Monday, December 30, 2013

2013: The Year END blog

It's almost over and before looking ahead, it's time to look at the year that was!

In so many ways 2013 was a year of change for me. When the year started I was holding on to a lot of bad habits. I was trying to convince myself I was in-love with a man who never was there for me in any sense that mattered. A few weeks into the year I was forced to face reality in a hundred ways that, at the time, I thought crushed me. Months went by while I forced myself to live. I fell back in to bad habits and bulimia and alienated myself from all my friends, both old and new. I shut down. I even passed out because I wasn't taking care of myself.

I finally stopped long enough to get help. While in therapy I worked on letting go of old patterns. My therapist suggested a book called The Circle Maker. The book changed my life. As I sat down and relearned how to pray, I analyzed what I truly wanted from myself and from a potential mate. I prayed. I asked God to take over and I gave Him some things I really wanted. Specific things I wanted for my life. There is a saying "God answers prayers in three ways 'Yes, No, and Not now'!" Never in my life did I expect answers so clearly or quickly. At the time I was burnt out and I gave up. I wanted nothing except to live quietly and be alone. I started praying and I mentioned the book on Facebook and suddenly, my friend Trish was asking about it and wanting to meet and do a prayer circle and discussion with me. We started in June.

When I look back on it now, I realize how much my life changed over the three months of summer. I went in to June a depressed, hopeless, lonely mess and I came out of August a strong, renewed, hopeful woman.

In the middle of the process I met new friends and through some twists of God's amazing works, one of these friends introduced me to this crazy, funny, smart assed man, J. At the time, we were both going through some major life changes. When my sweet friend sent a tweet one day telling J I was the real deal and ok and he should follow me, I had no idea how that tweet would change my life.

It started out simply. Sometime in late June or early July we followed each other on Twitter. We casually chit chatted and thought nothing of it. I realized this guy was funny and in ways I couldn't even comprehend, polar opposite from me. One day I posted something that I'm sure was depressing and this goofy guy asked if I was ok. We became buddies. We chatted on-line and eventually on the phone. We talked about God and prayer. We were both at turning points in our lives and we just bonded a little over our changing realities. Neither of us thought much of it. Finally, in mid-August this guy was working near my office and we met for lunch. I remember driving to Chick-Fil-A and telling myself "Don't be nervous, you're meeting a friend. No big deal." That lunch changed my life. Who knew this goofy, stubborn, annoying, ultra conservative outdoorsman was going to come into my life with his cast of wacky, wonderful friends and rewrite my future? Only God. That lunch turned into dinner later on down the road and dinner turned into love. Oh, don't get me wrong....we annoy each other and we have a disagreement now and again. How could we not when he thinks he is always right and I know I am? Still, we are happy and for reasons neither
of us understand, we work. He drags me (willingly) hunting and swears someday I will hunt myself. I shoot targets and remind him that I am more moderate while he introduces me to all his friends as 'my girlfriend, the democrat! (A dirty word in their books!) What matters between us is that we take care of each other and we are good for one another. When I asked him what it was about me that was different, he told me that I talked to him about God and faith in a way no other woman had. God's time wasn't mine or J's but He brought us together and even though neither of us were looking for each other, we found one another.

There have been other changes throughout the year but none of them really matter. God puts people in our lives for a reason and the important ones stay. I have been so blessed by the changes to my life in 2013. As I lay in bed now, I have 3 people sleeping in other rooms of my house. None of them were a part of my life when the year started and yet, they changed my world. The Lord works in mysterious and wonderful ways!

I hope when you look back at 2013 you see the positive growth and the Hand of God. May your blessings outweigh your sorrows.

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