Woohoo! Linking up again for Fitness Friday with Noel Marie at High Heeled Mama!
My fitness this week has been either an all out beating or NOTHING!
I have been to the gym three days this week and I should be getting at least one and hopefully two days of mountain biking in this weekend. I am so excited about that. The truth is, I would rather be on that bike every day but unfortunately daylight savings time, cold weather, and rain have not cooperated much lately. I have lights to ride at night but there is something about being out there alone in the dark that is just not appealing to me. Maybe I am just too much of a girl but the sounds coming out of the woods seem to be magnified and I am terrified of snakes and creepy crawlies coming at me.
Even though I didn't get as much gym time as I wanted, I feel like what I did get was awesome.
I look terrible which is the point. I am really not that girl who goes to the gym and looks pretty coming out. I want to work hard, get in and get out and go about my night.
Food had been just terrible for a while and the bulimia has been a struggle. I tend to eat my emotions and for several months I have been feeling various degrees of anger, failure, foolishness, frustration and sadness. It had taken a lot of prayers and focus but I feel like I have finally turned a corner. It has a little to do with my feelings for someone else and a lot to do with my feelings for myself. My insecurites eat me alive at time. I have gone between a total feeling of being unlovable and completely ugly. This goes back to what I said last week about finding emotional fitness which for me as a complusive eater. bulimic, and just a crazy woman*trying to cope is an even bigger struggle than physical.
*I am not really crazy...just female crazy.
What I have found just this week is that my strength comes from my big heart not my pain. My pain really comes from the negative things I say to myself. The mental games I play with myself. I realized last night for the first time what my friends have been telling me, I am truly a good person and not only that but a strong one. Sometimes what you think will break you actually frees you and that is what happened with me.
So I start February with a renewed focus and a true appreciation for myself and making sure I become the best me I can be.
I guess what I am saying today is believe in yourself and embrace your positive qualities. Don't focus on how far you have to go or your mistakes but focus on the knowledge that you are a strong and beautiful person who has accomplished a lot, lived through the pain, and has an amazing gift to offer the people who are lucky enought to be a part of your life.
And by all means, find your beauty! We are all beautiful even though we don't always recognize it!
Is it possible to be too honest in these things? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I over-share. I feel that way today. I write to free myself and with the hope that out there somewhere, someone gets something out of this. Nothing else.
Happy Friday everyone!!
On a personal note, drop me a comment and tell me what you think of the new blog layout, the new picture and if you have a preference of what views to read it in. (You can change it up.) I can't decide my favorite. It may change a little but I am pretty happy with this new look.
Enjoy the Ride, y'all!
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