Looking Back on the Memory of: GoodBye!

August is my favorite month. I am not impartial here. It's my birth month. Of course I adore it. I love everything about August.




From the peridot birthstone which just so happens to be my favorite shade of my favorite color.




To my astrological sign. It's a fire sign. Come on. I'm a red headed German-Hungarian, 100% red, white, and blue American! Would I be anything but a fire sign?
So typically here is how the week before my birthday goes:
1 week before my birthday:
I break down into a pile of tears at the thought of being another year older and everything I haven't accomplished....AGAIN. (That happened like clockwork exactly one week before my birthday this past Monday.)
4 days before my birthday: acceptance and excitement start to set in. I have made plans to spend time doing things I like with people I love so my birthday will be special. This is where I am today. Right on schedule! Happy!
-The next 3 days leading up to the day--a blur of biking, Beeritas, baseball, and people I love making sure I don't do stupid things (or people) I will regret. :-)
Summer nights in Texas are hot y'all and people forget how many beeritas and who they are. I promised myself I won't compromise myself ever again. I have learned an incredible amount about myself in the last 2 years and so much of it has been about the true value of me. So this year before my birthday I am giving myself one last gift. The gift of self respect. I am making a commitment to myself to love myself the way I love my friends and to not accept anything less than I would expect for any one of them.
Here is what I have realized about my expectations of romance:
-I tend to give way more than I get.
-in the past the men I have fallen for have all been wonderful, sweet, semi-honest with me, never honest with themselves, and totally incapable of making any decision about what or who they want and that is just not near good enough for me.
-I refuse to accept anyone who can't give me 110% of his time, energy, and self because I am going to give him 150% of mine.
-Relationships are a partnership not a take from Laura until she has nothing left to give. Right now, I have nothing to give anyone who isn't a friend or family member because I simply don't want to.
-there is nothing wrong with me. My past relationships failed because the guys were nice but they were stupid and honestly, and I am not bragging here, I am being real, neither one of the two men I loved did anything to deserve or earn it. That's ok. I still love them in a little corner of my heart locked up but not the same as I did. It's more for the way they helped me grow stronger. Without them I couldn't be free to find the incredible person I see staring back at me now.
-Life is a journey and two months ago I was so sad I was begging God to make my journey end. God wasn't listening but he did send me a wake-up call in the form of that Bike Accident Blog
-Since that time I have faced my Demons and grown happy. I even have had a curious run in the past week with a guy I once wished for and am so grateful ended up an Unanswered Prayer! Now he is sniffing around showing interest when ten years ago I was the one chasing him. I can't help but laugh because he is so very much the "Can't make a decision to save his life guy with a good heart but too stupid for his own good" that I have fallen for over and over. This time, I laughed and wished him a goodnight. This time I am waiting for a man who knows what he wants and doesn't want to play games. I am waiting on a man who tells the truth without being asked and without thinking. I am waiting for the man God sends. This time I am just plain WAITING!
Until then, I am celebrating hot August nights having a good time doing the things I like with the amazing people that God has surrounded me with and reminding myself how very lucky I am to have my friends...even if I Got Friends In Low Places.
(Sorry, had to get one more Garth song in there!)


Simply,
Laura
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