I know I told you the other day that I had my heart broken twice but that's not true. My biggest broken heart, the one I never quite got over, the one that has made me put so many walls up for almost 38 years of my life is the one that came not long after my 5th birthday.
I don't know what it is about my 43rd birthday tomorrow that is causing me to reflect on all this except to say that this last year has been so incredibly hard on me and I am so glad it is over. I can honestly say that I cried more between 42 and 43 than I have at any time except between 5 and 6.
But that's not the story of the watch. This watch belonged to my father. This man was the first man I ever loved and the only man who never meant to hurt me and still loves me to this day the way a father loves a daughter even though he has been gone for almost 38 years. A father's love never dies.
The watch was my mother's wedding present to my dad. It says :To Jim Love Mary 8-30-69.
I was born 8-5-70 just so you know. I was not an oops! I was planned and very wanted as my mom always tells me and that proud look on my daddy's face as he holds me was exactly how he felt about me. He did that and man was he happy about me. Every child is a gift from God and every child should know they were wanted from the beginning. But that's not the story of the watch.
A few years ago I realized that I had nothing of my father's. My brother, his son, had been given all the manly things: guns, pocket knives, wallets, cuff links. Me? I had a Snoopy beach towel signed by his last Jr. High class. Don't get me wrong, I love that towel. It means the world to me. In one of my typical 6 year old adult tantrum moments with my mother (yes, I have them about once every 4 years) I fell apart over the fact I have nothing of my fathers. She ran to her bedroom and gave me his watch.
I have worn it to bed twice just to feel close to my father. Mostly I keep it in a safe place. It seems to lose time and I plan on getting it fixed someday. I plan on giving it as a wedding gift to a man who is worthy of wearing it, if one exists. It's a wind watch and he may not actually want to wear it much but it would mean a lot to me if he would wear it one day. I will get him something fancy and new too. Lol. You see, I haven't given up hope that out there somewhere is someone good enough to wear my daddy's watch and be the father to my daddy's grandchildren no matter how God sends them to us because I am done putting limits on the miracles God can do. I have faith. That's what this tough year has taught me and that is the story of the watch!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone