Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Day 10 Challenge Dreams

I am not really sure what the obsession is with the future for the people who came up with this challenge. It isn't that I don't have dreams. Everyone does. I would love to go back to school and finish my journalism degree. Not necessarily to become a reporter but because that is something I want to finish. I would love to find a job that I love. Probably something in either sports or the arts. I am not sure I am brilliant enough to manage it but I always have wanted to work for a museum or art gallery.

All that being said, there is only one dream I have had since I was a little girl and that is to be a mother. I was almost sure a year ago that would never happen. I thought my childhood dream had been ripped from me by unfortunate genetics and my complete inability to find anyone good enough to be the father of my children. I was nearly shattered. Then I did some reassessment of my situation. I made some serious life changes. I chose to have a more complicated surgery with a longer recovery time to correct my problem. I have done all of that now. Does that mean I will ever have a child? Nope. I refuse to bring a child into this world without a father. I lost mine very young and I know what a struggle it is for both the mother and the child. Dads get a bad rap in our society, probably because there are some bad ones. There are some bad mothers too. Regardless of what the media likes to say, all women are not cut out for motherhood any more than every man needs to be a dad.

I started looking into adoption both in the US and overseas. I was appalled to find out my first choice, China, refuses to adopt to single parents. The idea that this country preferred to let babies die on the streets to adoption to a one parent household just proves what a backward country China is. I realized a few things lately. One is that sometimes you have to give up on a dream and the other is that your may have to modify your dream. That is what I am doing now.

Finally, a I mentioned yesterday, I have put all of this in God's hands. It is way to big for me to figure out. I am leaving it up to Him to guide me. I know this, I intend to adopt regardless. I feel like that is just the right answer. I also haven't given up on the rest of the dream, the dream house dream. That is real. I just modified it a while back to include some kids who may not be mine by birth but are mine in every way possible.

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