinct coping mechanism for stress is a cheeseburger, ice cream or large amounts of pizza. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I can't eat them. Well, I can eat them but I don't give in when I want them due to stress because I know better and because I will end up sick.

I know that what I need to do is get out and walk, ride, or hike but part of my issue with stress is being exhausted a lot. I am having a huge issue right now getting started!

So I thought to myself, what I need is motivation, advice, or just some useful tips from my gentle blog readers to get me going....

Help a sister out. When you are feeling overwhelmed and know you need to work out but the last thing you want to do is get your big butt out of bed, how do you make yourself do it? What motivates you? What gets you going?

Do you have any sure fire coping with stress mechanisms.

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Thursday, April 3, 2014

At Home in the City

I have been gone so much the last 6 months that I am so looking forward to the end of this weekend and not being gone from my bed again for the next 6 months!

That's right I am hereby making a commitment that I am not going to sleep in a bed that isn't mine for the next 6 months, after this weekend. The truth is, camping is fine a few times a year but I just don't want to do it more than that. I don't like air mattresses and I am not a hunter. My level of concentration with fishing is about 2 hours before I get bored out of my head. I would rather sit on the boat and read than watch the water for nothing to happen! I like the outdoors but when my time outside is done, I want to come home, shower, and sleep in my bed at home.

Someone once told me I am just like they use to be before they got ill. I'm not. I am nothing like they use to be. I want to spend my weekends at the ballpark, walking at the park or mall, or on the back of a bicycle. I want to camp out in my bedroom on a rainy night and read a book. I want to spend an entire Saturday shopping! I want to sip a glass of wine and watch a movie. I want to get pedi's with my girls and have a Rita at Chuy's! I love a good hike in the woods but I don't want to live without plumbing, heat and air conditioning.

It's true. I admit it. I may have been born in the country but I am 100% city girl and proud of it. My idea of hunting is a good sale at the outlet malls! I don't have to kill anything to shop and most of the time there is no blood involved. I don't like killing things. I won't even clean a fish because their little poor selfs make me sad.

I won't apologize for who I am and I won't change. I like who I am. I have a big heart and I am good to those I love but I am who I am and that's not going to change. I like spending my summer nights chanting "Let's Go Rangers!" It is my happy place. I like country music at Gexa. I like shopping. Love me or don't but that's me.

My idea of the perfect vacation is Boston, Chicago, or Seattle. American League cities where I can see a new ballpark, shop and walk, a lot! My dream has always been to spend my honeymoon in Cooperstown, New York or Italy. I think I blogged this before. I mean the freaking Baseball Hall of Fame or shopping in Italy. Heaven! Those are trips I will probably make solo or with friends just like Spring Training which I plan on doing next year.

That's me. That's who I am. I gotta be me. Sorry, not sorry.

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

State of the Rangers Vol 1.2014

My Wed in season blog analysis of the team outlook:
Record: 1-1
Injuries: the entire starting rotation plus J. Profar
Offensive outlook:
Gotta admit, I like this lineup. They get on base. They have pop. They can hit for power. What's not to like about a team that scores a baker's dozen runs in 2 games?
Defense and Pitching:
There are problems. We knew there would be going into the season with Yu Darvish, Derek Holland, Matt Harrison, and Colby Lewis unavailable and I am not convinced Lewis will be back. His minor league start last night was less than impressive. Let's see how Harry does tonight in Frisco.

Overall personal confidence meter: B+
I know that's high for a team 2 games in to this season and .500 but I believe that the outlook is good and this team will get better.

Non-baseball related item:
Favorite new experience of the week:
There were a few and some I am not sharing but this I shared already but it is worth repeating.
Bacon lovers rejoice! Maple glazed bacon on a stick has found a home and that home is Rangers Ballpark!

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Tuesday, April 1, 2014

3 Day weekend: Lake and Opening Day!

Well this weekend was an amazing, whirlwind of good and bad. It started out really rough with a broken leaf spring Friday night on the way to the lake.

Now for those who have no idea what a Leaf Spring is, I still don't but it keeps the boat trailer wheel suspended and therefore, the tires don't smoke. We were rescued first by some of my honey's friends & neighbors and then by a great repairman who still knows customer service and came out to fix it at the end of a long workday for him. He made it out at 10:30pm and the trailer was back on the road about 11:30.

We were really tired by the time we rolled in to the campground about 2am. Tired and both really grumpy! We made it and finally got a little sleep sometime after 3am. The next morning we went fishing and caught a few. Very few but it was fun (bass boats ROCK!) and being a natural redhead I burned despite the fact I had SPF 50 on and reapplied frequently.

Monday was Opening Day and my honey's b-day! We had tickets (and if you follow my blog that isn't news!). We headed to the park about 9am to tailgate with a bunch of friends. It was really good to catch up with them all. Some I haven't seen since Rangers season ended. Travis is the cigar smoking bagpipe blowing doll who invited us to hang. He is amazing on those pipes, y'all!

Since it was Stinkey's birthday (ladies if you have a man, know a man, ever met a man, I am sure you know why I call him that!) Ranger's Captain came over and wished him a Happy B-day! As you can see Captain was super excited. I mean it's Opening DAY!

Anyway, that is a view from my season ticket seats this year. Hello! I am pinching myself these seats are SO awesome!

So the Rangers had a few new tasty treats on the menu and being half Hungarian myself, I could not pass up the Hungarian maple glazed bacon on a stick. OMG!! OMG!!! So GOOD!!!!Thankfully, Stinkey helped me eat it and we even let our neighbors in the seats next to us try. This was huge BTW because in the course of our getting to know each other this nice man with a bit of a East Coast accent dropped the bomb on me that he is a YANKEE fan from New York originally! I told him the honest truth, the only nice Yankee fans I have ever met are the ones actually from New York. The Texas Yankee fans are rude, annoying and just miserable people to be around and I avoid the Ballpark during Yankee games because of them. I also told him that sadly for his original team, my experience is always very pleasant when the Red Sox are in town. He laughed.

Anyway, we had an amazing time!

We got to hang out with some of his friends Friday and Sunday and some of mine Monday.

There was some bad and a lot of good that happened this weekend. So much awesome that I can't even express to you how blessed I feel. Opening Day is magic!



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