A friend of mine told me the other day she hadn't had a date since Bush was in office. I understand this. Honestly, I have been in a similar situation. My last real date may have been during his first term.
Another friend told me she hasn't kissed a guy since basically Obama was in office.
My friends are good catches and awesome people. They are also hotties. No reason for this except dating is hard.
A friend and I had a conversation about relationships recently which amounted to me basically determining there is something wrong with me. There must be, right? I am broken or hideously unattractive or just flat out unlovable, right? Now, I am pretty sure these aren't facts but feelings that come over me when I am being really stupid but still.
I have some married friends and they are split into two groups. The first group is the 'thank God it isn't me' group. They are thrilled they are no longer having to deal with the crap I talk about. They know how lucky they are even if their husbands are stupid. (All men are. Marriage doesn't change that.)
The second group is the 'You just need to put yourself out there group'. Honestly, I have no idea what this means. Out where? What am I putting out exactly? I go out. I am out there all the time. If out there means clubs, forget it. I have never met a nice guy in a club. You can't even hear, how can you talk? I go to work, the gym, the Ballpark, Stars games, the occasional concert, church occasionally, shopping, dinner with friends, and sometimes bars with friends. That is it. The truth is simple, nobody is beating my door down to date me.
Someone told me once my problem is, I am the kind of girl you marry not sleep with. I'm sure everyone doesn't agree with this but again what does this mean? How do you end up married of you don't want to be? Is this a odd form of a compliment?
I don't really know what the mystery is. Dating is simply two people trying each other on for size to see if any of their psychological issues can co-exist. It doesn't have to be a forever thing. Right now, I don't even know if it has to be a hour long thing.
So I decided to put a list together of the things that are important to me should I ever have a date again. (Not holding my breath here).
1. Honesty. I can't stand lies. Lies to my face or lies by omission. Both are lies. I have said this before but telling me something like, you look good tonight when I may not, isn't what I mean. Forgetting to tell me you have a kid is what I mean.
2. Sense of humor. If you can't laugh with me, I can't be with you. Not even for dinner.
3. Unselfish. I have dated some of the most selfish men on the planet earth, I think. Every once in a while it would be nice if a guy actually wanted to do something with me and that something was what I wanted to do. I am kind of cool and this shouldn't really be a problem. I like all 4 major sports after all and I may even be willing to try soccer. I don't know a lot about music but I like going to concerts. I'm not going to a gun show or rodeo but aside from that, I am a gamer!
4. Give it the college try. Don't make me be the one always doing for you. This is my biggest problem. I am a giver and a people pleaser. I like making people happy. I decided recently, I am totally done with this. No more doing for others and forgetting to take care of me. I am going to get on actually stopping this too. Eventually. I deserve to be spoiled too once in a blue moon. Not too crazy but a little.
5. Don't assume what I say is what I want. This one is hard. Why? Because I realized last week, what I want changes daily. I want a guy who respects me but doesn't always listen to what I say. I want a guy who surprises me by just showing up with flowers and takes me out for Tex-Mex. Romantic but not sappy. I want a guy who doesn't expect me to be perfect. I want a guy who can eventually just love me for who I am, the way I am. I want a guy who loves baseball and at least accepts there is a God. I want a guy who hates the New York Yankees. It would be really nice to date someone who thinks of me once in awhile and not just in the 'Man, can I hit that?' tonight kind of way. This is about all I know for sure. Beyond that, it is a crap shoot.
6. Be free of baggage. Okay, I am not totally free either but mostly free. I mean in this sense. We all have baggage but don't start something with me, get scared and run for the hills. Don't start something you aren't willing to see through. Don't just be good on paper. Don't tell me what I want to hear but mean it only every other day. I have some major trust issues which I have explained before. They basically boil down to I am way too trusting and I am a little bit crazy. All women are. Don't give me reasons to doubt you. I investigate stuff for a living. I have the ability to use a computer and I know all the free sites. I know how to find out if you are lying. I have never done this with anyone, yet but it doesn't mean I couldn't or wouldn't. On top of that I have a police detective brother and a few friends who have been or are investigators.
7. Monogamy. This is absolutely a no discussion dating do. I refuse to share. I don't play well with others. I don't want any relationship where I am not enough. I should be enough. I give a lot. If you can't give up the others, there is no point in dating me or anything else for that matter. This one has been one of the hardest things to live with. There are some really great guys out there that want to play the field and don't want to be in any relationship. There are a lot of these. I can't be that girl. I want more and I deserve more. It is too bad, really but it is not my loss.
That's about it. I can compromise but I can't be someone I am not. This is why I don't date. I guess there is nothing really wrong with me. I just haven't found a guy who is willing to be dysfunctional with me, yet. Maybe someday. In the meantime, I will have fun. I have some great friends and some concerts coming up with cowboys and a lot more baseball. I won't be single and available much longer. Call it a gut feeling. I am a good person and I have a lot to offer. Even of Ranger Red isn't my color!
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