Saturday, April 16, 2016

N: NASCAR or How to survive a NASCAR race for newbies

Not really the Highway to Hell

Last Saturday was the Duck Commander 500 at Texas Motor Speedway.  We headed out on a somewhat rainy day to get some racing in.  This is only my second race but I learned quickly how to survive NASCAR after last year.   Here are my 8 Rules of Survival at the races:

Are we going to the race or hunting?


1. NASCAR is very Camo-Friendly.  My Junior hat is actually camo as you can see.   My friend 'Cornbeard"  (obviously not her given name, it's a long story, funny, but long) said she had never seen so much camo in her life.  I told her she needs to go to Bass Pro and then come hunting with the boys.You don't have to have camo but expect to see a lot of it. 

2. If you get offended easily, NASCAR isn't the place for you.   There are all ages, races, and genders who enjoy the race but the parking lot is usually full of one kind of fan.   The drunk kind. Simply put, anyone can and probably will say or do something offensive or disgusting at some point.  It isn't a big deal unless you make it one.

Rule 2 1/2:  I am not giving this it's own rule but check the venue before you go.  Texas Motor Speedway lets you bring in a small cooler which means we brought our own drinks.  Do you know how much beer and soda is at the race?  It saves a ton of money when you can bring your own!

Let the rain stop and the party start!

3. There is another do or die rule.  If you are going to use the port-a-potty, bring toilet paper and paper towels with you when you go.  Seriously, see the 2nd rule, drunk people miss and the potties are disgusting.  I have been to many port-a-potties on Opening Day and these are worse, if that is possible.  I mean, you don't touch nothing!

The race started 2 hours late due to wet track

4. You can't root for all the drivers.  Seriously, some of them are just jerks.  Pick a driver or at least a team.  We were all Jeff Gordon fans but he retired so Hubs stuck with the 24 car and he is pulling for Chase Elliot.  I stuck with Hendrick's Racing but moved on to Dale Junior (because he drives the 88 car and I graduated HS that year) although I also like Jimmy Johnson and will root for any Hendrick's driver if they are winning. (Have you noticed I understand team concept well? HMMM). The kid in her 'women rule' mindset is a Danica Patrick fan.  Pick a driver just don't pick the Busch brothers.  They are just jerks.

Hey, he almost smiled!

5. Prepare to eat like crap that day.   The food is fried.  It is NASCAR, what are you expecting?  We had hot dogs, corny dogs, nachos with some mystery beef on them. The kid had fried cheese and chicken on a stick, hubs also had fries and chicken fingers.  They sold out of Funnel Cake which probably ended up being a blessing!  I can't believe we ate all that, even if we were out there until 1am.

Family shot...kinda

6. Plan on spending several hours, at least two, in the court outside the race.  You get tons of free stuff.   We got several packets of sunflower seeds that I am going to plant and give to my chickens as a tasty treat later in the year, Texas shaped pasta, a bunch of fig bars (yuck but the kid loves them) a free sample of snuff (okay that wasn't me!), coffee cups and Louisiana info to take a vaca, and a bunch of posters for the kid from NASA.   It was like free shopping.  They had more stuff but I don't need Cigarillos and I never cook rice so I decided to pass.  I am sure we passed on other stuff too.  There is a ton and my husband was all like "Move it along lady.  Keep walking!  This isn't the mall."  Yes, it is!  Only this sh*t is free!  (I may have a problem but free!)

I take my Rangers wherever I go!
7. Come early but expect to stay late.  We got there at noon for a 6pm race and we ended up missing all the Duck Dynasty cast this year.   I was sad because I wanted to see Phil and Miss Kay.  We met the rest of the group last year.  It didn't work out but don't worry, I plan on a trip to West Monroe one of these days. Keep in mind there is usually a smaller race the day before and the track has a camp ground so people head out early in the week and spend the week camping out the motor speedway. For reals.  If it rains they are going to try and get that race in so expect delays.  It takes a while to dry the track.  Our race was delayed 2 hours for big trucks pulling hair dryers to get that puppy race ready.

This was my favorite car from the race the night before! #33 Texas Rangers!

8.. Plan to spend about $75 on headsets.  
Yes, it is highway robbery that you have to rent those suckers and they are so darned expensive but it is totally worth it.  The cars are really loud and they go really, really fast.  Besides, if you rent them you can hear your favorite drivers talking to their crew chiefs.  If you can't shell out that on the race then bring some form of ear plugs or at least a good headset that covers your ears.   My video doesn't do it justice but imagine the sound below only magnified about 100 times.

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