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Woohoo! Linking up again for Fitness Friday with Noel Marie at High Heeled Mama!
My fitness this week has been either an all out beating or NOTHING!
I have been to the gym three days this week and I should be getting at least one and hopefully two days of mountain biking in this weekend. I am so excited about that. The truth is, I would rather be on that bike every day but unfortunately daylight savings time, cold weather, and rain have not cooperated much lately. I have lights to ride at night but there is something about being out there alone in the dark that is just not appealing to me. Maybe I am just too much of a girl but the sounds coming out of the woods seem to be magnified and I am terrified of snakes and creepy crawlies coming at me.
Even though I didn't get as much gym time as I wanted, I feel like what I did get was awesome.
I look terrible which is the point. I am really not that girl who goes to the gym and looks pretty coming out. I want to work hard, get in and get out and go about my night.
Food had been just terrible for a while and the bulimia has been a struggle. I tend to eat my emotions and for several months I have been feeling various degrees of anger, failure, foolishness, frustration and sadness. It had taken a lot of prayers and focus but I feel like I have finally turned a corner. It has a little to do with my feelings for someone else and a lot to do with my feelings for myself. My insecurites eat me alive at time. I have gone between a total feeling of being unlovable and completely ugly. This goes back to what I said last week about finding emotional fitness which for me as a complusive eater. bulimic, and just a crazy woman*trying to cope is an even bigger struggle than physical.
*I am not really crazy...just female crazy.
What I have found just this week is that my strength comes from my big heart not my pain. My pain really comes from the negative things I say to myself. The mental games I play with myself. I realized last night for the first time what my friends have been telling me, I am truly a good person and not only that but a strong one. Sometimes what you think will break you actually frees you and that is what happened with me.
So I start February with a renewed focus and a true appreciation for myself and making sure I become the best me I can be.
I guess what I am saying today is believe in yourself and embrace your positive qualities. Don't focus on how far you have to go or your mistakes but focus on the knowledge that you are a strong and beautiful person who has accomplished a lot, lived through the pain, and has an amazing gift to offer the people who are lucky enought to be a part of your life.
And by all means, find your beauty! We are all beautiful even though we don't always recognize it!
Is it possible to be too honest in these things? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I over-share. I feel that way today. I write to free myself and with the hope that out there somewhere, someone gets something out of this. Nothing else.
Happy Friday everyone!!
On a personal note, drop me a comment and tell me what you think of the new blog layout, the new picture and if you have a preference of what views to read it in. (You can change it up.) I can't decide my favorite. It may change a little but I am pretty happy with this new look.
Enjoy the Ride, y'all!
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4 comments:
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Yay for posting yucky post workout photos!! You and me both, sister!! It sounds like you had a really successful workout week...I agree that riding at night doesn't sound like the best idea. But I'm more afraid of lurkers than the snake bit...I just don't trust people anymore. Even when I run the trails during the day I am periodically taking out an earphone to listen for other people...better to be safe!! And don't even worry about oversharing, it's your blog! Just go on doing what makes you happy :))
I agree with the sentiment about saying negative things to yourself. Since I've had my daughter I have become increasingly aware of what I say. And it's become apparent that far too often I'm putting myself down outloud, which I need to curb before Raegan looks in the mirror one day and says the same thing. My heart will break.
I noticd that neither of us are afraid to show how 'lovely' we look after workout. That's okay cause we kicked bottom! I also agree that riding at night is a great place to get yourself in trouble from the human element but the park I normally ride in at night has a guard post and is 20 miles around so I feel pretty safe from the humans there. LOL.
I really understand your concern about your daughter. I have 3 beautiful neices an it breaks my heart to think any of them would feel about themselves the way I feel about me. Raegan is such a cute name! I like your spelling of it!
Thanks for being so supportive! :)
Ok, if anyone looks good leaving the gym or after working out, they're not doing it right, lol! Good for you! And I'm totally with you on not wanting to work out outside at night. That's the main reason (plus the cold) I got out of the running habit over the winter.
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