Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Beginning Again

Rachel and me....we are a little Shady!

Linking up Neely @ A Complete Waste of Make-up  and Samantha @ Hooah and Hiccups  today.

Why I started blogging?

Well, the short answer is that in January 2012, I had surgery to remove some benign tumors and I had a ton of free time but the truth is that I had been thinking about it for a lot longer.   My friends Micah who blogs at Unabashedly Me  and Rachel who blogs at Randomness with Rachel  were kind of my inspiration. 

When I was in college orginally I wanted to be a writer.   I was going to be the next great female sports journalist...in a time when there really were not any great female sports journalists.  Actually, most of the females today seem to be as much pretty as they are great journalists.  Go figure.  Anyway,  I talked myself out of it because I was completely lacking in self confidence not to mention looks even though my professors always encouraged my career in writing.

Fast forward a lot of years and a lot of personal changes later not to mention a lot of lost weight and I had found enough confidence to put myself out there in a lot of different ways including this blog.   Some of my blogs have been tough. Some have been too honest. Some have brought a lot of tears. Some have been angry and for that, I apologize especially to those who suffered the brunt of my anger.  Several have brought incredible healing and most have brought self-discovery.  The blog has evolved as I have evolved.  When I am afraid to post a blog now, I just go for it.  There isn't really a lot of inner arguements.

My blog was a fresh start for me when I started and what it has shown me is there are unlimited fresh starts.  My blog is my therapy.  My blog is my self-expression.  My blog is the way I can say the things I am afraid to say and admit the things I am afraid to admit.   My blog has brought me so many friends and has made me closer to the friends I had already.  They understand me as much as possible but more importantly, I understand myself. 

My blog documents my life for me.  When I am 80, I will have all these pictures of my friends and family and memories available on the internet to read...assuming I can still see.  I can remember the joys and the heartaches.  I can laugh at how silly it all seems.   Hopefully, I will be able to share with my children and grandchildren what a silly woman I was and they can learn. 

Does my blog capture everything about me? No!  I am so much more than what you see on-line and in photos.  What you don't get to really appreciate is my inner crazy.  There is a lot of that.  Ask my friends. Ask my ex's.  Ask my family.   The thing about inner crazy is, it's fun. It is the part of me that just doesn't really care. 

So today, I begin again.  I start fresh.  I start new.  Today, I am one step closer to being the woman I want to be.  Today, I forgive everyone who has hurt me.  Today, I ask forgiveness for those whom I have hurt. Today, I tell you I love you and I always will, no matter what because that's who I am and that is what this blog is about.  If I have to start over 100 times and suffer 100 heartaches to grow I will.  I really hope it doesn't come to that but, I will.  Today, I thank all of you who read this everyday or read this once in a while and I truly hope that somehow, some way, some day this helps someone else.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Stacy @ Siriusly Craftables said...

I was like that when I started blogging too. I toyed with the idea for about a year but I think I just wasn't read, or comfortable enough with myself to start it. And then when I was ready, I did it!

Laura @Simply Me, The way I see it said...

I think once I faced myself nothing was off limits. It just is nice to be able to have that place where you don't have to pretend!! It's a happy place.

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