Sunday, February 19, 2012

Challenge 13: Heartbreaker?

In all honesty, I have never dated a lot. For a very long time I thought I was broken. Incapable of being loved more so than loving someone. I never really dated in high school. I was incredibly shy. Talking to boys was like math to me, torture. (I hated math. Give me a history book or an English class and I was a happy girl. Start talking square roots and fractions and my eyes glaze over.) So I left the largeness of my high school class of 720 and went to a little school down in Austin. You may have heard of it, The University of Texas. I had a great group of friends but the guy everyone thought I would end up with, the one who was in reality more like a brother to me, let's just say I wasn't his "type". I have wonderful memories of my time in Austin and I adore my friends dearly but as often happens with me, I had a crush on a guy who, it turned out, was actually interested in my friend. Men are so annoying.

So fast forwarding through some meaningless relationships that went nowhere & we come to 'the guy'. Robb was a paramedic. I don't think I have mentioned yet that like about 99% of all women, I have a thing for men in uniform, specifically firemen. Robb had brown hair and big brown puppy dog eyes. I am a sucker for that combo. He also had a thing for redheads. This was perfect, right? Well, there was a small matter of him being from California originally and wanting to go back eventually. I love the idea of the east coast, maybe the mountains but any state where the earth moves on a semi-regular basis is not a place I want to be. Robb wanted to move back to the bay area, San Jose specifically. He was a huge San Jose Sharks fan. He even bought me Sharks earrings for Christmas. (I came across these about a year ago & let's just say they are no more.)

Robb looked at me the way nobody ever did before or since. Have you ever had anyone look at you like you are the most beautiful person to ever walk the planet? That is how he actually looked at me. I knew he loved me. I loved him. I loved him enough that I probably would have moved to California someday. Robb was divorced. We talked about getting married and discussed him getting his marriage annulled through the church. He and his ex-wife, Amy still talked. Robb didn't share a lot about why his marriage failed and I didn't ask. I figured he would tell me when he was ready.

Robb also had a temper. Actually, temper isn't correct, he raged. He raged at silly things. He raged that his TV was too old & he threatened to throw it through the window. I am not normally the level headed calm one. With Robb I was forced to be. I also found myself doing things I couldn't even fathom. I didn't recognize myself. Robb called and I dropped everything. I cooked for him. I did his laundry. I cleaned his house. I was the Stepford girlfriend. He told me once nobody ever treated him as well as I did. Looking back, I doubt anyone could have treated him better. The problem was Robb was in love with two women, me and Amy. It took me awhile to admit this and eventually I broke up with him because of it. Robb even got the better end of the breakup. I got him Stars-Sharks tickets for Valentines Day. This was during a time when those tickets were impossible to get. Being the "awesome" girlfriend I was, I told him to take his best friend. When we broke up, I sent him the tickets and told him to enjoy. I never even got a "Thank You".

It took me a full year and some really stupid, 'stupid men-mistakes' to get over Robb. I learned a lot from that relationship. I learned that I will never date a man who isn't over his ex again. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. First sign of that and I am out. I learned that I don't want to be in a relationship where I am doing all the work all of the time, because when I looked back I realized that I let Robb have his way, in everything. I learned that I am completely not interested in playing games, at all. I learned that like it or not, I like spoiling my man and taking care of him. When it comes down to it, I am old fashioned. I am okay with that too as long as I get spoiled back a little next time. I'm older now and I know myself better today. I am stronger and more equipped to say no. I'm not defined by a man. Like it or not, Robb will always be my first love. That's okay, I am really more interested in the last one anyway.

Oh, and the second part of this challenge, have I ever broken anyone's heart? No, or course not. At least, not that I know of. Hopefully, I never will.


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