Today's challenge is where do I see myself in the next 365 days. The only real answer for this is where God wants me. I could write easily about how I hope to be in a relationship by this time next year. How I hope that person loves me and appreciates me for who I am. Who I am, btw, is a slightly baseball/ sports obsessed woman with a huge heart and a ton to offer. This in and of itself is a huge leap forward for me. You know those questions that show up in all interviews: what are your strengths and what are your weaknesses? When it comes to myself, I have always been able to list everything that is wrong with me from my toes to my nose. (I like my eyes and hair so it is safe to stop at my nose, which I really hate.) The positives are really hard for me. VERY hard. I am smart, funny, silly, and at times, when I feel good about myself, I can even admit I am kind of cute. (Toes, nose, and small chest not withstanding.)
Giving up control over all the things I can't change has been my concentration lately. One thing I can't change is being single. I reminded myself today more than once that while it seems like all the rest of the world is in love, that just isn't the case. I could easily have been divorced by now if I had continued a relationship that I knew early on was not going to work, in spite of the fact that I loved this person. The Beatles were wrong, you need more than love to make a relationship work. Sometimes you have to love enough to walk away.
So today, a day dedicated to love, I am concentrating on loving myself and accepting the love God has for me. I am doing this by not worrying anymore about all the things I spend too much time worrying about. If the guy I like doesn't like me back, that is his loss. If my nose isn't perfect, well it is the nose God made and while I may not love it, most of the time it does what it is supposed to, breath. (I have a cold right now so breathing is a challenge).
The other day I had lunch with my best friend and I got a fortune cookie after. Here is my fortune: "The current year will bring you much happiness". Now, I normally ignore cookies that pretend to know the future but in this case, I can't help but agree. Maybe I will meet Mr. Wonderful this year (hopefully at Rangers Ballpark because, really, where else would my dream guy hang?). Maybe I won't. I am not defined by the rolls I play, I define myself.
So, today I am okay being single. I am not alone. Someday, maybe, that won't be the case. Today I am concentrating only on the now not 2 months from now or 12.
Happy Valentines day! Be good to yourselves. See a movie, soak in the tub, eat something fabulous. You can be my Valentine or be your own.
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