Monday, July 1, 2013

Hello My name Is


This is blog #2 for Monday.  If you missed the Mobile Monday go back and check out the Weekend Recap.

Matthew West is the only man that really gets me!!! Too bad he is married. STORY OF MY LIFE!

I may lose some of you in this post but try to hang with me if you can. I have a lot of faith in God I just don't have a lot of faith in myself most of the time.  I tend to spend a lot of time beating myself up.  We have been through this...a lot on this blog.  Anyway, God finds ways to sneak little messages to me when my defenses are down so He can reach me which usually means, when I am listening to Christian music.  I tend to listen to Christian music when I need a pick me up and when I need to turn my mind off because I am thinking crying too much.  June was a really hard month for me.  June was a hard month for me for reasons I don't really understand and for reasons I have no wish to explain.  It was terrible.  I went through a lot.  Facing the bulimia was only a little bit of it. Passing out in a public park was the icing on the cupcake so to speak.  I know there are a few things coming up in the next month that are going to be hard on me but I also know that I have the strength to get through them.  Check that.  I don't have the strength but God does and He will give it to me. 

I don't know how many of you are familiar with Matthew West.  Let me just assure you he is not in any was related to Kim K's baby daddy.   I think I blogged about his song "Strong Enough" a few months back.  Today I am telling you about "Hello, My Name Is"  because this song more than any other song I can think of has just about explained exactly where I am today and where I have been for the last several months of my life.  I was sitting in the car the other day when this song came on the radio (KLTY in DFW) and it hit me like a brick (God uses bricks on me because that is the only way to reach me) that this is exactly the song for me.  The song I need to listen to and remind myself that Regret, Anger, that isn't who I am.  I am His. 

Today is the 1st day of the 2nd half of the year.  Today is my new year.  I am not going to have any more regrets.  I am not going to be angry anymore.  Truthfully, I am just going to concentrate on me.  I am going to learn to be selfish.  I am going to learn to say "No" because I don't want to.  I am going to learn to say "Yes" because I want to.   I am going to stop trying to please everyone else.  There will be some adjustement period as I set new boundries for everyone.  I am going to learn to respect myself because of what is on the inside and stop expecting what is on the outside to be perfect because I realized that what is on the inside is worth so very much more than anything that is on the outside and honestly, who I am is so much better than anything else that is out there. 

Finally, I am going to stop devaluing myself. I am going to stop settling.  I finally realize the reason it has never worked out before is not because I wasn't good enough.  It was because the guy couldn't give me what I need.  What I deserve. What I want.  When I realized that my needs matter to God, and that God is not going to allow me to settle no matter how much I thought I loved someone, I was set free.  That's what growth is about.  That's what a new year in the middle of a year is about.  That's what the power of God setting you free can do.  I don't mean that it will be easy.  I know there will still be things that will hurt.  I know there will be pain to come. There are failures.  There will be set backs.
The greatest thing I can say is that I know God has this and it doesn't matter because I just simply can't do it and He can. 

I am done trying. 

I quit.

It's up to God



Raewyn Smith said...

This post makes my heart happy!!

Laura @Simply Me, The way I see it said...

For the first day in a month mine too. XO and thank you for the amazing bracelet!!! I love it!!!

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