Linking up with Noel for another Fitness Friday!
I have been sick most of this week and between that, migraines since Saturday (mine come in clusters) and allergies I have done nothing, at least physically, aside from sleep.
However, all of this downtime has given me a lot of time to think. I have spent most of my 42 years beating myself up and this week I decided it was time to stop.
I have never felt sexy. I have never felt pretty. I have been that person that says, I would be pretty if...and that if was always if I lost weight. If I was thin. If my boobs were bigger. If my nose was smaller. If my eyes were blue. If I weren't so pale. This list could go on!
(I may have cleaned up the language in thie one just a tiny bit)
Something amazing happened this week, I found myself...finally! I don't have to be anyone but me. I am enough.
Not only am I enough just as I am for myself but I have been faking liking myself for just long enough that I realized, I really do like who I am. I am not satisfied and I won't ever stop trying to improve but....I like who I am.
I started to tell myself that I am pretty, now. I am attractive now. I am just where I am supposed to be today and that God made me the way I am and God doesn't make anything the wrong way. That doesn't mean I won't continue to work on getting healthier but I accept who I am today. I like who I am today and what is more, I value myself.
That is huge for me because I have never, ever been able to say that. I will still have moments of insecurity, I am sure. We all do. I get really uncomfortable meeting new people. I get really uncomfortable around some men.
But for the first time, I realized that we as women, tend to put all of our self-value in our appearence and I don't know one man that thinks "My hips are too big, I am worthless", "My stomach pooches, I suck". "My arms giggle so no woman could ever love me." Honestly, I just don't think men pay that much attention to our imperfections. They are too busy looking at the women they see which is someone totally different from the one we see in the mirror. Guess what, they are right and we are wrong. Yes guys..I admit it. A woman said you were right about something. Don't get too excited, it probably won't happen again!
So what I decided in my mental only fitness week is that I am going to start being really nice to myself. I am going to start treating myself the way I treat my friends because most of the time, I think I am a pretty good friend.
I am going to be happy with myself and not only that, I am going to expect the best because I deserve to be happy and being happy starts with being happy where I am. I am blessed. I don't need anything to make me happy or anyone. I never have. Just me. However, I am inviting a wonderful man into my life and I expect that he will spoil me and treat me the way I deserve. In return I will spoil him and treat him the the same way.
This past summer I spent a lot of time and energy trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole. (This is about a man.) I remember something my mom said to me very early on. "New relationships are not supposed to be hard. New relationships are supposed to be exciting and passionate and wonderful. The hard comes later. You two and whatever this is...have skipped to the hard immediately." What I was doing in this "relationship" is try and make something work that was not supposed to work. Not because there is anything wrong with me. Not because there is anything wrong with him. Believe it or not, I actually like him. I care about him a lot and I want the best for him. He is a good guy (regardless of what he thinks of himself and his false ego) This was never about him. This was about me. I was trying too hard. I was not listening to myself. I was not listening to my friends and I was not listening to God. I should never, ever have to work so hard at anything alone. He wasn't there. He didn't want it. That's really okay. It was not about me. It was about two people who were in different places in their life. I respect that. I am not mad, I am no longer sad. I don't hold any grudge because what I realized is that I am exactly as awesome as he told me I was. I am exactly the sexy woman he saw. He didn't give me that, I gave that to myself. More importantly, I have someone totally amazing waiting for me, now that I have my mind right.
This morning as I was leaving the house, I took this picture. I am in an old T-Shirt, jeans, and beat up black sneakers and I have never felt more attractive. Crazy? Maybe. That's okay. I like that. That's who I am. Crazy, Silly, Funny, Goofy, Beautiful me!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhoneLinking up with Noel