Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I spent sick in bed. I mostly slept. I slept a lot. I don't have photos of this amazingness because well...it wasn't exciting!
When I wasn't sleeping I was thinking. This can be a problem for me because I tend to over-think. The good part about being sick and tired is that you also become sick and tired of yourself.
So I had a dream. I had an amazing dream. I had a very specific dream. I was married to the most amazing man. He wasn't perfect but he was perfect for me. He was a good husband and he was great father. He had a business of his own. He put his family first and he was sweet and romantic. We had 3 children and we were adopting 2 more kids. We were having some problems blending the family but we were working on it and it was getting better. When I woke up, I was amazed at how specific the dream was. I was also shocked because I realized this really was the life of my dreams. This was what I wanted and the reason that none of my prior relationships ever worked out was because those men were not right for ME! Those men couldn't give me what I needed and those men couldn't be the man who would father MY children and have a heart big enough to still adopt. Those men failed me, I didn't fail them. I have been so busy focusing on what is wrong with me that I never recognized the things wrong with all of them. Every one of them while, wonderful people were wrong...for me! I can't tell you how freeing this has been. Yes, I loved one or two of them but my love wasn't enough to make those men right for me and in truth I never should have worked so hard. That was an amazing realization because I could finally stop beating myself up and turn my attention to lifting myself up. It's time to take care of myself. Odd that it took getting sick to realize this. I know in my heart this dream was a gift from God and it came at the perfect time, God's time is always perfect. God knew just how to tell me that His plan is always better in a way that would make me realize why I really and truly deserved to matter in a man's life more than I ever have. I have an amazing amount of love to give and God wants me to give it to the right person. The one who can compliment me not just in my love of baseball or mountain biking but in things that actually matter.
I was finally awake and feeling good enough to make a baseball game and oh, what a game!
It have everything! Yu, Napoli, a lot of strikeouts, a Boomstick, and
it had a walk-off win!
Thank you Adrian Beltre!
Also...sunburn and a sun migraine but who cares about that??
All in all, this was an amazing weekend.
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