Friday, February 17, 2012

Day 12 Challenge One Wish plus Weight Loss Diary

With all do respect to the Rangers, because if I had 2 wishes I would wish for Nellie to have caught that stupid baseball, or Josh's home run to hold up, with only one, I am going to be a little more selfish.

My Daddy, Mom, & me

If I had one wish, it would be that somehow my dad would get to spend one more day with his family. That he could see his grandchildren. That he could see his kids grown up, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I had just turned 5 when he died and my brother was a month shy of his 3rd birthday so memories are short and wrapped in a little girls hero vision of her daddy. So that is my simple, impossible wish. One more day with my dad.

Weight loss diary:
Today when I went to my regular doctor she was amazed at how great I look and how much weight I have lost. (56 pounds as of today). She said that I can lose weight faster than any human she has ever known and asked me how I do it. I told her that for me everything revolves around working out hard. I eat right when I work out. I take care of myself when I work out. She mentioned that I was close to being an exercise bulimic. That reality hit me hard. Bulimia is something I struggled with my entire teenage and adult life. That is my reality. When you have an addiction, drugs, alcohol, bulimia, anorexia, or a combination of both, you live with that forever. The same way that Josh Hamilton has to watch himself when he is around alcohol, I have to monitor myself when I diet. It Is very easy for me to fall into the 'not eating anything but protein bars and grilled chicken and lettuce' habit. It is very easy for me to start working out an hour and that end up being two or more hours seven days a week. It is way too easy for me to feel that guilt if I do eat a cookie that leads to a binge that leads to a purge, if I am not careful. So, with that in mind, I promise myself to make sure to start getting in meals again that, when I am honest with myself, I have skipped the last four days. I promise myself to take a day off and not workout. I promise to stop being crazy, at least for today. :)

Happy Friday!
Have a great weekend and remember gang, only 49 days until Rangers baseball!

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