Sometimes hugs from heaven come in surprising forms.
Sometimes it's an old photo that makes you cry.
Sometimes it's knowing that you have your own personal coach pulling for you.
I have had a rough past couple of weeks. I have had to admit my failings to myself in dealing with my bulimia, my relationship with myself, my feelings for myself, and my expectations I have in a relationship which at this point are probably unrealistic.
Aside from that I had to admit to my friends and family that I was binging and purging and then come clean to you all yesterday. Oh and there was work which is crazy and the Rangers were in a skid and they are my safe haven and Saturday morning my A/C went out. Then came Father's Day and I missed mine so much more than normal. I saw all these pictures of friends at games with their dad and I have...my Mom. I love her. She is the best "dad" a mom could be but she is a mom. I realized that I still need my dad. I need that man in my life who can just hug me and tell me it's ok. Chance is a good best friend. He has the listening to me vent down. He has the turning me off when I am being stupid mastered. He has the ignoring the insanity handled. He can't be my dad. Aside from the fact that he is like...12(29) I am his fake mother in law so that wouldn't work.
Given the fact that I am now down to one friend with a happy marriage I hold out absolutely no hope there. I realized on the way in to work this morning that I am a romantic, old fashioned woman and there just aren't any men left who believe in us that aren't broken and I am not sure anymore that I am not broken now.
But....In the middle of all of this mess were so many hugs from my dad I can't even begin to tell you. I found out from the AC guy (who himself was an angel!) that my house was so close to burning down from a circuit breaker that had melted that it was incredibly dangerous. When I told my mom she said "well, looks like someone must have been looking out for you." I suddenly realized "someone" had been putting in overtime on me lately. That's ok. He's my dad. That's his job. Then I came out of work yesterday and saw this guy:
He just sat in the tree in front of my Jeep and sang to me. It was the best gift my dad could send me. (My dad sends Cardinals which are the Indiana State Bird). I know God loves me. I know my Dad does too.
It just sometimes takes a little extra nudge and a red bird singing.